Just need someone to listen

Hi.
Sorry to hear that about your partner. I think to have PIED is not a reason to leave you to be honest. There are methods like pills and another sort of things that it could work in that sense for a while. But read the meaning of PIED of the NF glossary:

• PIED: Porn-induced erectile dysfunction. Through years of using porn, male users might discover that they are unable to achieve or maintain an erection without the use of porn or porn fantasy. This is very detrimental to real-world sexual encounters and could strain relationships. The cure to PIED is rebooting.

I developed PIED most of the time I watched porn and I'm suffering PIED in my rebooting trough the day because some nights I noticed that I have morning woods, but it's not enough for me. I'm over 100 days of rebooting right now and my dick is still like dead. But the issue is not down there, it's in our minds. Of course there's a solution, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but you have to walk trough it until the light.

I still have hope man.
Don't give up and try again, Don't stop of trying.

Don't talk about you don't want to continue living, please.
If you relapsed last night, OK, this is a new day. You have to change some things in your life…bad habits and take good ones.

Today starts your new life.

 

I 100% know someone who is cured from pied. He did a reboot and stopped watching porn altogether.
But in addition to that, you have to accept yourself exactly the way you are now. Your condition is temporary, but Now, it's ok to be the way it is. You cannot force yourself to stay hard, so trying to do that just delays what you really want. Let go and back up a little, be generous, kind and patient with your mind, body and soul, now. Now.

 

I understand your pain. This is no fun. I am determined to stay off of porn. I want a normal sex life again desperately.

 

Please change your life style. Create something. Use your mind and energy on something else to keep you busy and motivated. I feel a deep depression and suicidal thoughts in your words. Please don't let those occupy your mind. First of all, to understand PIED, read lots of threads and posts online. And then start to do something, meditate, exercise, meet new people, create new things, read, go for a walk, socialize.