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Is this considered intentional + damaging?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by AlwaysWinning, Oct 19, 2019.

  1. AlwaysWinning

    AlwaysWinning Fapstronaut

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    I saw an image of a naked woman laying in a seductive way. This was accidentally and outside of home.
    I turned my head away.

    I then quickly after kind of wanted to verify what I saw and re-checked the image for 1-3 seconds. It felt also like a reflex to re-check, but I feel bad about it because I knew that it was something sexual.

    I feel so bad about this now. Is this considered a relapse or does this damage the rebooting process?

    Is this what we could call intentional viewing? Or is re-checking for a few seconds part of the accidental encounter?
    And is intentional viewing only if you open Google and literally search for stuff?


    Thank you for your replies!
     
  2. mattyjsy

    mattyjsy Fapstronaut

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    I wouldn't worry about it, if it was just a few seconds its not really anything more than if you checked a girl in a bikini out on a beach. Just be aware of it throughout your reboot, but I definitely wouldn't consider this as damaging unless you give in to any sort of chaser effect you get afterwards. Stay on your streak and this wont matter even a little bit
     
  3. AlwaysWinning

    AlwaysWinning Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the quick reply!

    I do have (strong) sexual thoughts, but I usually have them. The thought to just watch porn again also crosses my mind.

    But by giving in you mean to actually PMO, right?
     
  4. AlwaysWinning

    AlwaysWinning Fapstronaut

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    I feel like I have screwed up a lot and as if I had a PMO binge. I feel very lifeless and empty. Everything feels like such a heavy task and feels very annoying. I dont feel motivation to do anything. Just the way I felt after a lot of PMO.

    Hopefully this is psychological and my mind trying to trick me, because I was on a pretty big amount of PMO-free days. A few seconds would not set me back to this horrible weak condition, right? Does not make sense.
    Yet it feels like it did. So confusing and frustrating..
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2019
  5. mattyjsy

    mattyjsy Fapstronaut

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    You're likely overthinking it, it sounds like you're in a bit of a flatline and your brain is craving a dopamine hit and is on high alert looking for a source, you're doing fine man, dont let overthinking lead to any guilt or negative feelings. You're always going to be confronted with sexual images from time to time, whether it be half naked women on billboards, or racy scenes in movies, or work colleagues showing you images of women which happens to me a lot, it's how you deal with that which matters, in this case you were presented with a trigger, you saw it, felt the temptation, then turned away and carried on with your day, you couldn't have handled it much better to be honest
     
  6. AlwaysWinning

    AlwaysWinning Fapstronaut

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    Yes, that's right man. Thanks!
    Just 1 more thing; you wrote that I looked away. But I looked a second time to verify what I saw (although I knew what I saw the first time). This is not considered intentional watching?
     
  7. mattyjsy

    mattyjsy Fapstronaut

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    Yeah maybe, but we're talking a couple of seconds here and you didn't act on it or act out afterwards. Like I said it's the equivalent of checking out a girl at the beach. I wouldn't worry about it, it's certainly not a reset or reboot, and as long as you carry on your streak but be aware and learn from this experience, it wont effect your reboot in the slightest. It wont be the last time this happens, you're going to see sexualised images throughout life, its how you deal with it that is important, and you dealt with this one pretty well. Keep going brother
     
  8. AlwaysWinning

    AlwaysWinning Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man!
    I hope this messed up feeling will fade away soon. Thanks for taking the time to read about my worries and respond!
     
    mattyjsy likes this.
  9. AlwaysWinning

    AlwaysWinning Fapstronaut

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    Hey @mattyjsy

    I am curious about your opinion of the following:

    Yesterday I was sitting at a place with a ceiling which was filled with paintings.
    I looked around and saw no nudity I think. I got nervous and somehow was curious and wanted to verify and looked if I could find any nudity. I saw some nude painting and a nude statue and turned my head away.

    I feel so stupid and feel that I watched on purpose and damaged my streak or messed up.

