1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

Help please?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Deleted Account, Nov 8, 2019.

  1. So I’ve been addicted to porn for my whole life. It has warped my mind and sexuality and it’s obvious.

    I started to PMO around the age of 7-8, I’m 18 now, and I’ve been a heavy user for a very long time. I don’t remember exactly when, but I do know that at a young age I was not doing PMO whenever I felt horny, I was doing it for dopamine. The way people describe it and when I read other peoples stories I see the same in me. At a young age I would watch things that went against my morals, values and even my own sexuality. I remember whenever I would fap to something extreme, it gave me a powerful rush that controlled me, and after I would feel repulsed and ashamed of what I watched. I swear to god it is crazy, looking back and some of the things I have watched don’t make any sense, they are things I would never do in real life, things that I am not.

    For example, right now I’m addicted to incest porn, not just any incest porn but porn related to my mom. The idea of my mom gets me off so easy, the rush it gives me is powerful and it’s like a drug I swear... when I climax, I'm always repulsed. I would never ever in a billion trillion years have sex with my mom, but the idea of PMO related to it gives me this sense of taboo and thrill and I don’t want to actually do it, but I want to PMO to it.

    About 3 years ago I realized there was an issue when I realized that I was looking at gay porn, that’s when I became confused and my life turned around. I struggled for a while but managed some good streaks and my brain sort of healed I guess, it didn’t take long for gay porn to become repulsive, and looking back now I have no idea how I ever watched it. I’ve tried watching it many times after because it confuses me so much, but now I can’t watch it, it’s disgusting to me. The idea of actually having sex with a man is very repulsive, and I’ve the same way I feel about my mom fetish, is the same way I used to feel about that, it gave me some form of rush, like a drug.

    I’m sad, that I thought this was the best thing ever when I first discovered it as a little child, and now it’s taken control of my life. The fact that I’ve understood this for more than 4 years now, and still have made little change towards it is disappointing. All I’ve ever known was PMO, there were times I would hook up with girls and then get bored and go home and PMO to something hardcore.

    I obviously need a long time of abstinence and avoiding PMO for my mind to heal, but I’m afraid my brain is so soaked in filth that it may be too late. This has caused me to question the core values of my own self, caused me to contemplate suicide, and has effected my relationships with friends and family my entire life.

    My question is all about flatlining. I hear that a flatline is the process where your brain rewires itself, I’ve never experienced this because my highest streak ever was only 21 days... can somebody please explain to me what a flatline is and when it will come? People talk about how they hate it but I would love to have the opportunity for my brain to destroy the pathways porn has created.

    And can anybody relate? Is it too late for me?
     
  2. Suk

    Suk Fapstronaut

    177
    185
    43
    Hi, relax brother!! I have had this problem too, I've watched horrible porn, like literally anything....just like an addict....I've never watched gay porn though...but the point is Everyone can heal, all of our brains can change and heal itself if we abstain from porn completely till we are healed atleast. Our brain has a feature called neuroplasticity which is why we have hope that our brain can change and will change only with time. Personally I'm on day 36 no PMO but I'm going to quit porn forever, if i had any idea it was destroying my life sooner I'd have quit sooner. Since you watched some really f up porn categories reboot will take time. How long you take to heal depends on how long you watched and how fucked up the category was which was pretty fucked up for us. I'm currently in a flatline and this state is more of a panic state as my libido is really low and which scared me at first but then after some research i found out it's normal and will take some time to go away but it will be worth it. Don't relapse, stick to NoFap and you will recover brother! Hope this helps!
     
  3. Yeah this helps a lot I appreciate the response.

    The gay porn confuses the fuck out of me, I don’t understand how I ever got that deep, but looking back I was PMOing 2-5 times a day for years, so escalation was def possible. After slowing down pmo drastically, I can no longer view it, it’s absolutely repulsive. I’ve never felt attracted to a man in my life once.

    But I’ve watched worse then that, I’ve seen some beastiliaty porn and even rape porn. The only thing I never got into was transgendered person or cuckold.

    Have you noticed porn induced fetishes becoming less attractive during your journey?

    Once again thank you for the reply.
     
  4. zombieslayer

    zombieslayer Fapstronaut

    226
    425
    63
    The flatline is a period where you lose libido for a while. It happens after you've given up porn for a couple days, weeks, months, etc. It's different for everyone because everyone is their own person. Some people don't get it. I don't think it's too late for you. Accept the challenge of saying NO to PMO, if you truly want to beat this and improve yourself. It's up to you.

    I can relate to your weird fetish shit. After a while of keeping away from that stuff, I realized that the weird content I was looking at added a "shocking" feeling on top of normal arousal, so it made the experience more intense. That's what I learned, that the weird incest stuff was just shocking. Nothing more.
     
