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Any 25+ Male virgins in here?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by csparbs91, Oct 28, 2019.

  1. csparbs91

    csparbs91 Fapstronaut

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    Just curious... I often wonder if I’m an enigma or if there are actually people in the world like me. I’m at a place in my life where loneliness is all I know. I have sworn off sex because I’ve convinced myself to wait for “the one”. In reality, ever time I try sex, I have no sexual desire and my self esteem gets in the way of partaking. Lol I’m perfectly happy to pleasure someone else to take the attention off me being touched and not feeling anything.
    I always thought that someone who is as old as me and a virgin is one of the biggest failures. I think that’s society pressures. Yet I’ve always covered it up with the idea that I’m just “saving myself”... idk I guess I just want to hear from some similar souls.....
     
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  2. letter

    letter Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    33. Virgin. Happy.

    You are more than your sexual status. Finding the right person can save you from a lot of heartaches. Even when I was deep in PMO I was happier than many of the married people I knew. Being with the wrong person can be hell.
     
  3. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    The sense of desperation that many men feel from not getting laid is what sooner or later lands them in far more trouble than if they had chosen to improve themselves first and foremost. That's why so many men these days have ended up in hell (literally & figuratively speaking), settling with a demanding, mean and superficial low-value woman who's making their life a living hell.
    All because they were too desperate, comfortable and afraid of talking to any decently attractive and sweet woman they came across. They simply thought they didn't deserve better and hence settled for far less than their potential, a decision they will have to live with for decades.
    Changing that negative self-image is one of those keys that will change a man's life dramatically but if not done will land him in a life of utter mediocrity.
     
  4. Like the others have said, whether or not a person has had sex does not define them. I personally don’t make a big deal out of being a 30 something virgin and it’s not like it’s stamped on our foreheads or we introduce ourselves as virgins. Though it would be interesting to see the reaction you would get if one did say “Nice to meet you. I’m a virgin, just so you know.” Lol . Honestly I doubt most people would even realize that about me because I define myself in other ways. Would I enjoy the company of a nice woman? Sure, but I won’t settle either just so I can meet some kind of societal expectation. It happens when it’s meant to happen and this is one thing one shouldn’t rush into and hasn’t happened for me yet. I’m sure we all know someone who regrets having had sex with a particular person.

    Your life is what you make of it. I know plenty of lonely and unfulfilled non-virgins, so that should tell you life is more than sex. People can argue about getting out there and making it happen. You just have to do what you feel is best for yourself at this time. So don’t worry about it and just live your best life.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 2, 2019
  5. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    No but give me three more years and I'll be here for sure.
     
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  6. Fullcontact

    Fullcontact Fapstronaut

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    26 and still a virgin. I think its going to take me sometime to change that but as I get older I find myself more at peace with the fact that I am never going to be some Chad getting laid left and right. Honestly I just want to end up with a nice girl that I find attractive enough and who is into bondage and wants to bear my children. Maybe I am asking for too much but that's the plan. I know I have a lot of work to do on myself before I can get there though.
     
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  7. drac16

    drac16 Fapstronaut

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    I'm 29 and I'm a virgin. I don't think about it that often because, like you said, I am waiting for the right one. I'm not interested in casual sex, friends with benefits or prostitution. I believe that one should save himself/herself for marriage.
     
  8. Fullcontact

    Fullcontact Fapstronaut

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    You have a point.

    I would like to wait for "the one" but I'll never find her if I don't put myself out there. But for now I need to work on more fundamental things first like getting in shape and getting steady work. And before that I also have some health issues to work through before I can even get in shape which has been frustrating since they're mostly self inflicted which makes them extra depressing. So I have a lot of baby steps to take before I can put myself out there but that should still be the goal.

    Its fine to wait for "the one" but as a man you should have at least a general road map for finding her whether that's meeting girls through work or school or through friends and activities and stuff like that.
     
  9. csparbs91

    csparbs91 Fapstronaut

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    I agree 100% with your train of thought on this comment. It’s like the words I couldn’t articulate. Thanks for sharing.

    that’s a great point. I really need to focus on the tiny things first. In a sense, I just feel like I’ve been working on these baby steps for the biggest portion of my adult life. Somewhere I grabbed on to the line “you can’t love someone else until you love yourself first” and I still agree with it, I just can’t seem to figure out how to love myself. I think that’s where the fapping comes in. I’m hoping if I drop that as a cop out to actually dating and finding someone, I’ll learn that people actually like me. Idk.

    thanks for sharing though.
     
