Relapse to normal masturbation as a possible cure and mental motivation?

So Im about 1 year on the NoFap lifestyle, obviously I had TONS of relapses and basically never had a streak bigger than 10 days.

But something has happened to me last time, I just can see that I learned a thing the last time I relapsed, and that wasnt like the other times.

You will see: My proposal for myself when I started to do this was no PMO never again, of course that is the major objetive of the most people here. But there was this thing: Every time I relapse I just watched the old P material that I used to use for get arousal during a lot of times, is like this big vault of videos, games and other materials that will never be away from my mind, even if I get clean, because I used to get arousal with it during several years.

The last time I relapse, about 4 days, I just get aroused by old remembers of a girl that I used to have sex with.

For some reason, I never, ever, tought about relapsing not to P, "if the relapse happen, better to do it well and enjoy it" is what I tought then.

The point is, the last time, for some reason, I said this:

"This time, when I get to that point where the relapse happen, I will not use porn or the old imaginary scenarios to do it. The next time that the hornyness overwhelm me, I will just go to the shower and take a bath, then I will masturbate slowly with the empty mind and only reach O by physical sensations"

For some reason, after decide that the next relapse I will not use P, my mind just unlocked another point of view, is almost like right now I dont have reasons to masturbate, since watching P was the main reason I think.

But now, Im like "Im not watching P if I relapse, so there is no point in relapse"

Im feeling like that to relapse but not to P is kinda a waste. Every time I relapse I decided to do it with porn, since when I started this, the number of times that I had a PMO sesion has definitely be reduced. I will relapse and get into the chaser effect, but sometimes I will relapse and then keep it up for some more days.

But after decided that the next relapse will not be using P, is like my mind is way more clear, and my idea about masturbation has changed.

I just wanted to share this story. After write this, for some reason I lose some security about not watching, maybe because I just remembered a lot of P things that I should not remember.

Just wanted to share it, maybe it help others.
Maybe someone has a similar history or experience that can teach me more things about this behavior.

Thank you for read, please Id like also to take some advices for get stronger in order to not watch P again.

Your always present Rambo.

 

The topic was not about that, but I appreciate the advice anyway, I will try to do my best!

Peace