Why is it Im always the loner?

You are not alone, I am the same. In all the group of friends I've had, I'm always the hermit (And some kind of wise elder for reasons I do not understand).

 

I have something of a theory. Its not a complete, fits all, blah blah but, *shrugs*
Anyway, as the Jesuits used to say 'give me a child until 7 and I shall give you the man'. Also seemingly, maybe this a Teal Swan or Jordan Petersen pick up, but about 2-4 years old is the first time we start to separate from our parents, start to look to act for our selves, first start forming our base ideas of ourselves. The formation of the core.
Its also where we start to form our base ideas of interpersonal attachment.
These stages also prime our dopamine systems, our reward systems as some call them. I think of it at times as a system that all but subliminally steers us, even against our conscious efforts and effects.

Start adding in the ways schools stream us, in their systems directly, and by co-incidence of how small humans will interact with it and then 'play' in the playground and you can have learned habitations, or not learned skills, and such, and before you know it - you are a definitive individual in a sea of people that do these things by seeming instinct or second nature.

I suspect core development time primes for it, and then, we just slip in where we fit in. But for a growing number its more of a rut than a groove.

 

I completely understand man. I ask myself that question every day and I feel like I'm getting nowhere. Most friends I make seem to leave or drift away after a time and it seems like I'm always the one inviting people to stuff. Its like everyone expects me to make the first move and then I can't trust whether or not they are sincere; like they're just indulging me to be polite instead of actually wanting to hang out. Plus I can never seem to fully integrate myself into any group no matter how many times I try.

 

I actually don’t mind me a loner. I just want someone to be a loner with me. Ha.

 

I feel like I am a bit like you: I also enjoy being on my own but I am almost constantly afraid of people judging me for being a loner. Yet this doesn' t prevent me from doing my best to make new friends whenever I can: what usually works is just to be nice. I am nice with basically every person I meet and, with time, friendship are formed. Just like with investments and plants, friendships take time to make and sometimes just don't work, but don t lose faith!