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How to stop the desire for revenge

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Lovegirl, Oct 28, 2019.

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  1. Nov 4, 2019 #21
    Lovegirl

    Lovegirl Fapstronaut

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    No that is not what I am trying to say. Probably a weird translation I made. Sorry
     
    Lovegirl, Nov 4, 2019
    Lovegirl, Nov 4, 2019
    #21
    Asgardian36 likes this.
  2. Nov 4, 2019 #22
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    Keep negative out of your brain darling. Maybe yell at him or something, but all this revenge stuff is not right.
     
    Deleted Account, Nov 4, 2019
    Deleted Account, Nov 4, 2019
    #22
    Lovegirl likes this.
  3. Nov 4, 2019 #23
    Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    They are all alike... they have sold a piece of their soul, it doesn’t matter if it’s the highest priced call girl, they have dead eyes. I don’t know how to explained it to you, but just by doing what they do, it makes them less human. Their beauty is a facade , and at the end they just hold out their hand for money. It’s one of the most shameful things and it’s why so many turn to drugs, to numb themselves. You are far more beautiful than anyone he has ever been with, this I know!
     
    Psalm27:1my light, Nov 4, 2019
    Psalm27:1my light, Nov 4, 2019
    #23
    Lovegirl likes this.
  4. Nov 5, 2019 #24
    suchafool10

    suchafool10 Fapstronaut

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    Oh I have, and it’s me. I do not need any man to complete me. I have six children to care for and a God who loves me enough to call me His child. I am the bride of Christ. No man can replace that or take it from me. It’s about to be a wild ride when my husband arrives home next week to locked doors and his things on the porch, but it’s way past time. I refuse to be treated this way for one more day.
     
    suchafool10, Nov 5, 2019
    suchafool10, Nov 5, 2019
    #24
    RUNDMC and Asgardian36 like this.
  5. Nov 5, 2019 #25
    suchafool10

    suchafool10 Fapstronaut

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    And the eyes are indeed the windows to the soul...think on that for a moment.
     
    suchafool10, Nov 5, 2019
    suchafool10, Nov 5, 2019
    #25
    Psalm27:1my light and Lovegirl like this.
  6. Nov 5, 2019 #26
    Asgardian36

    Asgardian36 Fapstronaut

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    its alright English isn't my first language either!
     
    Asgardian36, Nov 5, 2019
    Asgardian36, Nov 5, 2019
    #26
    Lovegirl likes this.
  7. Nov 5, 2019 #27
    Asgardian36

    Asgardian36 Fapstronaut

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    I love your strength and resolve. Keep it going!
     
    Asgardian36, Nov 5, 2019
    Asgardian36, Nov 5, 2019
    #27
    suchafool10 likes this.
  8. Nov 6, 2019 #28
    Lovegirl

    Lovegirl Fapstronaut

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    You are so right. I know. I just have all those bad feelings inside...
    Love your avatar :)
     
    Lovegirl, Nov 6, 2019
    Lovegirl, Nov 6, 2019
    #28
  9. Nov 6, 2019 #29
    Lovegirl

    Lovegirl Fapstronaut

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    You are right. I get it.
     
    Lovegirl, Nov 6, 2019
    Lovegirl, Nov 6, 2019
    #29
  10. Nov 6, 2019 #30
    Lovegirl

    Lovegirl Fapstronaut

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    Is there any sane reason to stay with a person that have treated me the way he has? I know I will be ok by my self (I might feel like shit, but I will be ok..). I know that I am gonna loose even more of my self respect by staying, but that it will grow if I leave. I just don´t want to leave. I don´t want to be alone, share time with kids, have poor finances, be alone every night, go out alone, have to deal with any problems by my self, just don´t want to be by my self.
    Do I love him? I honestly don´t know. Because of our conflictual relationship, I have experienced these lack of loving feelings many times through the years. But I have allways been aware that it would take not more than a few hours with him being sweet and loving and caring, for my love to grow.
    This just don´t happen, now that I know what he has done. I just feel empty. I don´t know if he could do anything to change that.

    Anyway. Today I am much better than I have been for weeks. Yesterday, I cried to him, told him: "I gave you everything, tried to be all that you wanted, why wasn´t that enough?" And he reply that I couldn´t have been, nothing was enough, nothing or nobody could ever be. It was such a relief to hear from him. Even though I have read it so many times, he has always said that he didn´t get enough sex, he didn´t feel my love ect. and it just helped to hear it from him.
     
    Lovegirl, Nov 6, 2019
    Lovegirl, Nov 6, 2019
    #30
  11. Nov 6, 2019 #31
    RUNDMC

    RUNDMC Fapstronaut

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    No.
     
    RUNDMC, Nov 6, 2019
    RUNDMC, Nov 6, 2019
    #31
    Lovegirl likes this.
  12. Nov 8, 2019 #32
    suchafool10

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    This is true, they are not capable of feeling these things right now. He needs real help and you can’t do it for him. Trust me, I’ve tried to help for 16 years. Pick yourself up off the floor and wipe your face. Crying isn’t going to change anything. Never let them see you cry. You see, Satan is a liar. He comes to steal, kill and destroy. He whispers “you’ll never be enough”, “you’re ugly”, “no one will ever love you” and your addict reinforces these things with his actions and even his words when he is trying to cover or excuse his addiction. These are dark forces at work and they are working hard to rip families apart. It’s time to fight back!

    Your addict needs real help. But he has to choose to get it. I began the process of separation and it’s like a light finally went on. I stopped feeling bad about and for myself and now my husband is enrolling in an intensive program specifically designed for this. This is it, the last chance before he loses everything. Addicts can’t “get better” on their own. They can’t process feelings in a normal or healthy way, just like a drug addict. And you are suffering from PTSD and betrayal trauma. You need help too. We are enrolling in Free Indeed Ministries. You have to find something too.
     
    suchafool10, Nov 8, 2019
    suchafool10, Nov 8, 2019
    #32
    Lovegirl and RUNDMC like this.
  13. Nov 15, 2019 #33
    Lovegirl

    Lovegirl Fapstronaut

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    I don´t trust me!
    I don't trust my ability to evaluate my situation and make good decisions!
    I am no longer so hateful and vengeful, at least not for now.
    I do love him, and very much - when he is not an idiot. Which he was a lot during all those years together. But the man I saw in between the conflicts was all that I wanted. Now I know that the idiot was shaped and colored by addiction, and I believe that the man I want is within my reach, if I want him. And I do want him.
    I think that I am able to just stop thinking about what he has done. To just put all that hurting thoughts and feelings behind, and focus on being with him, caring for him and enjoy him being so much better than he was before (which I see he is, at least for now...)
    But is that a healthy way to go? I don´t know how to live the pain, feel it and work through it.
    I am so afraid to loose the last bit of my self-respect. Also I am so afraid that it will happen again. I know I will probably feel it, but I will never ever, EVER find anything to prove it. He is far to clever to leave anything to find. And if I can´t prove it and he don´t come clean, I am afraid that I will not be able to leave. And I neither can´t nor won´t be with him if he continues to see prostitutes.
    It is like I would rather go than risk that he will make a fool of me again. The porn I can handle, but not the hookers...
     
    Lovegirl, Nov 15, 2019
    Lovegirl, Nov 15, 2019
    #33
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