I SERIOUSLY NEED HELP

I can't speak to what anyone should do especially about sexual behaviour. But I can say that for me any form of sex even healthy sex never made my problems go away and that was how I was using it. Not consciously but if you followed me like a sociologist your site in your little notebook " tries to use sex to deal with normal human problems in life.". Neither porn not masturbation will help make friends, regardless whether they're healthy for an individual or whether to try to stop one or both at once. I would try to address what I saw as problems like not having a girlfriend then I'd get depressed and act out one way or another and then wake up with still no girlfriend just shame and wasted time.
I felt like a piece of shit too. I didn't realize that I felt like a piece of shit at the center of the universe
I also thought I wanted to be sober but other times I definitely didn't want to be sober. I thought I had just changed my mind it that it was that person's fault for dressing that way or the world s fault for blah blah. Really it was that I couldn't imagine life without any pm+ and later I also at the same time couldn't imagine life with pm+. If anybody else here felt like sobriety was a sentence, a pitiful and quiet desperation that squeezed the life out of me whenever I would muscle through a few days if martyrdom by forcing myself not to pm+ then you are like me, a real addict. There is a solution but you won't like it and if you're like me it'll take years of "things got worse and I tried harder and things got worse and I tried the same things that have worked before."

 

I'm still at the first half of your sentence, but that makes perfect sense. Thank you for this.
@Peter_123 Thank you for your post. We are about the same age, so we probably lived in a similar technological world: growing up with internet pornography (and much of it explicit videos). I'm struggling one day at a time and it is not easy. But I'm seeing so many so many changes in my life. Just wanted to forward that your way. Stick with it and ask for help. I go to a 12 step program around sex and pornography and they help me a lot. I meditate. During the day, I make sure I do not fantasize excessively. If I see a really cute woman who is wearing alluring clothes, I don't keep staring at her. It takes a lot of work BUT I MUST do it. And you sound desperate IN A GOOD WAY. Look for resources. There are 12 step programs. Keep writing down (or typing down) your feelings. Thank you for your post. Your sobriety helps me--seriously.