Any Advice in being a Man?

Many and they want the same things we do .

 

Stop hating yourself! If you have qualities that you hate about yourself and which are bad, change them slowly. No one is perfect we all have bad qualities and good qualities. And as for being a man, You are a man ...you don't have to have a lot of masculinity to be one. Being a Good human being matters the most and if your a good person then you are perfect. If your not a good person, Change slowly and you will feel good about yourself....i hope you see the light in yourself and get a great life for you

 

Wanting the same things and being the same are 2 completely different things my friend. Women are wonderful but mysterious beasts, the inner workings of their minds have remained a mystery to men for thousands of years. We are completely different, with different interests, desires and psychological needs, sure there are exceptions but generally this holds true. Ever wondered why the nofap community is like 95% male? If men and women were the same you would expect a much closer to 50/50 ratio, however clearly men are more prone to porn addiction than women, which indicates differences in how our brain reacts to visual sexual stimulation, it appears the Coolidge effect is an almost exclusively male phenomenon. that's just 1 example relevant to what we are doing here, but I can think of lots more examples of how men and women differ

 

Hello dude.

I was like that, and I will tell you how you can do a man.

1. Honor your words : When you say something, do all to apply it, if you fail, forgive yourself, try again and train, you got here a power to develop. all great leader have this power here.
2. Be responsable : yes, when you do something and it fail, be responsable as a man, you can do it.
3. Always feedback: In the point 2 analyse all your failure, and see how you can optimize your task.
4. Rather say YES to NO: When you say "NO", you are stronger, and people may be upset about it, but don't mind them, because your well being is a priority.
   "NO" is like the number "0"
   "YES is like the number "1"
   0 is equal to "null", so you let everything pass over you, you stay at 0 and you don't allow people or circumstance to take over you.
   1 is equal to "something", you respond "yes", and you are positive going to the circumstance, make you week.
   In PMO you're always in "1", masturbating and ejaculate for every stuff you find. When you're "0" you're not shaken.
5. BE YOU even if you're weird for ppl, people which are judging you, know nothing about you: not the world or the influence say about you : for exemple you have an habits that most of people will mock you, laugh at you, don't mind them do what you like.
6. All start with your mindset : If you say in your mind that you're a kid, you'll be a kid for ever; read this carefully: Words have it's own power and meaning when they are released : even if you don't understand the word, it's still have his power. if you take the word "man", you have all of sorts of imagination of its.
   So if even the situation is kidly, say that you're a man, and day after day you'll succeed to be a man, by elements and circumstance that will make you a man. Your mindset is like the root of a tree, you have the control on it, and it's only you if you say "NO" to waves of the worlds. You're a tower to build, let any one build it for you, and ofcourse ; because it's you, it's you.
7. Honor other peoples : Yes humility is a great key. Honor other people for their ability, honor them. Glory will come
8. Be Honest : When you're honest you became handsome.
9. Love and forgive : Forgiveness is a powerfull key: most of people beleive that when you're forgeving you are weak, not at all: you're stronger. Because when some one hurts you you can have biterness and can cause you disease, and you came become mad to the people that hurted you, and same time, this people will don't care about you or manipulate you and mock at you. The only way is forgiving. You overcome the pain.
10. Say No to girls: Okay this one is hard. When you say yes to a women because of urge of sex, you became like an animal, you're not an animal, you're a human. You may say that this thing is crazy but think about it : That's the urge of have sex is greater than your mind or your mind is greater that this ? If you overcame this, what a man you are, what a power did you handle. And later marriage will come, with a good wife, not a pebble but a rubis who will love you.
11. You are so precious for Jesus. and He loves you.
12. Planification : Today I do this at that time, with this people or alone. Make a week planning with a day planing with a task
13. If you're alone it's okay don't worry.
14. Knowledge, learn to understand thing: Yes dude, you must have some knowledge to have power and to teach other
15. Keep your words, have some secrets: Secret is your power, so don't talk about anything to anyone, because nowaday people are really wicked and evil : they can stab you for nothing and everything.
16. Be patient : patience is a great key, waiting for something, it's a vertu. Great leaders have patience
17. When you have a problem, don't complain: When you complain, you make the problems more harder by the ambiance of your words : it pollute the problem. When you have a problem, keep calm, by your calm and your patience you can solve the problem easily. and remember that some has lost his 2 legs, some one became a legume due to motocross accident and his wife left it.
18. Declare positively things: Your words is your environnement. If you declare positivily, with confidence, your environnement will change at all, even bad thing happens, stay positive.
19. Don't be egoist, think about others people, think about a poor.
20. Special one: Be the one who speak positively when everyone is done, you give energy.
21. Sport team sport: Because you'll learn to communicate with other in team, very helpfull for no PMO.
22. Going outside alone, don't care about the others
23. Help people that are in need : You'll be handsome

 

Love this. I think to a degree you're spot on. However one thing that should also be mentioned. Don't just be a man, but be a gentleman. This is what I am struggling with right now. I can pass as manly... but I am no gentleman. Being a gentleman is being a man not just in pubic (where call can see and admire your manliness) but also in private, behind closed doors, where only you know that you are demonstrating character, and not giving ing.

