Felling low today

EXCUSE FOR ENGLISH

SCHOOL LIFE FROM 8th TO 12th STANDARD

i did not enjoy my school life because of this P and M habit.
i live my life on FaceBook , making cousin and chat with many girls on FaceBook and show that how much happy i was but in reality i did not have courage to talk anyone if they come in front of me.my mom want selfie whenever we go to our farm house but i always denied because of self hate

Read porn comic,watching hardcore,teen,punishment group porn,seeing photos of girls on magazine (sarita,satya katha..)

I did not want to face anyone after 8th standard my attendance get decrease in school ,i don't want to face anyone don't want to go outside my home or in any family function.if my friend call me to meet i make any excuse for not want to meet.(Desire to avoid socializing) i did not go in any cultural event or sports events.
i did not do lunch with my friend because of shame and guilt inside me.my school has two gates ,my most of the friends came from front gate but i go from backward
because i don't want to interact with anyone.after 10th standard i go outside my town for prepration of competetive exam but i return back because i don't handle stress of anything,did'nt concentrate on study,did'nt want to make new friends.i bunk the classes

my immunity power goes down i was easily affected with cold,fever and other disease.
there is also pains and stiffness in muscles, joints when ever i sit for some time at one place.i also get affected by acne very much and my hair goes white.i think that all these acne and immunity problem happens because of deficiency of nutrients and i take tonic and use more than 30 product for my acne skin but nothing happened.i feel
Fatigue and weakness

my mom wakes me up for study at 5:00 AM and i watch porn instead of doing study
i did not concentrate on my studies and became average guy.Lack of Focus / attention / concentration (brain fog)


i get sexual thoughts,horniness for my maid ,tution teacher,neighbour aunty,any girl living near my house .after every masturabtion i went to eat for junk(noodles,patties,ice cream...)go for eating junk because my craving to eat junk is high in stress.Pornographic flashbacks and sexual dreams makes me fearfull and leads to nightfall or masturbation

i do many things things to come out from all these
by going temple,morning walk,exercise,no use of mobile but nothing work for me.
and every time i went to tample and from think today i will change all this but untill now it did'nt change

 

Thanks for your support

 

Day 11
Excuse for English

On day 11 I am felling energetic,need less sleep
Shine in hair and on my face.my concentrate also increase which helps in coding and study.self steam also increase.i thick my weight also increase,felling happiness

nightfall also happened last night,I thick because of the Hollywood movie I watch last night have some sexual scean.i am felling hot(like fever),having cramps, anxiety.

 

Day 12
Today went to college to give externals. Today I am feeling very tired. The toe is aching and the problem of short breath is happening.Feeling like depression. Fatigue, anxiety, body also feels hot.

Yes, the eye contact has changed. Today I was able to answer correctly in the external. A little weight has also increased. Now I do not unsecure in the middle of people.

 

Day 16

A little depressed is failing after nightfall last night.Today, Angsty has also increase.But I am happy because today I am on 16th day, which is the highest ever.I believe that the reason for nightfall is stress and stress is increased by surfing the mobile through the day.Today I am able to feel the songs.Now I am studying everyday.Now I can talk to my friends with eye contact.Now I started jocking more with my friends

 

Yesterday I came home by bus from the city where I study.eariler I was fell very uncomfortable while traveling but yesterday
I enjoy the journey.i was enjoying songs in my journey.I was talking to unknown people without Hesitation.I am now studying every day.My weight is also increasing.

I am scared to think about past when it comes to sexual thought.
Cramps are happening too much.
Due to pimples there is swelling on my face.
frequent urination.

 

I am feeling very demotivated and stressed . Today is the 19th day of my NOFAP journey. Today I am also affected of cold and fever.Today I do not even want to study much.Today I am feeling very low.