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In need of encouragement.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Fallensoldier1, Nov 1, 2019.

  1. Fallensoldier1

    Fallensoldier1 Fapstronaut

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    Long post here. I’m basically just looking to vent because I’m lonely and so exhausted with PMO AND NOFAP.

    So nofap is a roller coaster, who’s with me? I have felt the best I have ever felt, and the worst I have ever felt and even got so scared paid a visit to the ER while on nofap.

    So I’ve been trying to quit for a little over 2 years probably. I could say right now I feel the best physically than I have ever felt in my life. Mentally tho, I’m probably the worst I have ever been. The stress and anxiety is insane. Which leads to higher blood pressure than normal, and heart palpitations and even more anxiety. And then I’m thinking, what do I have to be stressed about? Nothing major. Have 3 wonderful kids, a wonderful wife, a house, a job, transportation. Do I have everything I have ever wanted? Of course not, do I have everything I need. Absolutely.

    I can’t handle any kind of stressful situations right now. If I need to work on the house, or my truck or anything minor, I stress out. If the kids are running around and making messes and being loud, I stress out. Hey, at least they are healthy and having fun! I never used to be so wired as I am now. I have been through some extremely dark depression while on nofap and I will say for the most part that has improved dramatically.


    I went 101 days hard mode last year and earlier this year, then me and the wife were intimate and I went 103 more days PMO free. So I went 204 days total without looking at P or touching myself. That was in April and since then I have had hard times staying back on track. I have only watched actually P a couple times. All the other times I’ve relapsed lately has just been social media account pictures of girls I know, I deleted Instagram and deactivated Facebook.

    also I got rid of reddit. That has been my problem these last several months, I keep reinstalling it and relapsing again. Again not to women have sex, more just pictures of women and with very minimal clothes or none at all.


    My main problem right now is the stress and anxiety. When these symptoms first started I went and got a ekg and X-rays and blood work and everything came back ok. But I keep fearing I’m over stressing myself too much and I fear of a heart attack.


    I would add I’m 31, in pretty decent shape, 180lbs and 6 feet tall. I am moderately active. Take vitamin B,C, and D, fish oil, tumeric and ginger, magnesium at night. And I drink w shot of apple cider vinegar regularly too.

    The anxiety leads to heart palpitations some, which have calmed down. Heart doesn’t beat very fast anymore. But every once and awhile it almost feels like it skips a beat. Like when your adrenaline starts pumping like something scares you? Then it goes away. And when I think about it, or if I say hey that hasn’t happened in awhile, it sometimes will happen.

    I would be lying if I didn’t say I missed looking up PMO. It is very calming and a great way to escape. And I actually don’t miss watching actual P. But I miss just looking on Instagram for women or looking up more soft core stuff. Maybe I’m still just healing very slow. But when I’m stressed or bored, that’s what my brain wants to do. And I wish I didn’t want to do it also.


    Weekends are the hardest at night once my family goes to bed also. Especially when me and the wife aren’t intimate or getting along the best.
     
    LoooL likes this.
  2. Maybe go see a therapist? Plenty of people do it, it can be very helpful.

    I've too have visited the ER from fear of heart attacks, and once I called an ambulance to my house because of the same fears. I couldn't believe that it was caused by anxiety and how real it felt. I advise you to download the app called Headspace, and pay the small monthly fee it costs. Then you do some sessions everyday, more than once and if you can find the time, put it to 20 minute sessions. It's extremely helpful and because its guided meditation it really makes it easier. Given your situation I really think you should give it a serious try.

    Good luck.
     
  3. BigOne79

    BigOne79 Fapstronaut

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    I agree with Stratcha... You NEED to practice mindfulness. You have to go somewhere quiet and do some deep breathing. Your mind and body are on overload from the PMO as well as the other stress in your life. You are trying to break addiction as well with living a normal married life with kids, house, taxes, and mortgage. You probably do not have ANYTHING to be stressed about except what you are doing to yourself mentally and physically with porn. You need to connect more with your wife and ONLY her. Going back to Porn Subs and porn will only ruin us men. We have to practice restraint and this addiction is hard to do that with. I have HEADSPACE as well and it is great. Not sure how you like working out with weights and walking/hiking but would do great to relieve the stress you feel. You need to do some fun things as well with your time. I am sure it feels like NO FUN with three kids running around, wife to please, and taking care of the home along with work.

    Try getting away with your wife for a weekend or two soon. If you live somewhere cold, go somewhere like AZ or Florida just the two of you and connect as much as possible. Hopefully family could help watch the kids. If you cannot go out of town that long then a nice weekend in town doing something by yourselves. Also, any hobbies that you like to do or wanted to do then do them when you have those urges and you will be better for it.
     
    Fallensoldier1 likes this.
  4. Fallensoldier1

    Fallensoldier1 Fapstronaut

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    Hey bud. Well actually I payed for a year of that last year when it was on sale like half off for Christmas. Tbh I didn’t give it the effort it deserved. I probably need to revisit it.
     
  5. CyKage2652

    CyKage2652 Fapstronaut

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    I need that too :/
     
    Fallensoldier1 likes this.
  6. 20 minute sessions has been my savior. Something about the laid back and genuine vibe of "Andy" soothes me and makes it way easier to stick with it. Consistency is everything with meditation, day by day you remove yourself a little more from anxiety and finally you're so integrated with it that you end up catching your mind racing and can slow down before its panic mode. Please give it a serious effort, for like at least a month.
     
