Finding love for oneself, before finding a partner

Goodmorning dear Reader,

This is a thread I've been thinking about writing for some time now. And it revolves around an observation and statement which has helped my dating life.
The statement is this: "One should find love for oneself, before searching for love from others."

Over the past few years, I've been seeing a trend among the people who are near to me. My friends, loved ones, and even complete strangers on parties asking for advice. These people were all searching for a partner. Someone to share their journey with, or just someone to share the night with. Whatever the case was, they were searching, but were not able to find it.

I observed as they acted unlike themselves when around the desired person, and sometimes even saw them neglect themselves in favour of being with the other. And the sad thing is? Not one of those people who tried so hard got what they wanted.

Why is this? Well, I kept observing one friend of mine (he is like a brother to me so I saw him often), and saw that once he let the desire for the other person go, he started improving. He began working on himself. Exercising and reading, even trying harder in school. All the time and energy he normally spent searching for a partner, was now spent working on making himself better.

When I confronted him with this he said the following, I can still remember it: "Weird that people notice it, I just started doing my own thing." He changed his focus from other people to himself, started doing the things he wanted to do. Instead of doing the things of which he thought the other wanted him to do.

This made him love himself more, and as a consequence, made other people love him as well. Women flock to him now and friends respect him more. These days, he has no trouble finding a partner and is the most confident guy I know.

I believe we can all achieve this, but we have to start by loving ourselves. And the best way to do this is by improving ourselves a little bit, every single day.

Best regards and have a great day,

Chris A. Denver

 

Goodafternoon dear Silverson,

Thank your for your words regarding the post! We can all take my friend as inspiration in life. He had to climb up from a deep, dark place to get a place with the view he has now, metaphorically speaking ofcourse. Use your new found energy productively and you will go far. I believe in your ability to find what you want and wish you all the best.

Best regards,

Chris A. Denver

 

Goodmorning dear Fullyawake,

I agree with your point of course. How you look is very important for the attraction other people have for you. But do not lose sight of the internal attractiveness!

This attractiveness is a just as big, if not bigger, part of the love equation. We should all strive to be our best selves. A big part of this is striving to internalize some good virtues. Virtues like wisdom, honesty, courage and being kind to others. Other people will pick up on them, and it will feel good to follow them.

I wish you a great day!

Best regards,

Chris A. Denver

 

Goodmorning dear Nines,

Being honest with oneself is in my opinion one of the most important skills for self-improvement. How can we see what's wrong with our current habits if we're not honest about the damage it's doing to us?

We should all be honest with ourselves and with others. No matter how difficult this might be most of the time.

Best regards,

Chris A. Denver