I just can't be bothered with life anymore

I'm almost 25 and never had a GF (or many friends for that matter). I am quiet often on tinder and can get very few first dates, if i really put my time and effort in it i can get quiet a few, but often lose interest in putting the effort in already before i have met up with a girl.

I have the handicap cerebral palsy, which make my legs F'd up (walking looks dificult but it's really not for me) and i am spastic, not very severe, i often can put it on the down low by drinking some alcohol right before the date and continue to do so on the date. (I don't get drunk).

So i had a date yesterday, went super well, we sat and drank for like 3 hours or so and went to mcdonalds for a bite. after that we took the bus (we had to take the same bus to home, we also met in the bus) and she had to get off first. The bus was a bit crowded so i didn't really wanted to try and go for a fullon make out, but i gave her a little 'smooch' (grabbed her and kissed her on the lips). That startled her a little bit and she backed off and went off the bus.

Of course i tried to gauge what the situation was the next day and she said she rather jusst stayed friends.

I am a pretty good looking guy, well above average (very muscular, thinking about doing men's physique competitions) with a good face. So everytime i get rejected after a good date i always go on to think they get repelled by my handicap.

I have dated a total of 10 women i think through-out the years, and i only have been on more than 1 date (say 7 or 8) with 1 of em and came very close to a relationship.

Makes you feel damn lonely sometimes lol.

The nofap journey makes me pursue women more but i just gets so depressed when i get rejected thinking like: oh great, now i got to put in another week or 2 of works to meet a girl from tinder, who will most likely reject me for the same damn reason.

Sorry i am just ranting on but i just had to write this down!

 

That could be! My mind is like: yea you probably won't see her again, so just go for it and maybe you're lucky and she liked it which will increase the chance of a second date. <-- i don't do this with every date, maybe like once every 3 dates, maybe even 4.
I just dont want to miss out on the chance of "what if?" and i am normally a very, VERY shy guy.. so trying to kiss them is something i would NEVER EVER do, but those couple of drinks helped me giving me the boost to say yea fuck it step out of your comfort zone and do it..
^this comes from previous dates where the girl wanted to kiss but i was too shy to kiss them so i didn't engage and left and beat myself over the head when i got home because i didn't have the freaking balls to man up and kiss her.

I am not that good with women and i am just unable to read their signals (I wouldnt even know what to look for) -.-.

 

doing that looks good on paper .. but these are first dates on tinder .. like you said 'ask her if she likes me to kiss her' dont girls love guys who take the lead and be bold.. in my ears it would sound like i am too much of a pussy to just kiss the girl. AND I COULD BE TOTALLY WRONG HERE! Maybe this is a very good thing to do on a date, i am not shooting your recomendations down! dont read it like that, but that's just how i think about it.

Do you have any on hands experience with doing it like you said? being the real gentlemen

also about telling her that i really llike her and how she makes me feel.. doesn't that make me look like a clingy guy? girls dont want guys that are immediatly into it and showing too much affection, right?

 

hanks for the motivaing words man. i know i shouldn't take it too personal, but can't help it

it's literally like: is this guy the best i can get? no..? okay byeee