It's hard to be honest

I work with the 12 steps. And the 9th say
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

And we say that, no need to go into detail. You tell her you TOOK a relapse by watching porn and why it happend.

The details is no good for you or her or your marage

 

As an so, I believe that you tell her however much she asks to know. She should be in control of how much detail she wants. If my husband wouldn’t tell me what I want to know, that is a greater offense to me than his relapse. Just my .02 cents worth

 

You are so right! It is a damned if you do damned if you don’t, lol. In this case though it a choice between bad and not as bad. Of course it hurts her when u fail! It hurts worse when you lie or omit when you fail;(

 

I feel that you should go into every detail of the 'why' you relapsed. Really dig deep into the triggers and thought patterns. I have found this really helpful for me and to help my SO to understand how I end up doing something I have told her I really do not want to do. The 'what' is not important in my mind, it is how I got there that is, so I can learn from the experience. How about writing it all down here before you disclose, so you can formulate a plan to prevent the same thing happening again. Then when you do tell her you can show an understanding of why you did it and can explain steps you are taking to prevent it happening again.

 

If you are anything like me, be prepared to be surprised at your own thoughts. I was amazed at the amount and frequency of sexualised thoughts I have throughout the day. When I notice them starting now, I say to myself 'NO', and distract with a different thought. This usually works but can need repeating hundreds of times a day to start with.
And again, I disclose to my wife the fact that I get these thoughts, but all she gets is that I am having unwanted sexualised thoughts, she doesn't get the details.