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Hi 32 year old guy, been struggling for years

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Chillstepthrowaway, Nov 4, 2019.

  1. Chillstepthrowaway

    Chillstepthrowaway New Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone.

    Am a 32 year old guy. Been using porn since I was 11.

    I've been trying to quit for a long time but it's incredibly hard. The impact my addiction has had on my life is enormous. Constant ED issues in my 20s. Constant brain fog. Lack of confidence. I went on a vacation where I didn't really have a chance to fap and was clean for 5 days. After 5 days of abstinence, my mental wellness was off the charts - it was like I was a totally different, highly extroverted person. Then when I was alone again I binged and was back to the same.

    Besides that, I have fapped to utterly disgusting things. That knowledge hurts your sense of self. How can I be a good person and get off to nasty porn at the same time?

    I keep wanting to quit and have tried to go it alone. I set up blockers, used habit trackers. After 1-7 days I always relapse.

    My wonderful partner is aware of my issues and is very understanding. But I'm sick of disappointing her when I'm incapable of giving a physical expression of my love.

    I hope that joining a community will help me. Perhaps a community is what I've been missing all this time.

    Thank you for reading my story.
     
  2. Hello and welcome! :)

    We are glad to have you as a part of our community. Here are some quick links to get you started.

    Getting Started Guide | How to Use the NoFap Forums | Panic Button | Day Counter | Rebooting Resources | Forum Rules | Glossary

    If you wish to keep a journal of your progress you can do so in the appropriate section found here

    You can also take part in one of the many challenges available. It can be a tremendous help. Challenges

    Also, there are groups you can also join if you wish to do so. You can browse through them here. Groups

    There are plenty of wonderful, friendly and knowledgeable people here to help you along on your journey to a life free of PMO. I wish you nothing but the best!
     
    Chillstepthrowaway likes this.
  3. tbird

    tbird Fapstronaut

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    Give it your all and don't back down.
     
  4. keepitinmybriefs

    keepitinmybriefs Fapstronaut

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    Welcome, and good luck on your nofap journey!
     
    Chillstepthrowaway likes this.
  5. Hey Chillstepthrowaway, first of all: welcome! If you don't mind, I have some tips.

    First of all, expect relapses. But as long as the time between relapses becomes longer, you are making progress. Secondly, willpower alone is usually not enough. You need to make real changes to your life. Look at the conditions, what triggered you? These are the things to change. But then, no more p, now what? Fill the gap with something else! Maybe you can start with a new hobby. Join a club. Walk the dog. Read a book. Paint the house. Just keep yourself busy. And the last tip, an accountability partner is a very powerfull way to combat this addiction.

    Tons more tips all over this forum. Good luck, this can be done!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 4, 2019
  6. keepitinmybriefs

    keepitinmybriefs Fapstronaut

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    I would also recommend an accountability partner.
     
    Chillstepthrowaway likes this.
  7. KellticJK

    KellticJK Fapstronaut

    Welcome Chillstepthrowaway!

    Congrats on the first step.
    I'm not gonna sugar coat it, the road can be hard and in this day and age, bloody temptation is rife. However, the benefits out way tenfold. As the guys & girls above have said, you need to change your habits / your day to day if you will. One thing i have found immensely helpful during this journey is reading, and the elastic band around the wrist. The elastic band, I only used for about 2, maybe 3 weeks... anytime I saw something that tempted that monster in my head to look at something within the sphere that could get me off, I would snap it, one day I snapped it so much I had a very clear red mark forming. Below I'll list a few books that got my will power up a notch or 3, this might be a tad to close to reality, but what is your profession? I know it's an odd question, but some professions have it harder than others (I work in IT, my system is online 24/7 - I have no blockers or utm's / firewalls - due to the nature of my job)

    Leaders Eat Last - Simon Sinek
    https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0670923176/

    Think, Fast & slow - Daniel Kahneman
    https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0141033576/

    Extreme Ownership - Jocko Willink
    https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1250067057/

    Start with Why - Simon Sinek
    https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0241958229/

    The Power of Habit - Charles Duhigg
    https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1847946240/

    The Brain: The story of you - David Eagleman
    https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1782116613/

    Check out the iOS app Manhood: - Great if your away from a good connection and want to write something, and track your progress when away from the site
    https://apps.apple.com/us/app/manhood/id1452003535

    You will have your good days and your near bad days, it helps a lot to write a journal on here.

    Anyway, Best of luck!
    Always remember there's always someone online on this site, and we are all on the same battle as you. Your not alone!
     
    Chillstepthrowaway likes this.
  8. Chillstepthrowaway

    Chillstepthrowaway New Fapstronaut

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    Thank you all for the kind words.

    PaulPaul, thank you very much for the tips. Yes I believe that keeping myself busy and occupied is the way!

    KellticJK the elastic band is a great idea. I'm a scientist, my issue is when I'm home alone I tend to partake in destructive behaviors. Lately I've been trying hard to keep myself busy. Thank you for the books, I'll be sure to check them out. I've seen some of Simon Sinek's talks already, he's very inspiring.
     
  9. KirlyWirly

    KirlyWirly Fapstronaut

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    NOW THATS A MACHO MAAAANNNNNNN

    It takes a strong man to refuse addiction, it takes an even stronger man to pull himself out from under the weight of it. Your story resonates with me, as a part of your journey isn’t simply to improve yourself & quality of life, but to improve intimacy with your parter & provide them with the mental & physical love you’ve longed to express in full. While I’m not as well versed in Nofap-Fu as the studly individuals above me - I will drop a tad bit of advice that has helped me along the way. The moment an urge comes, state to yourself a “panic word” to reel yourself back into the proper mental & physical state. Whenever I feel the urges to tame the tyrannosaur, simply saying “pineapple” defuses the bomb. It’s a term coined by my partner & I that we say when either of us feels that what we’re bickering about isn't important, and to me the word runs parallel to calming the tempest within & taking the opportunity to look inward. It has always helped me in times of turmoil, & perhaps you too can find/have found a safe word to aid you on your journey.

    Godspeed, young fapstronaut~

    [​IMG]
     
    Chillstepthrowaway likes this.

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