Soon to be 40 year old virgin, failed as a man, what am I??

God is with you Man !!!
just start , and follow all as given in my status .

I bet in 6 months , your life will change and you will start noticing from 6 days only

 

Well he deleted the account but I'll still add my .02 cents. I just spoke with my buddy who started in a 'relationshit', about how looking back it felt like being a leper not having had sex when I was 23. And I ended up paying for it as well. In retrospect it would be awesome to be a virgin bc there's actually no shame at all compared to failed relationships. You could have the most integrity, and if a relationship fails you somehow blame yourself.

A loser isn't someone who fails, its someone who doesn't try. So from that standpoint I'm a serial winner.

 

Think however you like. To me, having kids is not equal to a win. You'll die miserable, poor, sick and your kids will be poor and maybe marginals. Having kids should be a right reserved for those who can properly raise them.

I am stating my opinion here. There's no need to rebate if you disagree.

Having kids you can't afford perpetuates the cycle of misery in this world, everybody is unhappy, even the beings you bring to the world.

You mention this "biological standpoint", I wonder what relevance such has in real life in face of the facts stated.

I can see why you think having kids is something desirable, but you should consider "how" you are bringing children to this world. Having a crippled kid who will fail in life, just as much as you will be unhappy, and give up your dreams in order to bring someone who didn't want to be here in the first place, and you'll throw in your partner's face if you have one, how much you gave up in order to realize this "victory" is not a good thing, it's not a win.

I would also argue that the "biological victory" would be raising successful kids who also will be on the top themselves. Offspring of an alpha male, I would say. Not having kids in whatever manner just because one is supposed to.

 

I'm 39, married, kids, visited many prostitutes in my life and oh yes I have PIED. Don't get too pressured with the whole virgin thing.

The most easy method to get a good girlfriend is to be rich, but if you are not rich or gifted with extraordinary powers you will have to
work on yourself. Be honest to yourself and note down all your flaws and all your good attributes.
Then you need to pick a few attributes your are going to work on to make yourself a more suitable mating partner.

I don't know how good looking you are and some people really have been dealt a bad genetic card, but I believe
most men can do a lot by the following personal tips:

1. don't be fat, never be fat.
> eat clean, work out 5 days a week, sleep 8 hours a day. Do intermittent fasting if its too difficult
2. don't have bad teeth
> take good care of your teeth and get it fixed if its a mess
3. get a full-time job
> women don't like unemployed men, so go out and find a job
4. get well dressed and groomed
> throw away all your old shitty cheap ass clothing and go for slimline classic look, but do this after you lost your fat.
5. don't wear glasses, unless you look great with them
> wear lenses or get your eyes lazered
6. Get a good hobby
> find a interesting adult hobby you can be very passionate about instead of being a boring nerd.
hobbies like: Iron man(not marvel dog shit), sculpturing, traveling, salsa dancing, etc.
7. be social person
> If you find it difficult to talk casual with attractive women, then practice being social with everybody.
Do volunteering projects in your local area or get busy with people you met with your new hobby.
8. Read news papers and books
> be aware of the world and the situation around you. This makes you able to talk about almost every actual subject
9. surround yourself with good people
> it's better to have zero friends than to hang around loser buddies that will only drag you down, because misery always loves company.
10. Stop watching porn and stop masturbation
> this is an obvious step considering this forum, but its an important one.
11. Be a positive person
> Women don't like men who complain a lot, so be the sunlight in their life and cherish every living moment of life.
12. Stop looking to a screen all day
> Try to withold yourself from a screen(pc,phone,tv) as much as possible. This means less/no Facebook, whatsapp, instagram, nofap (forum), gaming, netflix, etc.
13. Travel alot
> Don't be afraid or ashamed to travel solo. Go see the world it will only enrich you
14. Seek real female help
> find a friend-zoned women and ask her for tips into making you a more suitable mating partner.

