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Dealing with flaky girls

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by FormerFapaholic, Nov 4, 2019.

  1. FormerFapaholic

    FormerFapaholic Fapstronaut

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    RECENTLY, I've been seeing a girl who I met at a gym and fitness classes. We spoke to each other and got on well. Exchanged numbers and met up a couple of times. Yesterday, she flaked on me not once but TWICE on the same day.

    I kept my cool with her, but ultimately lost (some) respect for her. She was apologetic with lengthy messages for bailing out on me and I pretended - and tried to convince myself - everything was OK with her.

    In the end, I've decided to delete her number, chat log and leave it to her to get back to me. Why make the effort? I've got too much self-respect for this BS and I deserve better. So I decided to let her go, along with the grief and negative emotions it's caused. I'm concentrating on living and improving my life. Women don't matter.

    If you were in my shoes, what would you have done?
     
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2019
    Inactive User likes this.
  2. I'd do exactly what you did, but I would let her know that the ball is in her court. Further, I'd let her know she already used two of her three chances, and if one more event occurs you're done with her. I might also let her know that due to her behavior, the planning/coordination/payment for any future meeting would be on her.

    All this of course depends on much you want her to prove herself, but if she must invest in YOU you'll find out soon if she's for real.

    Other than that, stay the course.
     
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  3. FormerFapaholic

    FormerFapaholic Fapstronaut

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    I’m not sure on how to word it without sounding butthurt (ie like a loser), but at the same time, I need to set boundaries.

    Here's a draft

    Hi [name],

    I feel that I need to tell you how I felt about yesterday. I was looking forward to seeing and spending some quality time with you. I am disappointed on how things planned out. But hey, things get in the way. Shit happens and sometimes it cannot be helped. Thanks for letting me know beforehand and apologising albeit at the last minute again. If you'd like to meet up with me. Let me know a time and place if you fancy doing that, and I'll check whether or not I'm available. If you don't, then that's fine by me.

    Thanks
     
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2019
  4. FormerFapaholic

    FormerFapaholic Fapstronaut

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    Right, I've said my bit. It's a lot more clearer now that she wants to be friends and not have a relationship with me after raising this with her. So, she enjoyed the attention akin to dangling a carrot. I've not dignified it with a reply (and why should I?). So in the end, I've deleted messages and deleted her number. Out of sight. Out of mind. Move on, live and continue working and improving my life. Go our separate ways. Ultimately, it's her loss and she doesn't deserve me.
     
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2019
    Re411 likes this.
  5. MOVE ON
     
    Re411 likes this.
  6. apimpnamedslickback

    apimpnamedslickback Fapstronaut

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  7. 1. Move on

    or

    2. FOrget that draft

    "I feel that I need to tell you how I felt about yesterday. I was looking forward to seeing and spending some quality time with you. I am disappointed on how things planned out. But hey, things get in the way. Shit happens and sometimes it cannot be helped. Thanks for letting me know beforehand and apologising albeit at the last minute again. If you'd like to meet up with me. Let me know a time and place if you fancy doing that, and I'll check whether or not I'm available. If you don't, then that's fine by me."

    WAYYY too complex/simp-like: Here's a simple re-write.

    "It bothered me you did not show up. If you'd like to hang out, that's possible, but that ball's in your court. Let me know, and I'll see what I can do. No promises."
     
  8. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    She's no doubt got her own reasons, and we rarely get a proper/truthful explanation. Plenty of women who aren't flakes, there's no reason to put up with it (more than once). Move on!
     
    Re411 likes this.
  9. FormerFapaholic

    FormerFapaholic Fapstronaut

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    I think next time I get in this situation is to not bother messaging or calling and move on.
     
    Get_It likes this.
  10. Get_It

    Get_It Fapstronaut

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    Yup, it really is best to take that first hint and move on. If she really did make a mistake she would let you know shortly after. Don't text back, don't email back, don't call, don't even say bye, just move on.
     
    FormerFapaholic likes this.
  11. Precisely. Imagine you wished to buy a car, and you failed to meet the seller at the correct time. You'd instantly reschedule, and probably offer to pay a little more, to make certain you bought THAT car.

    Women may not always make sense, but one thing's certain: If a woman DOES want to meet you, she'll move heaven and earth to make it happen.
     
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  12. FormerFapaholic

    FormerFapaholic Fapstronaut

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    Hindsight is a wonderful thing. But you live and learn. I’m no worse off without her in the grand scheme of things.
     
    Get_It likes this.
  13. FormerFapaholic

    FormerFapaholic Fapstronaut

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    I've learnt a lot. Sometimes it pays to go with your instincts. If in doubt, see a flag, get flaked on a regular basis (like I have done). People (not just women) just aren't worth the time or energy. Don't ever make them a priority. Cut contact and move on.
     
  14. FormerFapaholic

    FormerFapaholic Fapstronaut

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    This songs never fails to cheer me up when shit like this happens.

     
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  15. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    Flaky girls. Flaky.
    That reminds me of the Flak Cannon from Warframe. The way it charged and shot breeze of hot sharp metal that shredded the bastard in front of you was so cool.

    I think you did well, is she is not showing interest then, why should you?
     
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  16. no matter my response to a flaky girl it has never changed the outcome. the other users are right, if she wanted something she would do something, not just use words.
     
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  17. primaljade

    primaljade Fapstronaut

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    It's a PIA but don't burn the bridge too hard otherwise these girls will think "Seesh... this guy's freaking out, good thing I didn't go out with him!" Which just makes shit worse for all of us. Take it easy, cross her off the list, and move on.

    She'll only reconsider her actions when she sees you hanging out with a hotter girl.
     
    FormerFapaholic likes this.
  18. lol, no one says he should burn her to the ground like a witch. Just separate, and if she attempts to hang out let her know that he's not interested in her as friends. Stoic rejection, but not Joker's invasion of his fake g/fs apartment.
     
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  19. If they bail and don't reply, they would lose ALL respect from me and I wouldn't put in any more effort and I would move on.
     
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  20. Good point. Too often we hold women to FAR lower standards than men. Women ARE people, and we should hold them to basic standards of decency. If we forgive, even partially, an unexplained failure to attend a meeting we deserve what we receive. Only a bad person stands a man, or woman, up without apology/rectification.

    Again, reverse the situation. We ALL know what women do to men who stand them up, they light the world on fire. Sure they may forgive a Chad, who uses the standup as a neg, but that's just games. In reality, women hold men to adult standards. If you fail to hold women to the basic standards of a functioning adult (or child, to be frank, even children know it's rude to nocall/noshow), you dig your own grave.
     
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