Met Escort I wasn't attracted to and still went through

My personal opinion is that you need to address your own internal issues before you try dating, meeting girls, etc etc.
The worry is that you’ve become used to escorts and may be tempted to, or expect, a normal relationship to follow the same pathway.
I wish you all the best in your serious reboot, when you’re ready. If the therapist gives ou great advice, please share with the community.

 

who communicate with a escort man?? i mean you are paying for having sex or for talking with her? my first time with a escort and i didnt even talk with her and i didnt like her either, and i didnt orgasm with her, i didnt even like the sex , maybe you were too anxious, did you ever enjoy sex with a escort?

 

To me, seeing escorts is an extension of PMO addiction. It's all tied in to the need for constant novelty. It's another way of seeking P so that you can reach O. For me, I realise I started to see escorts for a number of reasons.

1. Novelty factor - classic escalation.
2. Wanted to "try" some of the stuff I was seeing in P, and knew my gf wouldn't be into it.
3. I convinced myself it was "better" and "healthier" than PMO.
4. Just like PMO, it was a way to avoid my problems because it meant I had to find an escort, make contact, plan to visit them, etc.
5. I used it to celebrate small wins in my life ("I deserve this") or to soothe myself if something bad was happening ("I deserve this")

So was it worth it? No. Did I find that a lot of visits where either underwhelming or just depressing? Yes. However, was it all bad? No. There were a few experiences which were quite positive. I think one of the things we all need to do is acknowledge that not everything was horrible if it wasn't. Lying to ourselves is what we're doing already. Making up different lies doesn't solve the problem. We need to learn to be nuanced in our thinking. For me, I came to the realisation that while some of my experiences were fun, emotionally and spiritually I was not happy with my behaviour. Part of moving past addiction, in my view, is acknowledging that nothing is 100% right or 100% wrong. The trick to life is balance and not falling into the trap of saying that I "must" do something or I "must" stop doing something. If something is bad for you, stop doing it, but be honest with yourself. You did it because you were seeking something at some level and you were probably getting that something, even if it brought bad consequences. If you can be honest about what you wanted and what is was giving you, you can start redirecting that in a good way.
I'll give you an example. I used to like the banter I had with escorts. I know they were being paid to have banter, but I had the naive notion that I would be the guy that would genuinely "win them over". Meanwhile, my relationship with my gf at the time had dried up and we were not even having sex. How fucked up is that? So now, with my new gf, I go out of my way to compliment her, to tell her how hot she is, etc. It fills my need in a healthy way, and I get double back. My gf always tells me how hot it is that I think about her and that I express how I feel about her. That's a healthy relationship. And I find that we keep the relationship fresh by doing different things. We try different positions, different times of the day, etc. For example, I went to her work one day at lunchtime and we had fun in the car in a quiet spot. That blew her mind and it blew my mind too. Am I now cured? No... I am still tempted to PMO occasionally, I still sometimes think it would be hot to see an escort to fulfil a fetish, but now I can wrestle with those thoughts and they don't become all consuming.