Please note that I don't want to offend anybody with these somewhat harsh points.
Just read it and find what you can use. We can't all be James Bond perfect guys, but at least you can thrive to be a better version of you
compared to yesterday. Of course women themselves are also suffering from a shitload of flaws, but you can only fix your own flaws, so fix it.

You can always DM me for personal help if needed.
Cheers.

 

Well I would NOT state that real loving sex is overrated, because having sex with someone you love
is one of the best things in a loving relationship.
At this special moment two people really connect with each other and create an paramount bound.
Unfortunately for us PIED guys, this often is not the case and therefore we have to fix ourselves before
we are going to experience this again or even for the first time.

But yes, the fake porn style sex acts are far from reality, although they serve a different role.
I can grab my coat and buy sex within 30 minutes, but I do not crave sex, I crave love and more importantly
I want to give my love to a deserving woman. However, my animal urges need to be kept in check and
therefore I'm here with you lads

 

I agree with this statement. And this is coming from a guy who got married as a a virgin at the age of 31.

There are many benefits in waiting for your wife and being each other's first, but I do indeed believe that we overrate sex a lot, especially with all the misconception that we get from media, pornography and all the crazy stupid stuff we watch that makes us feel so excited. We put sometimes a lot or ALL of our expectations in our partner or the act of sex, but once it happens we realize that it is not all that which we had imagined, at least at first(my case).

Yes, indeed SEX is an amazing thing between two people, especially between a husband and a wife that love each other and I live that pretty much every day or every other day (lol) but one should not think that once they marry all their crazy passions, desires, fantasies and crazy desires is all just going to go away because they won't.

What we need to do is constantly discipline ourselves to avoid going back to our old behaviours and desires because sex does indeed help with those things but it does not take them away completely. Sex is Great but it's not a magical pill.

I feel that doing life in two is filled with more great moments and pleasures than just sex and sex simply complements that.
I am indeed working on ways to spice up our marriage but I know that for a fact I use to think that SEX would be this out of this world experience and that I would just go crazy when I saw my woman and had her for myself, while part of that is indeed true and trust me when I say that there is nothing better than getting married to an amazing woman and having her for yourself, but that's just one small tiny percentage of the equation. And there are many variables that still need to be taken into account.

Stopping PMO was INDEED the best decision ever that changed my sex life and that indeed makes all the difference.

I've PMO maybe 4 times over the past 9 months and I knwo soon I'll be going years without it and I've learned not to beat myself up if PMO for some stupid reason. We just shouldn't duel in our mistakes and always work hard to do better for ourselves and our partners. God bless!

 

There is no excuse for any man to not read "As a man thinketh" since it is filled with great messages about the universal mind (or God) and how your thoughts and thinking affect your life more than anything else.
Also, it won't take a very long time to read through it as well and it shouldn't be done just once but preferably several times so the messages get ingrained to your subconscious mind which will have a huge impact on your self-image and how you approach life. Especially how you approach life when it become hard or challenging.

 

I concur, short, easy read, a great one.

 

I haven't Ben with a woman in 8 years I've Ben on two dates my whole life and never had a girlfriend. reading through this thread actually makes me less depressed. and gives me even another reason to not be so reserved and as introverted with women.

 

You have my vote for best profile picture.

 

3 it's really not that big of a deal. It's just sex. You need to focus on improving yourself. You're not alone. I'm 25 still a virgin.

 

Since I'm a virgin j just thought I'd add my 2 cents as well.

I turned 28 a couple of weeks ago. For the past ten years I used to lie to my friends about not being a virgin because I felt that I'd been seen as a whimp for being one. All my friends lost there virginity during high school time. I was am still a shy individual. And I always wondered if that played a part in me not losing my virginity. Talking to woman has always been my biggest fear but once I had a couple of drinks I can still attract any woman around me. It's a like a dark me is released once I start drinking. Not afraid of anything or challenge that's presented to me.

