35 and older accountability, Group 2

I slipped today. Had 1 week. Out of routine and immense job stress hit me yesterday. I didn’t try to go for walk or anything.

 

Reset and try again. All you can do is learn from this experience and move on forward

 

D70. Today was a productive day. In the morning I studied about baptism with a lot of enthusiasm. I love studing the Bible... I think I find my vocation. I took my afternoon classes and then I went to the pray meeting. Everything rides fine in my life these days, even my work... I hope the best there!

 

Amazing! So happy to hear this Dasher! I just used my classpass today too

Keep me posted when you read mantac chia's book on your insights -

 

I have read the rules and would like to join this group

 

Thanks persona for the support. I made some extra steps to filter content that should reduce some risks and make it harder for me to access. Now time to build the next streak!

 

Day 11 -

I am feeling a sense of harmoney and I'm also started to have flashbacks of the moments of agnoy of missing porn.

There are gaps of time when I feel a low mood and see beautiful girls around me and I feel really frustrated because I can not masturbate or be with them and a sense of victim hood comes over me.

What i intend to do is to use those times to connect more to my Soul and realize that no external thing has any inherent happiness in it, it is the soul that is the source of joy. and In due season I will attract the right partner and relationship in divine timing.

I also remember that the worst time to seek a partner is when I feel lonely, Feeling of loneliness is a sign that I am disconnected from the source of Joy which is within me.

I also dont need to seek any one, I am resonating so much joy and love that my partner will find me.

 

Well done @newtry on the 70 days, I love your enthusiasm for the Bible and your love of life. May Father grant you all you need for future growth and success.

 

Very challenging week. Many ups and downs and work was very slow and felt very stressful, but I survived!

Worked out almost every day with unprecedented focus and intensity. Healthy eating and drinking all week, although I did indulge a bit last night after a long week of work and drank 4 beers and 2 shots of Grand Marnier.

But my desire for weekend alcohol is greatly diminished. I don't remember the last time I drank alcohol on a Saturday or Sunday. Every other Friday evening or so, right after work, I'll have a few beers and maybe a shot or two, but that's about it.

Been going to bed early (9 pm, 10 pm at the latest) and rising early (5 am every day, without the aid of an alarm clock). I have become a "morning person" and I am really enjoying my morning "meditation": 1 K-cup of coffee, reading (mostly nofap.com) and reviewing and revising my short-term and long-term goals.

I'm at 30+ days PMO and I THINK I'm starting to come out of a flatline. My libido and urges have intensified. For years (i.e. the past 5 years) all of my sexual functioning was derived from fantasies, marijuana, alcohol, PM, and p-subs. I was often unable to perform sexually in "real life." 50/50 chance at best.

Rebooting is starting to feel like a double-edged sword. I loathed the flatline (i.e. no libido, brain fog, ED, etc.), but at least I never felt any overpowering urges. Lately, though, I've felt the onset of my libido, and the thought and confidence of being able to perform sexually feels very exciting and powerful. I feel like this is when I need to be especially vigilent. I need to keep my thoughts and urges in check.

I haven't thought about P or M but the past few days and nights, I have been recalling, with fond remembrances, my past sexual "conquests," (I was reckless and promiscuous, always thinking about fulfilling own self interests, never thinking thinking how my actions impacted the lives of others), and I have also entertained, in my mind, the prospect of a sexual encounter with a business colleague.

This is when I need to remind myself that those few seconds of self-induced thoughts of pleasure (i.e. fantasies) will NEVER come close to matching the man who I am today: an honest and humble man; a grateful man; a blessed man, full of newfound joy, energy, strength, and purpose.

So today, with God's help and the support from nofap.com, I will continue traveling along the path to TRUE freedom and happiness. It's not the easy path, but it is the one I choose.

 

Busy weekend ahead!

Today and tomorrow I will ride my bike to the gym, where I will lift weights and do cardio and challenge my mind and body. I will not look at my phone or wear my headphones while I'm lifting weights, but I will look at least one fellow gymgoer in the eye, smile, and say "hello."

Today and tomorrow I will devote time and effort toward creating my resume and reviewing jobs. My resume is a work in progress and it will be 100% accurate and honest. I do not have a computer at home so when I am creating my resume I will be innovative and be willing to think and act outside the box. I will explore only the job opportunties that most appeal to me and I will not settle for anything less.

I will spend time today and tomorrow thinking about what I REALLY want to do with the remaining years of my life. I am 48 years old and I have nothing to lose by trying!

Today and tomorrow I will work on creating an action plan for succeeding at my current job. I've really struggled the past few months and I am worried about my finances, and I am also worried that I am going to lose my job. But today I am going to face these fears. I've been with the same company for nearly 5 years and I've succeeded before, and I'm going to do everything that I can to succeed again. So today and tomorrow I will identify the areas where I can improve and what I can control, and I will execute a plan, and stick to it, starting Monday, November 25, 2019.

Today I will revise specific dates of my tapering schedule for alprazolam. I will place this written schedule on my kitchen counter so that it remains visible at all times. I am currently taking 1 mg per day (down from 2 mg per day starting October 6, 2019), and I will again taper down to .5 mg per day starting Thursday, November 28th (Thanksgiving Day). This will be my lowest daily dose in 3-4 years. I will be done with alprazolam by February 19, 2020 (my birthday).

 

@ANewFocus thank you for inspiring me with your candor and resilience! What helps me with urges is reading and/or humbly speaking aloud the Lord's prayer and Psalms 23:4. I hope I don't sound "preachy." I am not religious and I am still not 100% convinced that God exists, but these prayers help me tremendously.

I wish you a blessed and peaceful day. Keep up the good fight!

 

Just wanted to say reading your post I can feel the grace and the power behind your intentions. You sound humble and determined like a warrior. Keep moving with full faith. You got this.

 

Amen!

 

I’m not religious but don’t reject spiritual wisdom. Could you PM me the psalms you mention? Not familiar with it and can’t access it while I’m traveling.

 

PM'd you Psalm 23:4.

Have a great day and safe travels to you.

 

D73. In these days I have been sick, with fever. I slept badly and I barely ate. However, still sick, early Friday I went to work. After work, I was studying and finishing my theology homework all day, even despite the fever.

On Saturday I continued with a fever, but in the morning I studied, in the afternoon I went to the nursing home to visit a lady who used to go to my church. I was thinking of going to preach the Word of God, but she wasn't lucid, she didn't even recognize me. In the afternoon I went to visit a friend with mental problems and preached to him about the peace of Christ, in John 16:33.

Today (Sunday) I feel much better in my health. I almost feel recovered. The fever has made my mind fly. I have spent the last two nights thinking non-stop about the biblical things that I have been studying. This is good up to a point, but nothing healthy. The dream is to rest, not to keep thinking.

 

Just checking in. Day 4 with 5 punching through tonight.
Made it through weekend in one piece with minimal cravings and thoughts.