 

lol. It should be the other way round. You should be acting for yourself and not giving a fuck what anyone else thinks. The fact you are having trouble being a 'gentleman' by your definition means you are probably acting to get validation from others.

 

I am going to be as real as I can be. Maybe even controversial.

Don't be a "Man". Be yourself. Be the best You that you can be. Dont worry about what qualities a man "should" have. A man is an idea. It's a list of to-do's and it doesn't apply to everyone. We can't all be leaders, or the strongest, bravest, or the most gentle. But we can all be good people.

Look into yourself. Get rid of the things that make you upset with yourself. Then ask yourself what you want to be. And why you want to be those things. Do those things help you? How? They need to make you more kind, compassionate. Make you more honest. More devoted to the things that are meaningful, like family and relationships. Why? Because these are what will help you in rough times, surround you with better people who are most helpful to you, and make you more helpful for them. When bad things happen, you will be more ready. When good times arrive you will add to them with your presence. This is how you be the best you can be. You do what makes you strong of mind, and strong of heart. Stop doing what makes you weak.

This is the path to greatness, and this is what men do to become the legendary idea of what a "Man" is.

 

It's not about wanting validation from others, It's about wanting the best for others. Being polite and treating people good benefits everybody, including yourself.
"Being a man" is not being an asshole.

 

Being polite isn't wanting the best for others or being a man, its being a normal human being. You are also missing the point of my post. Going around and being nice, polite and wanting the best for otheres is not what being a man is. I was refering to doing whatever the fuck you want to do and not conforming to socital norms (unless you want to or it is neccesary). If what you are doing goes against societal norms people are going to cut you down. They may even cut you down if what you are doing is normal and they are jealous.

As an example my friend is very attractive and lifts. We went to a grocery store and it was hot so he had his shirt off. This old lady was trying to push in front of him and people were giving him the stink eye because he had his shirt off. He didn't give a fuck, in his mind what he was doing was right and he wasn't going to change his actions due to any external pressure. That is what being a man is and that is what I was refering to in my post.

I don't even think you read the other guys post. He was talking about people admiring his manliness and demonstrating character. These are validation seeking behaviours.

 

You may also as this guy suggests have to go to the other end of the extremes, be the asshole, as you feel it. For you though, that might just work out as assertive and polite, except for the people used to pushing you around. Because your comfort zones, your dopamine steering makes anything less ... than surrender? passivity? feel like you are being an asshole and all you might be trying to do is ask for what is, or should be, rightfully yours.

On the other hand your inability 'to bite' will likely produce a weird hegelian dialectic dissonance where you will feel a need to be able to, and proven by experience, able to inflict the sort harm, to feel safe vs this tense insecurity it leaves you in.

Conditioning your body and martial arts training will answer some of that. It will also put you in contact with other people who have similar issues, and completely different issues that have some part of their answer in martial arts and are working to over come them. For some, they are on the other end of the spectrum to you, they need to learn self control to not harm. Your mutual experiences might be of help to each other.

Other than that, build something, construct something. You want something to feel like a man about? Nothing is more archi-typical male, and constructive, than literal construction. Watch some wilderness build thing on youtube, get some rope, and maybe an axe or something and just go build something.

Look to the boundaries of your mind. Do you really always only run away? Is there nothing that was so worth it that even once you forgot your safety and your emotions over rid your reason for safety and you ... did something? Something worth it? Is it there are so few worth it things in your world views? Is that something reduced what you could see, feel, identity as worth it?

Don't know what path it is you need to walk, to walk out of that trap you are in. But its likely a path you have not walked or walked far enough along to find the way out.

Samwise Gamgee "There is some good in the world, Mr Frodo, and its worth fighting for".

 

You really have to put in some work.
Grow up and take responsibility for u actions.
Meditate.
Take cold shower.
Workout.
Speak ur mind. Be honest to urself and everybody around you.
Say what everybody is thinking. If they don't like it, live with the consequences and if they want to change you: fuck them.
Do what you want to do and speak about what you want to speak about.

