Please read my story

First, if you can stay away from porn for a few months, you are likely to find that two things happen:
1 - real women will become more appealing, and
2 - porn actresses will look...unappealing.
This just happens naturally, so you don't have to wonder "what's wrong with you."
Nothing is wrong. We all automatically wire whatever we're getting off to to our sexual arousal. So if you keep getting off to porn and porn fantasy then that is what your body will find arousing. If you stop, you begin to weaken the association. It's really that simple. The trick is that you need consistency for a few months to see what's going on.
Watch this video and you will understand more. It applies to all ages: http://yourbrainonporn.com/adolescent-brain-meets-highspeed-internet-porn
Also, read "He redeemeth my soul" by Donald Hilton MD (LDS too). He has a son your age and he has done a great job of explaining the science behind your situation. Forget the shame. Just learn how brain plasticity works.
Good luck!

 

Chase,

I am glad to see you on this forum. I am 22 and I'm also Mormon. I am glad that you are willing to do this to save your marriage. I have been home from my mission for 10 months and I've struggled with porn for most my entire life. I haven't taken the sacrament for 8 months now and I remember being SO scared to attend church at college and not take the sacrament in front of my peers but now I'm over it and I prefer it this way than taking it un-worhtily. Maybe you would benefit from reading "the miracle of Forgiveness" I read it while on my mission under my presidents direction.... and I've tried to read "He redeemeth my soul" but never got around to finishing it but I get the idea behind the whole book.

Some things that I'm doing (though i'm new) are to set goals and have sponsors ie. my parents. They are more than willing to remind me and encourage me to be better and they will always love me. In fact i was afraid to tell them too! I was afraid to tell my bishop. I mean, here i was, a newly returned missionary.... someone whose perfect right?? RIGHT.....

So in my deepest humility i confessed and I'm glad I did cuz i need my parents help and i feel like they really do care about me. Maybe your wife is your wife because she loves you no matter what. else you wouldn't have married her nor she to you. So if your comfortable, get your parents help first, then council with them about whether you should tell your wife or not. I can't make that decision for you but I know that your worrying yourself too much about her judging you, cuz she WON'T. In fact, she might trust you MORE if you can open up to her and maybe she will be grateful you are honest. My highschool experience was sad cuz I had sex and alot of it with the same girl over and over, and finally i was caught. I broke up with her and now she's on a mission and i couldn't be happier for her cuz she truly learned how to repent.... while i continued to PMO up until my mission and MO even during my mission.... which the president knew, but helped me alot with, and now i'm here struggling agian. so now i'm trying to do what you tried, to kick this addiction before marriage and I too have had that same thought, "ohh once i get married it will be better...." and i'm glad you shared your experience, because i want to help you even more so now because i can relate.... in the sense that I don't want to tell my sister missionary that I PMO (because i'm waiting for her)(she's the same girl i sex with in high school) because i'm afraid she wont want to marry me anymore once she gets back in october. So now i'm like, i'll just date other girls.... which i am doing, actually i have a girlfriend.... and we almost had sex last week but i remembered how awful it was the feeling i had when i had sex in highschool.... plus my current girlfriend had sex in highschool.... so we are kinda weak on that side....ANYWAYS, I just want to STOP PMO and start treating my gf right and if things go right then i'll just marry her and let the perfect sister missionary marry someone she deserves! IDK. maybe you have insight that'd help me. I hope my advice helped you. I just feel like we can relate in a few ways and i'd be interested in being your partner that you can report your success to.

ALSO, click on my progress tracker (The green bar in my signature) and make your own goals. that'd help remind you to keep it up.

much love, your brother in idaho

 

Also there is a group called MORMON (LDS) NoFappers that you can join to keep fellow mormons a heads up on your progress! just click on community, groups and scroll till you see a pic of the slc temple

 

Thank you for posting this Chase. I am 22 years old and also a Mormon, and I feel like you just described my situation to the tee. The only difference is I am not married yet. But I've really struggled with relationships and have ended some telling them, "it's just not working out." When in reality it is because I feel so much guilt and do not want to bring someone else into this problem. Even though the relationship is going well on the outside its all messy on the inside, though they have no idea. You are a good man for wanting to change. I know how hard it can be to serve a mission and pursue an eternal companion while feeling so much guilt for what we do. I hate that feeling when someone, especially a loved one, tells us how good we are or how lucky they are to have us, because all I feel inside is gross and disgusting. I want that to change too. I want to hear those words and know they are true. I also want to change my image of women and love someone fully. I just want an inkling of hope in my life. I just barely joined this site today and am in this battle with you! We can do this! If we just keep fighting we will win this!

 

I really relate to this. I'm not Mormon, but I also grew up in a minority Christian faith.

I can't tell you what to do. It may be a huge mistake to tell your wife about your addiction, but I would recommend giving it considerable thought. Recall that your longest stretch of time without PMO was because you were on your mission and had watchful eyes around you. If she could get past her insecurities and be there for you to hold you accountable, it could honestly be the best thing for you. You said: "One of the saddest parts about my story is that my wife has no idea and I plan to keep it that way. She has asked me on numerous occasions if I watch porn only because its such prevalent problem in our church and the leaders of our church encourage wife’s to ask their husbands that very question, and every time she’s asks...I will flat out lie."

I suspect she knows more than she lets on. Women seem to have a sixth sense about these things, and as deep as you've gotten she can probably tell that something isn't right, but doesn't know what exactly. She may be relieved if she found out the truth and knew you were trying to get help. Then again, maybe not. I don't know your wife as well as you do, but I'd highly encourage you to consider telling her. If she loves you, she'll be there for you, even if she may feel hurt initially.

You said: "As beautiful as she is, she is very possessive and insecure and can hardly handle it when I point out a very obviously beautiful celebrity. To imagine the way she would react if she knew of my addiction SCARES THE HELL out of me."

I think you're being a little bit unfair with some of the assumptions and comparisons that you're making. Yes, she may feel insecure when you point out a beautiful woman, but she could just as easily feel compassion, empathy and a desire to help you through this addiction, especially if you frame it as you wanting to go get help and not continue doing these same things. I think you're comparing apples and oranges and she may be the kind of person that would have very different views and approaches if she understand the entirety of the picture and circumstances (namely, that you want to stop and get help).

I don't want this to backfire on you, but honestly, if she won't support you through this then maybe she doesn't love you and you would be better off without her and she would be better off without you.

Trying to get over this without her on board is going to make things harder on you than they could be if she was involved and helpful. And even if she does leave, at least then you're free to go to therapy and get help openly from others without worrying about her finding out.

-ancient

 

Not sure what you mean about directly replying. But I did want to let you know that I spoke with a young lady friend of mine about this topic. I showed it to her and my response. She went through a divorce last year and her husband went from watching porn, to actually cheating. I asked her if she agreed with my advice and she did 100%. It will probably hurt your wife to find out now, but it will hurt her worse if she catches you or if you finally do cheat.

-ancient

 

Thanks a lot for sharing your story, it inspire me a lot because I'm a Mormon too and I identify a lot with your story!

 

I too am a member!
Keep up the fight brothahhs!!
Thanks for the inspiration as well to keep moving foward!!