  5. Suk

    Suk Fapstronaut

    177
    185
    43
    Well I've watched porn since i was a kid and figured out what masturbation was...I've seen rape porn, Gloryholes, intense hardcore porn where they hurt women, lot of etcs xD as i thought it was natural and healthy, most importantly fun, stress releasing too(i didn't realize i was an addict)...all of which i can never do or even slightly like and i felt horribly guilty after fapping to rape porn, it devastated me...but i was addicted so my brain craved for dopamine however it could find.
    Well i haven't watched porn at all in these last 36 days and i won't at all. The damage it has caused has made me hate porn like nothing else. I'm never watching porn again so i can't be sure but I definitely have no urge at all.
     
  6. Thanks for the response bro I appreciate it.

    Couple years ago when I was deep into my addiction, I slowed it down from multiple times a day to once every two weeks or so. That “shock” effect I used to feel became weaker and I started to get insane arousal to just normal videos of regular girls. Over the last 5 months I increased my pmo usage a lot, and started doing it 1-2 times a day, then eventually I escalated into this incest shit. I have noticed that as I started doing it more, I was craving a rush, I was craving a dopamine high you could say. I would be at work and I couldn’t wait to get home and watch porn to get that feeling, I was not craving the release of sexual tension... it’s crazy to think about how porn really is a drug and can warp your brain and twist your tastes like that.

    Do you feel as the shock feeling fading away?
     

  7. Lmao I could never watch glory hole cause I would laugh haha, I was a dumbass little kid! Did you start masturbating at the same age as me? Around 7-8 years old?

    The future is scary, porn is becoming more common and technology is being put in the hands of newborns. From my experience I would never wish it upon anybody, these kids are fucked...
     
  8. Suk

    Suk Fapstronaut

    177
    185
    43
    No i started around 12-13. Unfortunately most of the sites online still support masturbation and they are not technically wrong but you can't masturbate without porn so it's highly damaging. Schools should include these kinds of teachings in sex education classes explaining how porn can ruin their sexual lives.
     
  9. I wish I would’ve started around 12-13... I feel as if I would’ve saved myself from a lot of shit I should never have seen.

    The gay porn and rape porn are huge regrets of mine. They confuse me and sometimes effect my mental health. I hope staying away from PMO will help me forget those dark days. Even though neither of those have a sexual effect on me now(meaning I can no longer watch them and feel aroused or interested) I still feel traumatized I guess you can say.
     
  10. ZORROW

    ZORROW Fapstronaut

    Relax brother , see its not you who want fantasies about his mom , its the porn that made you doing it . PORN is the whole evil in your story , well i used to be in this situation , i use to fantasies my cousin's mom and have fantasies about her , porn made me do this , that woman treats me like her own son and in return i was having only lustful thoughts about her and the only thing that can save me is i have to quit this addiction , i am 23 years old and been addicted to this thing from past 9 years and i know its difficult but it is possible , whenever i feel urges i come here see new post and reply to them ,i discover posts , read success stories and just spend my time here , for me this site is a SACRED PLACE , I FEEL good whenever i come here and i am aiming for a mission to help everyone i can in order to break this habit , i have suffered a lot due to this and i dont want anyone else to suffer what i did . So i want to help each and every soul here, for that i am spending a lot of time here , and it feels good , i recently joined this community and it is changing my life little -little everyday , all i have to do is not watch filthy stuff and not touch my dick.

    Another point , the director of the GAY porn have confessed that they make these videos for straight people , see our brain is extremely vulnerable whatever you will fed him , it will accept and perform actions according to that , which can affect your life , so avoid everything in order to gain back the control of your life , dont watch anything related to this thing, remember a small trigger can make you relapse . All the best , you will recover from it so dont worry i believe in you .
     
  11. Thank you man, I really appreciate your reply. I believe in you too brother!
     
  12. ZORROW

    ZORROW Fapstronaut

    Thanks brother :) <3
     
  13. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

    382
    424
    63
    I hear a lot of shame and that is familiar to me. I felt a lot of shame with pm+ I sometimes hurt myself as punishment for it and often destroyed things I had used for pm+. Had trouble talking about it in any context because of the intensity of the shame I felt, that made it hard to get any help (turns out there's not a lot of helpful ideas at least I found that when I finally did start asking for help I got a lot of so-so advice. Better than bad advice, but basic story is nothing came close to fixing me until I tried one last thing that I really did not want to try but it happened to be the thing for me like a magic bullet).
    What I didn't know until years later was that I was in a sense attracted to the shame. I never watched porn of normal sex. I wasn't putting anywhere near as much effort into pursuing normal sex as deviant sex, in retrospect I see that that would have seemed boring to me. Normal sex was uninteresting. You would think it would be interesting, sex is sex is sex they all feel essentially the same in the body. But I was drawn to what was "bad." I really related to the idea in the OP of it controlling me.
    So I think shame guilt and remorse are the core of addiction, particularly with pm+. I think when I say this it could sound like "if we just stop feeling bad..." no that's not what I'm saying. I tried that too. It felt incredibly good for 2 days then things got much worse which is saying something.
    Just useful to see through, that a big part of the high is how "bad" this is. A lot of the draw is excitement based on that shame.
     

Share This Page