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  10. TimetoGrowUp

    TimetoGrowUp Fapstronaut

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  11. keepitinmybriefs

    keepitinmybriefs Fapstronaut

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    There is no shame in being a virgin! Maybe sex will happen for you eventually, maybe it won't. But you're so much more than whether or not you've bumped genitalia with another person. You have value!
     
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  12. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

    Are you really a virgin because you want to, or because you have lack of options? How many dates have you been on? How many relationships have you had? Do women respond to you well? Virginity is not the issue here, it's the lack of ability to communicate with the opposite sex.
     
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  13. Hey Fullcontact, you have a point too. I can relate to the extra-excruciating baggage of self inflicted issues, and I think you're right about the need for at the least some guidelines to help lead you to the right woman for you. I'm trying to work on small things first as well, I heard this rapper Capital Steez say once that you're never too old to take baby steps, that line rolls through my head like 20 times a day, good luck with yours man.
     
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  14. Fullcontact

    Fullcontact Fapstronaut

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    God speed man.
     
  15. have you thought about hiring an escort?
     
  16. keepitinmybriefs

    keepitinmybriefs Fapstronaut

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    I would definitely be careful about that. In a lot of countries, sex work is illegal, so there is the possibility of legal trouble. Also, because sex work is illegal, there is no regulation of the industry, and little to nothing done to guarantee the safety of sex workers. I'm not saying hiring a prostitute is wrong, I'm saying in our particular social climate you've got to be aware of the risks and ramifications.
     
    csparbs91 likes this.
  17. stop making excuses bro. use protection and if you feel uncomfortable then end it. But i think you should at least experience or try it, and if you still feel uncomfortable give them the money and leave. You don't even have to have sex with them you could just talk.
     
  18. csparbs91

    csparbs91 Fapstronaut

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    My options are limitless. Not to sound arrogant, but it’s not hard to get laid. I’ve had countless opportunities, I just can’t perform when I need to. You’re right in saying virginity isn’t an issue. I wish communication wasn’t the issue for me, but unfortunately it’s the mechanics downstairs that don’t operate. All cuz I’ve had porn available to me since puberty.
     
  19. csparbs91

    csparbs91 Fapstronaut

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    I mean no offense, but I really don’t want to hire someone to do something I could get for free. I also require a pretty strong relationship with someone before I get to that point. I’ve never been one to get going on the first date. I also can’t bring myself to financially support an escort who makes their money off of men who feel like they have no other options.
     
  20. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    True statement!
    If you've had sex or not doesn't define you as a person at all unless you have put that label and definition on yourself. Just like if you haven't been skydiving or climbed up +5000m mountain top, not having been sexually active doesn't define you and as long as you're a cool confident,, positive and down to earth guy, you won't have any shortage of people who want to be around you and get to know you better. As I said in my reply above: "Focusing on self-improvement first and foremost is the best action you can possibly take if you're in that particular situation" by I forgot to also add that focusing on your hobbies/interests belongs to that and also to find new ones that are related to your current ones but that require you stepping out of the comfort-zone first.
    Because, by also pursuing the latter with a sense of both curiosity and a slight feeling of fear/uneasiness will not only help you grow as a person (since it will expand your comfort-zone), it will also open doors to new friends/buddies, business connections, expand your overall network overall and entirely new opportunities you never thought possible.

    One such example that I can draw from my own life is the fact that I really like animals, nature and being outside in nature (despite crappy weather) during all times of the year since I am outside running a lot. I had also an interest for rifles, hand-guns, and how these work (the mechanic/technical aspect of them) so I was thinking about earning a hunter's license since a few years but never started it since I never found "the right opportunity or time-gap" to do so and never really saw myself as that hunting guy due to my physique and previous history of barely having handled any firearms (I am quite slim and athletic while most hunters in the Nordic countries seem to have a more sturdy physique and a keg, hehe).
    But last summer, I finally took the decision to pursue a license since I realized my grandfather might not be alive for that many more years (he's a hunter himself) and at least being able to accompany him on a moose-hunt before he passes away would feel great.

    So, last weekend and 1100 € later, I finally earned it and had a great time during the course/exams where I got to know some new awesome and dedicated people with a hunting-interest as well. Just going outside that little comfort-zone for once gave me a hundred-fold back in so many ways so that little price-tag for the course and its exams were quite cheap in comparison. Plus, I have learned a lot more about nature, our fauna and how to handle firearms as well. Those are great skills to know and despite feeling a little uncomfortable going out for a hunt or two in the next year (due to my current beginner/rookie status), it will feel great afterwards having made that step out of the next part of my comfort-zone.
     
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