    Did I mess up something or damage my process? I really feel like I mess up my brain. I withdrawal symptoms and more weak than usual. But yet I m on 900+ days of no PMO. So confusing. Maybe I just feel paranoid. I feel like I damaged my healing brain and relapsed by looking on purpose. What do you think?

    Thanks in advance
     
  10. It's okay to want to avoid temptation but sometimes people make it seem as if it's contagious or something.

    Perhaps it's lack of self-control you are afraid of?

    Maybe recovery is just that: being able to appreciate a naked woman without having to compulsively masturbate
     
  11. As much as we try we always find this kind of thing, we have to be strong before them to overcome this addiction.
     
  12. coldhearted

    coldhearted Fapstronaut

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    You said you are in a 900+ days on no pmo ? Wow that's impressive dude! And about that image, you overthink it. You're fine.. as long as you don't seek it on purpose i don't see anything wrong. And don't let overthinking overcome you because you can get very repetitive thoughts and obsess over them which will lead to feel stressed and more likely to relapse. Just relax.
     
  13. AlwaysWinning

    AlwaysWinning Fapstronaut

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    Thanks @bken @Concorde-96 @Alex1111

    yea. It was quite an achievement to be around 900 days and I was happy to be on that way. It took me quite some attempts to finally break through and get to the level of so many PMO-free days.

    But that also made me more nervous of not wanting to screw up at these amount of days.
    This is exactly what is happening now.
    I feel extremely nervous and miserable. I feel weak, can't think clear, just feeling lost. I feel so confused and I am afraid that I messed up.

    Because I did watch it on purpose. I did not go there to check it out because I had been there before and that was the mission.
    I was taken to the place, but when i arrived and saw the paintings I knew that something might be there and somehow wanted to just quickly check if there was some nudity and I then turned my head away as soon as I saw some. I did not and will not MO to it, but I still feel that I lost my self control and that I messed up my recovery and I fell back again. Maybe it is just unreasonable and the fear makes me feel this way, but I feel such strong symptoms.. it is very scary.

    What are your opinions on it?
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  14. mattyjsy

    mattyjsy Fapstronaut

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    I'm my opinion you're definitely overthinking things here man, you're going to be confronted with sexual imagery, there is no avoiding that and your natural instinct is to look when presented with such imagery, if you're hoping to get to a point where your brain has no desire for sexual intimacy or stimulation you're gonna be disappointed. You're at 900+ days man, that's insane, this is the problem with nofap I find, its very easy to become obsessive over things like this and I've seen guys on good streaks use the guilt from flicking through a magazine and seeing a bikini model as an excuse to relapse and binge on pmo, it's crazy. Seeing nudity alone does not cause addiction, nor does it create any negative side effects, what we are experiencing is the result of years long excessive exposure to the most graphic sexual stimulation there is, in the early days of your reboot you are extremely sensitive to any sexual stimulation so we recommend you avoid it, at your stage your brain is no longer fried by overstimulation and you should be returning to a normal healthy sex drive and mindset. Just everytime you have something like this happen, think to yourself, first is this natural and healthy? Am I intentionally seeking it out for sexual gratification? Is this likely to lead to a chaser effect that will lead me back to pmo? The answer to all of those questions in this case is no, looking at a statue is not unnatural in the same way as pornography is, you didnt intentionally sit down to seek it out, it was just there and you saw it, and it hasn't led to a chaser from what I can gather. I want you to listen very carefully to my next sentence because it's very important, here it is, you're killing the fucking game my man, you're beating yourself up over nothing in the face of overwhelming victory over your pmo addiction and you need to stop doing it. You realise how many guys on this site wish they were in your position right now? Have confidence in yourself, dont overthink, seeing a pair of breasts is not an unnatural thing to see, and provided you're not acting on it or spending any amount of time dwelling on it you will be fine. You're an inspiration to all of us my man, dont let nagging doubts in your head distract you from that fact
     
  15. AlwaysWinning

    AlwaysWinning Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for taking the time to reply on my concerns man! I really appreciate it!

