I hate myself

The fact that you are here tells me that you in fact do have a desire to quit, the problem is however, the primitive part of your brain doesnt. What makes pmo so hard to quit is that you have to go to war with your own brain that thinks pmo is the greatest thing ever, it's tough man. I think where you are going wrong is you're just trying to cut porn out and you're not replacing it with anything, sitting around alone watching youtube vids is my danger zone, it's the time I'm most likely to relapse so I try to keep myself busy and stay around friends and family as much as possible. In the early stages of nofap it seems impossible to quit but once you pick up some healthy habits and get a few days streak g0ing you get some momentum and it gets easier. Try pick up a hobby, preferably something physical, go to the gym and get bigger, or pick up boxing or bjj and learn to fight, the sense of accomplishment and fulfillment when doing these things is so much greater than pmo and it gives you a new and effective way to produce your own dopamine, instead of just cutting it out and white knuckle your way through the withdrawels

 

I'm going through a funk as well. I don't even feel like going back to SAA. PMO has been my emotional salve right now going through some disappoints. I realize I need to quit doing this if I'm going to be a better man.

All I have for you right now is that remember you're not alone.

 

I'm in the exact same place as you - losing control, getting tired of doing the responsible thing. We have to see the big picture. Don't think about what makes you feel good right now - think about what accomplishments you will be proud of in the future!

 

What ever your life situation and your level of addiction(s) may be, it could help to take a look at the first step of the 12-step program:

• Admitting that one cannot control one's alcoholism, addiction or compulsion

(Link to Wikipedia article)

 

Good luck my friend!

 

You decided to blame everything on porn because it is convenient, but nothing will change if you stop.
You will continue to not want to study, and just play games and watch youtube all day.
I know exactly what is wrong with you - you are depressed.
Depression makes you unmotivated to put effort in to anything, so depressed people only do activities where no effort is needed, they first assume they are lazy then being to look for reasons why.
You can test this easily - no youtube, no games, no phone, no leisure activities at all for one day and see how miserable you feel. That feeling is what you are trying to deal with.

 

Are you sure it's depression and not addiction?

 

Are you sure it's addiction and not depression?

 

No. I'm sure it's addiction, because I am addicted to the internet. But I don't know if I'm depressed. Withdrawal makes you feel depressed, but that doesn't imply that you actually are. So you might be confusing the two. I am incredibly happy all the time but I could be depressed after all, who knows.

Summary:

• Addiction -> Yes
• Addiction AND NOT Depression -> Don't know

But since I know it's addiction, I can focus my efforts on trying to remediate that situation, rather than trying to fix depression which I may or may not have. That is more productive in my opinion.

 

What you say maybe true for you, I honestly do not know, but we are discussing this thread and specific person, who said specific things.
People come here to fix what they think is the problem - porn use.
It does not take too much to understand that some of them use drugs, or alcohol or they are depressed. But they do not mention that in their post directly.
When this happens it is best to make them aware of that, so they do not spend another year walking in the dark. If they are ready to hear that - obviously.

This chicken and egg problem, of what what comes first depression or porn abuse is at odds with what almost everyone who arrives here says.
Vast majority of people begin their stories with: troubled childhood, social problems, isolation, depression. They then explain how porn use escalated, and how they have social problems, feel isolated and depressed.
Many do not realize how different same emotional issues look from perspective of a child vs adult and people do not realize how their own perception of the problems thy are having is changing, so they see their problems as new, despite dealing with them most of their life.
Just by getting older and having lower sex drive, individual gets control over his use of pornography. He may think he has grown, and got past it, but reality is that as he got older the very sex drive that pushed him, weakened.
He was struggling in his twenties and somehow felt he can manage it in his thirties. That is obvious, emotional stability and much lower sex drive gives him that sense of control but he is sure - its his hard work. It took me 25 years to completely stop he says.
And then he obsesses over something else, like a hobby he spends 8 hours a day on, to cope with his isolation and depression.

Significant predisposition is needed for pornography abuse, qualities that are far more common in young people of modern times. Normal healthy adult does not fall in to pit of porn abuse because he saw it.
Depressed adult who divorced, lost his job or had other trauma, that put him in to state of isolation, self-dobt and depression - this person can begin abuse.

 

Your story reminds me of myself, except nobody pushed me but myself. You stated how even when you were tired and drained your dad forced you to keep going, I felt the same but my mind was telling me to keep going.

I play basketball and I had an u healthy obsession with it, I felt I wasn’t that good in school and I didn’t enjoy drinking and smoking like everybody else, so I used to grind in the gym and PMO every single day. My obsession was based around the fact that basketball was my only chance at ever being great, this causes me to train nonstop, I would wake up at 4AM before school to train, I then would proceed to train the rest of the day after school. I quit hanging out with my friends, with girls, I destroyed my whole social life and isolated myself because of my obsession for the sport. The high that PMO would give me was like no other, it brought me happiness for a short amount of time, and I abused it because I thought it was my only friend.

I’m 18 now and I graduated from high school last year. I was ranked top 100 in my class in the country. I had multiple D1 scholarships but due to my PMO addiction that was ongoing for a decade, it finally caught up to me and caused a series of severe mental issues, I have been diagnosed with severe OCD, severe social and general anxiety, PTSD, severe Bipolar disorder, and major depression. This caused me to quit the D1 team I was committed and signed to, and I’m now just realizing that PMO is the cause.

Do you feel sports and excessive training sort of isolated you from everybody else and that you used porn as a “drug” for happiness?

 

You must find what it is within you in which you seek in order to destroy all addictions. Take responsibility for your past mistakes and move forward to make yourself a better version of you. Write down what it is you want to achieve and read it every single day and look into the mirror and tell yourself these things as well. Become emotionally mature. Small changes can lead to big changes. Why are you doing PMO? What is the end goal? Where will you be 90 days from now? Will you look back and be proud or still be the same as you were? Is love a possibility [if you walk alone currently] once you are whole again before this evil took over? If you are in a relationship, is it fair to the person to not be 100% committed only to that person? What do they deserve? What other changes can make you better? Who are you? Where are you headed? Why do you want to head there?