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13 days and i'm gonna suicide

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by The Trooper, Nov 11, 2019.

  1. The Trooper

    The Trooper Fapstronaut

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    I'm a 21 year old virgin boy who struggled with nofap for 3 years and my highest record was 51 days in last fall Then in last summer the worst ever happened to me. I damaged some sort of my penis muscle and tissues of the base part during some sort of stupid exercise i found on internet for growing size. After that i was totaly suicidal and have been on a heavy binge of pmo to numb myself. (Today is my 13th day of nofap after a year) I visited 4 urologists and they were just shit. They don't even listen to someone talking about ed without having partner! So stupid. My erection goes off like 2 seconds! I can't even feel that sense of pleasure i used to have in my scrotom when aroused. My ball sac is completely numb and my dick has not much sensation. I searched a lot for treatments but the only possible one would be penile implant that is so expensive and my dick would also be numb like now. So i made my choice now. I'm gonna end this misery once forever. Please don't ever say that it's gonna be better in time becaues i'm sure it won't. I tried so much on finding other joys in life to live for but who am i fooling, my biology has been made for this, It's the most fun thing to do. Couldn't find anything more pleasurable than vagina. And without having that spontaneous and joyfull erections i can't enjoy it. It's about a year i can't sleep, eat, study or do anything. I can't tolerate anymore. I can't wait for any treatment. So frustrated. Nothing nothing is left for me anymore. Damn me. I never expected my life to end this shitty. I was always the absoloute best at school, even the most handsome, tried so hard and sacrificed all my childhood to inter this medical school, despite having a drug addict abusive father who would pass me out of the house every week not being in his mood, tolerated all that to someday have a life that i could fulfill my dreams, but this thing just fucked me right up in the **s. It's my own choice to take my life or decide what my perception of life to be. Well i've made a realistic, biological one. and life's not that important they say. It will only take a few minutes and i will be free of my pain. Like i was never existed.
     
  2. an0n8200

    an0n8200 Fapstronaut

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    The fact you posted on here shows a part of you secretly wants someone to step in and help you. I'm gonna be honest, I was suicidal a few years ago and I nearly ended it - but I'm really glad I didn't. Just keep going, for all you know this is the flatline talking.
     
  3. I hope you find the right doctors for this. It sounds very serious. I don't know what insurance you have, but read their policy carefully and see how you can get around the expenses. Your life is worth more than money.
     
  4. athlean

    athlean Fapstronaut

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    i'm just very curious what "exercise" you did to believe it would grow your penis xD..
     
  5. The Trooper

    The Trooper Fapstronaut

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    I appreciate your reply and
    i'm so sorry for what has happened. Shitty doctors are found everywhere. Hope you find a good treatment and take back your well being.
     
    xXsinnerXx likes this.
  6. The Trooper

    The Trooper Fapstronaut

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    You sound like my urologists!
     
  7. The Trooper

    The Trooper Fapstronaut

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    What made you continue? I mean what should the purpose of our life be? Is there anything better than sex?
     
  8. ZORROW

    ZORROW Fapstronaut

    Well sex is just a part of your life and not your whole life , you have been blessed with this human body and mind then my friend you are lucky , do something valuable with it , i have been addicted to this addiction from past 9 years joined several whats app groups on nofap but nothing worked , but now when i discovered this site , it has given me a new purpose in my life , i dont want anyone to get addicted to this thing and for that i am dedicating time and energy towards on this site , believe me i have attempted suicides earlier but i got failed on them , my parents had to suffer a lot due to this , they both got diabetic thinking and taking so much tension for me , i used to curse myself that because of me my parents are seeing their worst days of life , believe me i feel regret but this time i wont quit and i am not a looser i wont give up on my life , do something valuable , come to India here we got so many great doctors that can heal you , just try and till then dont live like this appreciate yourself and you will get healed . just believe in yourself , your life is still worth for living , GOD BLESS YOU BROTHER .
    I BELIEVE IN YOU . JUST BELIEVE IN YOURSELF :)
     
    Riot02, Theseeker19 and The Trooper like this.
  9. Have you had your hormones checked , ssri increase shbg which bind to your test and can create low free testosterone, even if you have high test if your shbg is high because of ssri your body can't use it because it's bound up to the shbg , and causes a lot of the same symptoms as pssd . proviron is good for this ,
     
    The Trooper likes this.
  10. ZORROW

    ZORROW Fapstronaut

    I am sorry for your condition , but my friend i think there is still hope , i want you to read this book known as THE POWER OF YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND , BY - JOSEPH , i think you might find the solutions to your this problem in that book , just read it once . There were many real life examples , when you will read then you will realize about what i am talking here . i just hope it helps you , GOD BLESS YOU :)
     
    The Trooper likes this.
  11. The Trooper

    The Trooper Fapstronaut

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    Thank you brother! I realy appreciate that. Didn't expect this much support! God bless you all. And i wish the bests for you.
     
    Riot02 and ZORROW like this.
  12. an0n8200

    an0n8200 Fapstronaut

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    I couldn't tell you that, as I have yet to have sex :emoji_joy: but the biggest thing motivating me is wanting to be remembered after I die. I'm working on a video game that I hope becomes a huge hit - maybe a little over optimistic, but it keeps me going. You just need to find something that you're good at (there is something before you tell yourself there isn't, I used to think I was useless but it turns out I'm great at game design) and then push yourself to achieve something big. Don't end your life before it can really take off :emoji_thumbsup:
     
    Riot02 and The Trooper like this.
  13. ZORROW

    ZORROW Fapstronaut

    Thankyou brother , whenever you find difficulty dealing with these things just message us here , we all are here to help each other , we all are a family , and family look after each other :)
     
  14. I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling. Rebooting has its ups and downs, just like life. We see many people experiencing both the ups and downs during the reboot, and though it may be hard to see now, these feelings you are having won’t last forever. It will get better with time, if you are patient and wait.


    In the meantime, please seek professional help. I know the idea of calling a helpline might terrify you, but in times of crisis, we often need someone their to put our lives in perspective. So please contact someone who can help and don’t hang up on them. The International Association for Suicide Prevention maintains a list of suicide prevention hotlines for countries all over the world. Also, if you don’t feel up to actually talking to someone on the phone, StopSuicide maintains a list of online instant messaging and chat suicide prevention resources.


    You are not alone in this. There are ways to treat depression. Please contact people that can help you. Being depressed often makes it feel like you don’t have any more options. But that is a lie. That is just the depression talking. These feelings you have won’t last forever. We are in this with you, and we will all be cheering for you to get through this!
     
  15. The Trooper

    The Trooper Fapstronaut

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    Sure i'll do. We truely are a family.
     
    Deleted Account and ZORROW like this.
  16. The Trooper

    The Trooper Fapstronaut

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    thank you bro! I'm sure it will. Wish you luck!
     
    an0n8200 likes this.
  17. an0n8200

    an0n8200 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man
     
    The Trooper likes this.
  18. To OP,
    My brain is damaged by excessive pmo for about 7 years. Majority of my 20's are fucked up by this shitty addiction. I have the same issue as you in terms of reproduction organ tissues. I think mines are damaged. I'm 450 days clean and I'm still numb to things. I sometimes feel suicidal as well but I keep going.
    My advice would be to continue reading about different threads concerning flatline. There are a lot from other rebooters who have completed 6 to 24 months before they could see the light at the end....
     
    Don Quixote and The Trooper like this.
  19. You can do this! Dont give up!!
     
    The Trooper and Deleted Account like this.
  20. athlean

    athlean Fapstronaut

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    its a legit question tho
     
    The Trooper likes this.

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