    Fallensoldier1 likes this.
  7. Fallensoldier1

    Fallensoldier1 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you sir for the kind words. Your right tho, everyday stuff is wearing and tearing on me right now. The brain fog and such is rough too. I do have the subscription for headspace until December. I will try it out again. I also enjoy watching peaceful beach or rain videos often in the background on YouTube. And the magnesium glycinate I take at bedtime is supposed to be the best type of magnesium for stress. The thought has came to mind maybe I should try going to the doctor and getting on a low dose antidepressant. But I also want my brain and body to heal normally and naturally.
     
  8. Fallensoldier1

    Fallensoldier1 Fapstronaut

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    Wow this testimony does make me want to try it more. It’s hard to find 20 minutes alone in a quiet space honestly. Unless I do it right before bed or something. Or maybe get up earlier before work and try it then? The morning seems like a great time to do it.
     
  9. Fallensoldier1

    Fallensoldier1 Fapstronaut

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    So do you normally just do the daily meditations? Or go through the catalog. Sometimes it does seem overwhelming to me about how many there are.
     
  10. Yes, definitely morning. There's a special pack on there that specifically trains you to recognize when your mind start to get distracted on too many thoughts and learns you how to break it of and return focus to baseline.
     
    Fallensoldier1 likes this.
  11. You can't go wrong, all of them follow a similar technique when you focus on your breath and count them up to 10.
     
    Fallensoldier1 likes this.
  12. Fallensoldier1

    Fallensoldier1 Fapstronaut

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    Wow. This is the problem I had before. I tried meditating and I fell asleep lol!
     
  13. BigOne79

    BigOne79 Fapstronaut

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    No to the ANTIDEPRESSANT... that should be a last resort after Yoga, meditation, or physical exercise has been exhausted.
     
    Fallensoldier1 likes this.
  14. Fallensoldier1

    Fallensoldier1 Fapstronaut

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    I would add that I do strength train with weights at the gym. I don’t really do cardio like I would like. And I haven’t been to the gym in a couple weeks
     
  15. BigOne79

    BigOne79 Fapstronaut

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    I understand, you have a lot going on at home. It's very difficult to get away when so many people need you around. The meditation is probably the best thing to do right now if you find your self at home a lot.
     
    Fallensoldier1 likes this.
  16. Fallensoldier1

    Fallensoldier1 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you sir. Yes and being at home and finding time alone is hard unless late at night, when I would normally PMO. Try to meditiate then if I could stay awake.
     
  17. Demodectic

    Demodectic Fapstronaut

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    As an experiment try to abstain from alochol, tobacco, caffeine and MJ for 10 days. See if the palpitations or racing thoughts stop. Also since you have a wife why dont you do Karezza ? Where its slow, intimate and no ejaculation for the man.

    Also you may be living in a life situation that is too stressful for you to handle. Such as a sales job or being around negative people or maybe your wife is over critical and making you feel like you are "not good enough"
     
    Fallensoldier1 likes this.
  18. Fallensoldier1

    Fallensoldier1 Fapstronaut

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    Yes true. I do not smoke or really drink. I haven’t had alcohol in prolly a couple months but anytime I have ever drank it’s only been one or two and not regularly. The caffeine tho is harder. I don’t drink much but do have one cup of coffee a day and lately it’s been decaf. But do have a soda maybe once a day or every other day.



    My heart rate lately has been slower but the feelings of a skipper beat or something similar has been scary. That’s probably happened about 4 or 5 times over the last couple months. I’m not sure if it’s a skipped beat or not but feels like a sudden boost of adrenaline or something. Like you see something that Scares you.

    My job is kinda stressful but I don’t deal with customers or anything. I work in a factory. My marriage isn’t really what I wish it was. But it is much improved than it was this time last year. Thank you for your good tips and advice.
     
  19. Demodectic

    Demodectic Fapstronaut

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    I take 5-HTP 100mg and St Johns Wort 300mg and these are natural seretonin boosters. 10 years ago my social anxiety disorder and stress levels where so bad that it was even causing my skin to itch (especially on my legs). I was living with my abusive father and he would criticize and put me down everyday. I was prescibed P*xil and sometimes other SSRI's.

    I managed to taper off the SSRI's after a few years and now I am only taking the natural supplements and zero psychiatric medication. I quit a sales job that was too stressful for me and the daily rejections where harming my self-esteem. I finally ended a 3 year long term relationship with a girl that was overly critical and constantly trying to make me jelous and insecure. She would tell me "I was at the mall today and this guy kept following me around the entire mall and asking for my phone number and finally I gave it to him so he would go away".

    Those kind of head games. In the final analysis the objective of a long term romantic relationship is to be happier in it than you would be if you where by yourself. All men should ask themselves if this is the case in their current relationship. I wish you well and congrats on your current no PMO streak.
     
    Fallensoldier1 likes this.
  20. RickBrown

    RickBrown Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, look into transendentalism, its all about bettering your connection to your mind and your body. It helped one of my friends who was suicidal and now he is validictorian and a pro athlete. Go for walks in the park, pick up a hobby, maybe even treat yourself to a vacation. Remember, its not life that keeps you down, its yourself. Stay strong, sincelely, ILiedAboutMyNameOnThisSite
     
    Fallensoldier1 likes this.

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