Becoming a man has a lot to do with speaking ur mind from my experience. A child is full of fear and doesn't want to be separated from the group. But as you grow older and become more of a man you gon realize that it was always about you and not about the group. The group is dumb. Live ur own life my friend.

 

Its important to be yourself - which means at times being hard on yourself,
we are usually quick to drop the axe on the others, but not first on ourselves,

The advice - "be yourself" - is easy to say once you discover yourself,
but when you are really young (unless you are the goldenboy maverick type)
then it will take a while before you get though it.

it's not easy to discard the warm blanket of society to walk away,
but that's what's just needed at times.

 

I concur....take your talents, your insight into your own qualities and focus on those... be realistic, but do trust your own judgement. Only you know what drives you, gets you passionate or interested in life. Maybe what you need is more life experience...

 

I have experience what you are talking about but now I am conscious enough not to let my hormones control me or those of women's . Nature only has one goal for us and that is to reproduce. We as humans are smart enough to know that this is just nature's plan and that we as humans are super we are not super humans it's just super to be human especially when you are aware of your biological processes .

 

Heaps of interesting advice here, only as far as I noticed from scanning through, one is missing (probably due to the individualistic bias of western culture).

A man is made simply by the company of other men. Spend as much time in a group of (exclusively) men, no women around. Ideally most of them are older than you and have credit in your eyes (those having understood that masculinity is not about acting the big shot). Mutual respect and honesty is key instead.

 

Amen! I am spending a few hours every weekend (almost) with 3-4 male friends of mine with no women around and that's one key-factor in growing as a man because in that environment, you build a strong fellowship and trustworthiness with other men and get some needed social interaction in real life that connection over a smart-phone (or webcam) can't replace. In those environment you also strive to push each other forward, making each other believe in themselves which is important for developing confidence as a man.
You can also speak freely about everything (without blinkers) which leads to a constructive exchange of ideas, perspectives and solutions without much fear of being ostracized. These solutions generate typically from a more pragmatic/logic mindset which would feel quite foreign to most women since they have a more emotionally oriented mindset. Hence, if women were in that setting, most men would feel more uncomfortable telling what they really feel and consider about most things so many men do need this outlet that a male-exclusive fellowship offers. By speaking their mind to their fellow men will also make them more inclined and inspired to do so in everyday situations since they know a majority of people are more or less like them (quite normal).

These kind of interactions won't have the same dynamic in an environment with women in since women and men are different (biologically and psychologically) and hence have different interests than men. I know this sounds stereotypical, sexist, generalizing or whatever, but it is indeed the truth: Men are more interested by things (machines, gadgets, vehicles, science, technology, computers, etc) whereas women are more interested by people, relationships, social interactions, children and all of its related dynamics, which is completely healthy and natural.

 

Thanks for your elaboration! It is very close to what I am experiencing - maybe this is a universal phenomenon.

I would only disagree on characterising men as generally less emotional beings. Men are probably much better (or must be so) in suppressing their emotions, occupying themselves with 'things'. But that doesn't mean emotions aren't there or not so strong. My experience with my 'men's circle' is that once there is a safe space provided and everyone else is taking the mask off, men as well will show their soft cores, deep emotions, concerns about relationships, even sexual problems etc. That is very powerful and healing. In a supportive atmosphere of mutual male understanding you suddenly own your emotions. You stop being driven by them unconsciously (which often leads to destructive behaviour) and become able to integrate them into self-confident action. And that's what is boosting your masculinity.

It would not work if only one women was around because everybody would keep on pretending he's a 'real guy' to somehow impress her/each other.

 

What you describe is spot on but I am of the belief that most men are not suppressing their emotions (or keeping them in check) for the sake of pretending to be a 'real guy' in front of women. It is rather a natural response that has developed through evolution for thousands of years since acute, difficult, dangerous and overwhelming situations have favored this trait. When such a serious situation has faced a family or tribe for example, there has been a need for a calm, collected and secure force in such moments (a person that doesn't panic, run away or break down as it hits) and it is men who have been the natural possessors of these traits in their role as protector and provider of family and tribe. With such traits, these men became capable to save the tribe in such dangerous and threatening moments.
Men who ran away, panicked, got hijacked by their emotions and freaked out in the same situations went under with their respective family and tribes or did not pass their genes on since women didn't mate with men who couldn't stand by their side protecting them when danger came about.