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It's hard to be honest pt. 2

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Sherlock_Poems, Oct 29, 2019.

  1. Sherlock_Poems

    Sherlock_Poems Fapstronaut

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    It sucks not to have a choice. If this relationship is going to work SO needs to feel safe. For her to feel safe I have do what she says whether I want it or not
    If I don't she will call this whole thing off.

    How am I supposed to be real when I have no options?
    I argued with her over me moving out and we almost had to discuss custody.
    I don't have a voice I don't have options with her.
    Her way or we really done.
    It's so much easier to just be quiet. And follow her lead. But then I'm not being real and honest. And I'm just placating.
    Honestly I kinda hate her right now and I don't want to see her for a long ass time

    We did all this before. She knew everything I did, every time I fell, where I was at all times, I came home after every work shift to be with her and the kids, I got restrictions on all my devices and the settings were retarded so everything was blocked constantly.

    I wasn't living. Just existing. I cant live that way again. And I didn't even do anything this time. I'm just continuing the PM struggle and she keeps saying she can't trust me. I don't know what else I can do. I want to give up
     
  2. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Hmmm... what do you mean by no choice? Do everything in your power to quit your addiction and never go back, not one slip. If you aren’t slipping back she will feel safe. If you keep slipping, every damn time puts her right back at the beginning. You are actually the one in control here. Are you saying you can’t live with restrictions on your electronic devices? That’s more important than your health and your relationships? I’m thinking she feels like everything has been your way for a long time, this addiction touches every aspect of your life with her. You may not see it, but I’ve lived it for 27 years, longer than you’ve been alive.
     
  3. Sherlock_Poems

    Sherlock_Poems Fapstronaut

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    It would be easier for me to understand if I sqrewd up again. If I had been talking to another girl, or was partaking in dangerous behavior. But I have doNE everything her way for years.
    And now I'm having to start over with her because I'm still struggling with P.
    She wants me to be honest and upfront. But if I was to do that we would be over.
    And if I keep doing what she says when she says it I'm lying and will go backwards because I'm not being honest.
     
  4. Sherlock_Poems

    Sherlock_Poems Fapstronaut

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    Getting over P takes awhile. If I could just want it bad enough and be over it in a week that would be awesome. I've been this way for 17 years. It's not gonna go away easily. I'm going to fall and mess up. As long as I keep trying it will be over eventually.
     
  5. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    You havent quit giving your sexual attention and desires and time to other women. Just because you don’t think it as bad as “ talking to another woman” doesn’t make it any less painful to her. Have you been lying to her for years? Acting out with porn and lying is hardly doing everything her way and for her. You have been cheating on her your entire relationship. Easier for you to understand? How is she supposed to feel that you prefer thousand of fake women and your hand to her, a breathing, loving, feeling person whom you claim to love. I’m not trying to make you feel bad but she is the wounded and betrayed. She needs you to do certain things to feel safe, is it hard? Yup. Impossible? Nope, but it’s going to take a lot of work. Is she seeing a counselor? She will also need to repair the damage you have done as her brain is now working differently as well.
     
    IamOlive and Sherlock_Poems like this.
  6. Sherlock_Poems

    Sherlock_Poems Fapstronaut

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    I don't get it. But I understand. I have been browsing SO support trying to understand where she is coming from.
    How do you mean her brain is working differently now?
     
  7. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Betrayal trauma... it’s what you caused when she found out about your secret sex life. Read up on it. Unless your clean from porn though, you will have very little empathy and you just won’t understand because you are still under the influence. It makes her live from her amygdala. It has literally changed her brain. She has to relearn how not to always be afraid. She might need emdr, but she definitely would do better if she saw a counselor. A csat really helped me.
     
    Sherlock_Poems likes this.
  8. Sherlock_Poems

    Sherlock_Poems Fapstronaut

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  9. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Helping her heal by Weiss is a really good dvd to get. Well worth the money.
     
    Sherlock_Poems likes this.

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