Social anxiety

I've got a thread on anxiety in my profile if interested.

 

Hello, I am having the same issue. I even get nervous and at times leave the area. And this is making my life a living hell

 

social anxiety will reduce over time if u stay off the porn, could be worse before it gets better though, takes time to rebalance, I have found porn cams etc makes anxiety worse

 

Do you feel like the new people coming in the room feel the same way? The best way to overcome any mental problem is to stop making excuses. Your mind will make so many excuses and make you feel like a victim. You are not a victim, you are in charge!

 

I think that it's not just "not watching porn" it's more like stop watching porn and start bettering your life. Watch youtube videos, meditate go to events. The only person that can save you is yourself!

 

Thanks guys. Your suggestions are really helpful

 

having the same problem of social anxiety but i think so by just leaving the porn is not enough you should also do something like socializing yourself up

 

Hello mate! It is a great initiative being aware of that bad PMO-habit and wanting to stop it but I would just like to give you two general tips that is going to multiply the benefits of NoFap hard-mode and hopefully make your road to recovery a little smoother:

-In order to gain maximum benefits of NoFap and semen-retention, I strongly suggest you slowly start changing all of your bad habits (one by one) into good ones because if your body, mind and psyche are in a very poor state when starting out, just abstaining from PMO won't make that huge of a difference since they will be full of toxins and waste-materials which will make them all quite insensitive to an input of some extra minerals, protein and hormones. It is like being a smoker and a drinker (who rarely exercises) who's eating unhealthy foods and all of a sudden stops drinking for a prolonged period.
He will feel a little better for sure but since all other bad habits still remain he won't feel that great but have to remove them too in order to feel healthy and radiant. On the other hand, if he also stops smoking, adopting a healthy diet and starts exercising, he will feel tenfold better than if he just quit one single bad habit. Do you see what I mean?
It is the exact same thing with PMO, in order to make your body and mind as fine-tuned as possible to the change, you have to abandon several bad habits first.

-I was also suffering from social anxiety for many years (much of it due to PMO) before it finally started to abate 2-3 years ago (with my changing habits) and from my own experience, I can tell that the nervous, anxious and insecure vibe you put out there will be felt by people immediately, more than anything else. Most people who have it tend to not feel comfortable, good or accepting themselves and a person who feel that way can't hide it in a social setting since that energy will be felt throughout the crowd right away.
So, in order to kill your social anxiety (guaranteed), you have to feel good and confident about yourself first and when your streaks of PMO-abstinence grows longer, you will get a huge confidence boost for sure (which will also boost your confidence and sense of self-acceptance) but the other good habits are just as important as well in order for you to feel good.
There are also several tools online for how to become a master in social settings (such as "Charisma on command" on Youtube), many of them are for free as well, so they are an incredibly valuable source for self-development.
Just keep in mind that social-skills are not acquired and mastered overnight. It takes a lot of practice, road-bumps and experience to become good at it, just like anything else.
It took me 10-11 years to overcome and could have gone much faster if it wasn't for my PMO-habits and ability to fall back into old tracks and patterns.

 

Yeah but you need to become more social to beat social anxiety.

 

PMO has caused you to become isolated. Isolation allows you to minimize pain, problems, and negative experiences while maximizing pleasure. It's a coping mechanism that allows you to have certainty and comfort whereas reality has no guarantees and is full of adversity. So in those 6 years you've conditioned yourself to become weak and soft in the face of life's challenges. To become very uncomfortable around other people in situations that you have very little control. You've reinforced the belief that you can't handle the uncertainties and adversities of reality so you need the coping mechanism of PMO as a crutch.

You view uncertainty and the unpredictability of other people as dangerous. So you become excessively careful and overly cautious to make sure that you do the right thing that will get you a positive outcome or at the very least not experience a negative outcome. You're basically playing not to lose. That manifests itself by trying very hard not to be seen or heard. To not put who you are out there for others to "attack". The belief that you can't handle things when they don't go your way which you've reinforced for 6 years is causing resistance with your desire to be able to freely communicate and express yourself with others. That resistance is the social anxiety that you've developed.

Repeated competence leads to confidence, but to gain competence with anything that's currently beyond your level you require repeated courage. The repeated courage to do something that might not work. Something that you might fail and get rejected at. Something that could lead to pain, problems, and negative experiences. PMO was all (seemingly) positive and no negative, but it's fake and empty. You want to develop your reality. Reality consists of both positive and negative. The quality of your life's solutions and pleasures correlates with the quality of pain and problems you're able to handle. You can't have the positive experiences without the negative experiences. That's not reality. That's porn.

So to level up through the process of courage -> competence -> confidence, you need to regularly expose yourself to social situations and push beyond what's familiar, safe, and comfortable. Circumstances are made not to matter as much by experiencing them more. More experience means less uncertainty and being able to develop the strength and knowledge to deal with pain and problems. Where most people go wrong is they want the competence and confidence BEFORE taking any action. That's not reality. That's porn and other forms of escapism. Repeated courage with something that might not work is required to gain the necessary experiences to gain competence and confidence.

The ones who become very successful in social situations are the ones who are willing to be seen and heard. The ones who risk getting hurt and are able to deal with pain / problems. The ones who are willing to fail and get rejected for expressing themselves honestly and vulnerably. The ones who are willing to be incompetent and insecure in the beginning yet still taking action.

Welcome to reality. Where there are no guarantees and not everyone will be interested in you. If that's not your cup of tea, then go back to the world of porn where everything is under your control with the instant gratification click of a button. Reality can be cruel, unforgiving, and merciless, but just as the lows can be lower... the highs can be a lot higher than any form of escapism.

 

Good posts above.

Gotta say it is a long haul. Been feeling pretty down in the last week about the futility of it all, but I am convinced good times and change will be become conscious.

 

Lonely, never hook up with girls as I don't have a social life. Mostly care about sex anyway. I usually get jacked off weekly by a massage lady. She's cheap and great. Glad I discovered her. On rare occasions, I butt fuck escorts with big booties. This I will be doing in about a week. Sick of fapping though as I do it daily. Feel much better when I only fap once per week. Currently, I'm on a 3-day streak. How do I add this to my profile?

Thoughts on my lifestyle? Does anyone else live in a similar way?

My goal is to reduce fapping to once per week.

I did use to hook up with girls regularly in high school. I haven't been on a date since my last year of high school which was 2010. I had a friend group who ousted me in 2012 (long story). Never been able to relate with people they way I could with them ever since. I hate it. I live at home, work full time during the week and go to cafes etc. with my Mum on the weekend. It's okay but not great.


I think I need a girlfriend in my life. Who else can relate?