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Should I seek closure from her?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by PJT, Nov 6, 2019.

  1. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    Guys, it's been about a month since i reported on here. Anyways, I was speaking to this girl and a lot of what was going on between us can be seen here:

    https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/should-i-let-her-go.241881/page-2#post-2213030

    Well since the making of this post, a little bit more drama happened which culminated at the beginning of October. Basically we were friends or friendly but then I again snapped over the phone at her about her roommate and other friends. We never said it was over, but I suppose it is.

    Still, she is on my mind all the time. I don't even know what I want to do with her. Today I am telling myself that it is closure I seek. I want to tell her that I rarely date and even more rarely have sex but I'm wondering what the motive is behind this. I don't want her to feel bad for me, but the more i try and rationalize this out it sounds like I want her to feel bad.

    In my mind i am telling myself that I just want to have fond memories of the whole experience and that it is important she has fond memories of me too. But i don't even know if that's true.

    Some of the things she told me during our last convo i actually considered and acted on. I don't hang out with the bike messenger i was hanging out with anymore bc she pointed out how he was a bad friend. She also told me to seek a psychologist of which i rebutted that I already been seeing one for the last two years, and she then said get rid of her cause she sucks and in all fairness my pyschologist does kind of suck and when I see that person next week I will be cutting off that relationship as well.

    Basically i'm left with no one. I am doing positive things with my time, but here I am at work thinking of her and this. I took a test at a prometric site and the entire time I was thinking of her.

    Is it normal to want to just hear someone tell you point blank that they don't want to ever see you again? Will that in any way help me? I tried to reach out to her twice in this past month. I day I called she didn't pick up..she texted 'whats up' i told her that was embarrassed about what i said, she texts back 'okay' and then i said i'm rooting for her and she texts 'thanks'. Then another weekend when i went back to my parents house (in another state) i was subject to both of my sisters fighting and being real nast towards one another. I closed my eyes and just thought of her and then I hit my sisters with a line that this girl told me once, 'opinions are like a$$holes everyone has one' and it kinda worked and calmed my sisters down for a second. I reached out via ig and told her about this...all I can tell is that she seen the text.

    Now i'm doing stupid things like going on IG and just opening up my messages and tracking when she's online or whatever. Not actually trying to call her or anything. I know i need to just let go, but should I seek some sort of closure? Did i get it already? I've also stopped drinking and smoking for the past 20 or so days too. It's just so much and I got no one right now to sort it all out with. I've matched with people on dating sites, but find no interest in talking to them. Even took one girl on a date and made out with her but not at all interested in seeing her again.

    As i was taking an exam today I told myself i shoud call her. I probably failed that text, i paid $300 to sit for that test. Its hard for me to focus. I just kind of want to tell her the entire truth about me and then what? i dont know.
     
  2. Just Is

    Just Is Fapstronaut

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    If you havent told her already that you're interested, then tell her. It's not just for closure, it's to try and prevent regret from it in the future. Don't do it over text, meetup in person.

    You might not even hear any kind of response or answer (Happened to me once, she just cried and ignored it later lol). If so, then all the signs are already there. She's not perfect and you need to realise her flaws too.

    Getting a new psych could help you deal with this too. Back in my situation I use to argue a lot with the same girl. I ended up having to explain that the fighting is because I care so much (and they seemed to aswell).

    Did you also quit smoking & drinking for them or for yourself? Might be something to think about.

    No promises that it'll turn out good. Be more prepared for rejection. It's a good thing and makes you stronger in the end.
     
    Fifth Horseman likes this.
  3. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    I'm trying to stop all the bs bc it plays with my mood. I didn't do it for her I did it for myself. In my heart of hearts I don't think it will work out on the end. But right now ..like at this moment she's on my mind. This girl is kinda out of my league in some ways.

    I wanted to just call her and maybe meet in person or just say my peace over the phone. She's the type that will move on quick . I think she already moved on. I'm not upset if she did I just need her out of my head. Or I need to just not feel intimidated by her or her me (which I doubt the latter). I really don't have much to offer her now. It's not right to reignite stuff with her now bc I don't feel comfortable with her roommate (a guy) so the same bs will happen.
     
  4. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    As an update last night I was riding back home in my back from the coffee shop and I was in the bike lane on a side street and this car was stopped in the street and swing open the door as I passed. The door hit me I flew off my bike and cracked my skull on the pavement. From the pavement i started yelling at the guy and then the guy in the driver seat gets out of the car and shows me a shank likenjes going to stab me. I got up and stared him down and told him to do something. They left. I am so lucky that I didn't severely get hurt as I flew off my bike. Just a bump on my head. Ripped pants and the brake in my bike is messed up.

    Anyways I get home and kind of get to my senses and text this girl. She didn't respond. I told her that tomorrow is not promised and that she deserves the truth and I told her that kinda used her to date to provide me a distraction and I told her I barely went on any dates my entire life and I just wanted to go thru those motions and emotions with somebody. I guess it's up to her hopefully she received. Anyway it's like @Just Is says don't go thru life with regret . I strangely am not so regretful about reaching out this time ...time to heal time to move in she needs to get out of my head
     
  5. Get_It

    Get_It Fapstronaut

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    Oneitis is a serious disease. Please read Rollo Tomassi's "The Rational Male". Thank me later. Reach down and grab a hold of your Nuts and unplug from the Matrix.
     
  6. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the suggestion and I might just buy the book.

    However, this idea that i'm not "unplugged from the matrix" is just funny to me. Like man, I don't even watch tv. I'm 35 yrs old and at this point in my life I don't believe in a numbers game. At this point it's more like which girl can I tolerate the most and the one I'm talking about...yeah I'm highlighting the negativity, but at the same time there are a lot of positive features from her. Her genetics being up there, and also the way she holds women accountable for their own actions. As I write on here I know i'm not painting the entire picture but just know if I am writing about someone it's because I was starting to see a potential future and that she wasn't so basic or whatever. But I hear you, maybe i'm not communicating properly. in any case thanks for the suggestion and I will look into the book.
     
  7. Personally, not responding to me would be all the “closure” I would need.

    Many of today’s women aren’t really into giving closure. It’s more common to ignore those who seek it and secretly hope they get the hint and take a long walk, off of a short pier.
     
  8. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    Well that's pretty negative and I don't wish anyone to hold hate and evil in their hearts toward another. Im not trying to sound holier than thou. These are just basic common principles everyone should live by. I actually even told this chics friend that I hope she take a long walk off a short Pier. It was short sighted and silly of me to think.

    But I hear you that this is more common today and if that's happening welll I'm trying to will that out of existence.
     

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