Fallen back into old habits and need help

P is much worse than M and O. So if I were you refrain from P at least.

 

I think you describe me right where I am at now. Porn is evil

I'm fighting it. Everyday, day by day. It will not defeat me

 

why do you wanna stop masturbating? do you have a numb penis too or low sensivity,
delayed ejaculation or something like that??

 

It's probably better to go hard mode and just avoid all the PMO. Yes the urge to masterbate can be very strong and build up but it does eventually go away. Most of it is in your mind.. if you don't feed that fire that is the urge, then it's easier to fight against. But if you give in too quickly, especially if you view porn again, then you're basically throwing gallons of napalm along with a 70mph wind to the fire, it's gonna be nearly impossible to stop! No matter what stay away from porn. And when day 10 comes, if you get those strong urges, have a plan ready to fight it for as long as it takes. But I strongly suggest you don't give in to masterbation either, it'll make it much harder to stay away from porn if you give in.
Eventually your brain will get used to resisting the urge to masterbate and it'll be easier and easier but you gotta be consistent. And even you don't have urges, don't let your guard down on what you see, don't linger in tempting thoughts, it'll only make it harder later on if you do get urges.

One more thing, even if you have another relapse, don't completely give in or use it as an excuse to just go all out masterbating to porn. Let's you you relapse at 6pm Tuesday.. ok, it's terrible, feels really bad, but you're still on a journey to recover, do immediately get back up and be back to your journey by 6:01pm ! You're goal here is self-control, so even if you relapse, regain that self-control asap!

I also relapsed on day 46.. I didn't view porn but I did MO. Went 45 days 100% clean! First time going over 3 weeks that I can remember. So the relapse was so painful. Then, I relapsed again on day 53, still didn't view porn but did MO. This one was 10x more painful! I was crushed with sadness and thinking I was possibly reverting back to my old ways. But I can't give up. So I'm being extra careful and really trying to avoid everything that led up to the relapse. On day 5 now for MO, day 58 for P. Not viewing P or having completely given after I relapsed is helping A LOT to get back on track asap.

Look at a relapse like going up 100 stairs. Let's say you reach step 46, but then you trip and fall back 2 steps. Are you gonna go ALL the way back down to step 1 and start over?? Or better just get back up and continue from where you're at now step 44. You'll still be on your way to the top instead of starting all over. If you go back to bad habits after a relapse then it's like starting over from step 1. Remember you're trying to break a habit.. so a relapse after 46 days doesn't mean you're back to bad habits, so long as you don't keep doing it. Messing up one time or even 2 times is a slip up, but repeatedly, purposely doing it again and again I'd not just a mistake anymore it's going back to a habit again. So if you relapse again, keep in mind the big picture. Even after a relapse you can still say it's not a habit (though it's still a weakness) , and you can still count it as progress if you react properly to a relapse