So whenever we used to hang out as friends and socialise there would always be stories shared about the girls they would bang. I never had a single story to tell them. I would feel empty listening to their stories and wondered when my story would be told, if ever. Even when I lied about not being a virgin I'd have to conjure up some imaginary girl that they don't know. "I was drunk, I can't remember her name" would be my go to excuse. I think secretely my friends knew they just didn't want to confront me to not make me feel more about myself.

Over the past 3 years I've lost contact with most of my friends... except two who I feel will always be my friends. Most of my friends who I'd lost contact with are either married or has kids. My two close friends, one is married with two kids and the other is in another country living with his long time girlfriend. So I basically don't have much interaction with them anymore.

Who else do I need to lie to about not being a virgin to make myslef "fit in" plays on my mind a lot when ever I meet new people.

Am I a man when I am still a virgin? If I think about the character and person I have become I would say I'm more than a man than most guys, except the part of being a virgin. Somehow I just feel like the virgin tag subconsciously makes me feel less of a man.

Being on this nofap journey( 100 days record streak) currently two weeks cleans from pmo. It made me reflect a lot on why being a virgin is such a big deal. All I want is to be a man of virtue and good character. And if being a virgin is going to lead me to the man I want to become then I will happily accept my fate.

I think pmo as a virgin makes it even harder to accept where and what you are in life. With all the shame and negative effects you feel from pmo how can you progress as a man. Being on this streak has made realise that I am the one suffering by lying about my virginity. No more do I need to lie to myself first of all. If people judge my manliness on still being a virgin then they really don't know or understand the definition of what a real man is. And for me to accept myself as a man I need to accept that it's ok to be a virgin.

I want to encourage all virgins like me to just accept it. We can still do all the things that no virgins can do. I read somewhere that the strongest and fastest race horses are virgins. Imagine what strength and character we as virgins can gain if we eliminate pmo for good while remaining virgins.

Don't get me wrong, I do hope to experience the beauty of sexual intercourse. But I don't want it to define who I am anymore.

 

"Please help me" the only person who can help you is yourself. You really need to stop this self pity all it really makes you is a coward

 

True, the only person who can help him is himself. But we fellow Fapstronauts can help each other with guidance and care for each other in the battles we face in life. This life ain't easy. And having to feel ashamed of yourself because of the labelling that society puts on everything can make your thought patterns negative and have an impact on how we face our battles. Let's help each other with support and advice. It doesn't make you a coward asking for help. It makes you man enough to know that you have a problem and want to change. If a beggar says there hungry can you please help me. Wouldn't it be be better to show him how he can provide food for himself than to give him a meal that will only feed him for a couple of hours.

 

Have no fear... Carrotman is here!!

Man, you know what, sometimes I wished that I was still a virgin. I lost my virginity to a prostitute at age 18 all because one of my family member said that's how you unlock the ability to attract girls (note: I was young and naive). So I'm jealous that you are still a virgin and it's okay. Most people will always say stuff about someone and never truly understand them.

So you're not a joke trust me. I'm 31 yrs old and I'm not married, I'm still living at Mom's house, I have no gf, my socializing with women is meh, I'm socially awkward, and I'm still in school. But you know what? I'm just trying to build my life slowly but surely. And I know how you feel, everyone else is already is getting together and making their own families while you're left in the dust. It's okay! That means more time for you and to build yourself.

Remember you got this, man! Don't ever let a label be center of your life.

 

Oh one more thing...

Losing your virginity won't make you into a super awesome chick magnet person.

It's all about you and how you handle yourself!

 

I lost my virginity to a prostitute a long while back, I haven't had full penetration sex ever since. hell, even the sex with the prostitute wasn't successful. I didn't climax, I couldn't get into it properly. so as it stands I have never had a full sexual experience with anyone and I am around the same age as op. I am most likely going to remain sexless for the rest of my life.