Should I leave my PMO addicted partner?

I'm sorry to hear that, I cannot imagine what that must feel like. It's tearing me up inside just thinking about it. There's a young woman at work I like and I believe she likes me back and the mere thought of hurting her like this as unintentionally as it would be is scary.

 

It seems that you're still trying to "convince" him to show his love the way you would show yours. That's probably not going to work. His responses are not normal right now, so why do you keep looking for a "sign?" Besides, I doubt he'll respond to manipulation. Also, he has his own way of showing how he feels at the moment -- even if that is nothing. Let it go. Please stop asking him to behave a certain way, to show you what you want to see, to make you feel loved -- or hated? I'm sorry to say (again) neither is likely. At the moment, he's probably numb. You seem to stay attached to wanting to determine whether he "cares." Sorry, he's probably not going to give you that satisfaction. The disease is not the person itself so you cannot find out how the true person feels. Besides, he, too, can manipulate back and freeze you out. It's a downward test of wills -- and you're in the weakest position because he leans on the addiction and the feelings of euphoria it gives him. It's already a tragedy -- don't make it worse by staying longer in this limbo for something he cannot give you in this condition. The _only_ thing you need to know, and the only thing you need to understand, is that you need to get out -- today.
I'm rooting for you.

 

You speak the truth: it's madness -- on your part -- to play this game any longer. Get professional help with making the change (even a women's shelter would be a start) and get out, today. If you think he'll give you grief and you can't leave safely, get others to protect you while you're moving out.

 

Well listen, it’s a complex bag. You see I don’t believe he doesn’t care about you at all, I think deep down he does, and deep down he feels bad for everything he’s doing to you, it’s makes him feel guilt and because he knows you will take his abuse you are his easiest target. But In this case, him deep down caring for you will not mean anything since it’s what he’s DOING that matters. His addiction is destroying his life and it’s destroying yours, that will continue unless he receives a giant bolt of reality. Of course it’s ultimately your decision, but I truly believe you at least separating yourself from him will in the long term bring you a chance of some kind of happiness. He will either snap out of it and work slowly to recover because he doesn’t want to lose you, or he will bury himself even more in his addiction. Force it upon him.

 

Well done for deciding to act and bring this nightmare to an end. Stay strong and stay safe. Get as much help and support from friends and family as you can.
Good luck.

ANH

 

EXcellent decision!!!
Good clarity!
Perhaps there is a couch you can crash on in the interim...?
It will be a better new year for you!
YES!

 

Amen!

 

Love the sound of clarity and sanity I hear in your words!

 

It is really great to hear that. So glad that this site has helped you. Start looking forward to being free of this mess and building a new life for yourself. Light at the end of the tunnel indeed!

ANH

 

I glanced at most of these posts....I may have missed a few points. However,........

This guy should quit ALL of this porn if he has the SLIGHTEST idea how forgiving you have been to him. If he can't see that, he's hopeless.

Remember, the past doesn't matter. What do you expect him to be in the future?

 

On his own!

 

I hope you are doing well cvicious. Hopefully everything worked out for the best.

 

Take it from someone who was seriously addicted to porn (and I don't say I'm never going to relapse, but so far I'm clean), when you're in the middle of an addiction, it's not that you don't love your partner, it's that your brain rationalises all sorts of bad behaviour. He has to hit rock bottom before he will change. He is obviously not at rock bottom. Maybe you leaving him will cause him to hit rock bottom, maybe it won't. But either way, the relationship is now toxic and you need to protect yourself and get on with your life. It may feel like you're letting him down or not supporting him, etc., but you shouldn't feel any guilt. He has allowed himself to become addicted. You didn't do this to him. He has turned away your offers of help and your decision to stand by him. Leave and don't look back. You don't have to hate him, in fact you should forgive him for all the bad things he's done, but forgiveness doesn't mean you have to live his nightmare. I say all of this as someone who was addicted to some of the most crazy and degrading stuff you can look at on the internet. I even missed dates with my gfs to stay at home and PMO. The only thing that turned me around was hitting rock bottom.

 

Oops. Didn't see how old the original post was hopefully things turned out OK for all concerned