    I did not just look for a statue, but also a painting.
    It sounds ridiculous maybe. It is relatively innocent compared to the addiction stuff from the past. I just feel like I lost from myself and not sure how serious I should take this. I take it very seriously - just in case - and (Maybe there for) feel like I have binge PMO'd. The energy is out of me and i feel kinda destroyed. From a few seconds of some mild material basically. But it feels like a giant defeat. But perhaps it is the obsessive worrying that created this state. I think many people can relate to this feeling.

    I actually did quickly look for it intentionally and that it what drives me crazy. I don't know why I felt an urge to scan the place to see if I can find anything I actually want to avoid. So conflicting. The ceiling with all the paintings just triggered curiousity and wanted to know if I could find some nudity there. But I turned away immediately when I saw something. Not sure how seriously to take this. If this is considered a relapse or screwing up the process or not.
    I don't worry about meeting with sexual material accidentally. I am afraid about losing my self-control and re-checking. Because that is screwing up, right?


    Thanks again for your effort and help!
    Not sure what to do with my counter.
    If I would not consider these experiences to have a negative effect on the counter then I am on day 908 today. Now hopefully I will feel like this too soon.

    Thanks!
     
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2019
  16. It really sounds as if you're overthinking. This won't affect you in any kind of way.
    If you think what you did is bad, you don't want to know what I'm doing sometimes. I'm close to 2 years and will sometimes look at naked women to test my erections. Where I would have masturbated in the past, I now feel strong enough to do this, simply test if I can get an erection and close the tab.
    I don't consider this a relapse since there's no real intent to masturbate on my part. I do this because I want to know how my sexual health is. Therefore I don't reset my counter or think I need to start over. Sometimes I won't even get an erection because simple pics have become too unreal for me and I don't longer want that. Some things can be progress if you put them in the right perspective. That said it would be unwise to keep doing it and open the door for real temptations. It's a bit like playing with fire but again it's where self-control comes in and you need to train that as well, so exposure can have its place I think, under the right circumstances. There's a difference between looking at nudity 1 month in and looking at it 900 days in. At 900 days you should be able to manage your thoughts and the temptation, if you feel like you can, then there's absolutely no reason to reset your counter. It just doesn't work that way and progress shouldn't be measured in days, but rather in your approach to sexual content. Being afraid of sexual content implies some kind of uncertainty when it comes to your own ability to handle explicit nudity. A recovered addict should feel confident in his ability to handle this. That said it's still risky to purposely seek out and it shouldn't become a habit since it can snowball from there but it will be what seperates the recovered addict from the unrecovered addict. You need to be able to give these experiences a place and not think of them as something that is necessarily bad, as long as there's no real intent to use these for real sexual arousal to the point of climax. Hardcore pornography should be out of the question at any time, this needs to be said. I am not going to say p-subs or nudity is fine in any case but I also feel that a recovered addict or someone close to recovery should be able to handle a playboy magazine, get a boner from what he's seeing without this escalating into self-pleasuring. I do think simply nudity can help rewire but it should not become a habit in any case, depends on where recovery is at and hardcore porn should be out of the question for any recovering addict.
    Simply put you should be able to enter a men's locker room that has posters of naked ladies without freaking out about it. It's about trusting oneself, trusting the process and the own abilities. If you still feel as if you can't handle it, then by all means avoid explicit nudity, but resetting the counter over something like this goes too far imho. At 900 days you really should be able to see a naked boob without feeling the need to climax.
    Testing yourself should not become a habit as yes there are risks involved but it can have its place at some point in recovery, I hope you get what I'm trying to say... And I hope it makes you feel better about it.

    Cheers
     
  17. AlwaysWinning

    AlwaysWinning Fapstronaut

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    Thanks a lot for your reply!
     
  18. HardWorkOnly

    HardWorkOnly Fapstronaut

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    no man in my opinion this is not a relapse,dont forget we are human so we tend to look at attractive things
     
  19. AlwaysWinning

    AlwaysWinning Fapstronaut

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