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Thinking of hiring an escort...

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Thelambofdeth, Nov 17, 2019.

  1. praus6qwet

    praus6qwet New Fapstronaut

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    Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't hiring a hooker similar to PMO? You know, rewarding yourself with dopamine without really putting in any effort...
     
  2. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    Before you even consider hiring an escort or pursuing a girlfriend, woman-friend with benefits, etc who is somehow going to magically dissolve your social-anxiety and loneliness issues as soon as you have had sex with her, try to think for yourself first and foremost.
    Do you think that that single experience alone will make most of your anxiety, confidence and self-esteem issues go away in an eye-blink? Or do you think there are other ways to resolve your inner issues that are obviously plaguing you on a daily basis?

    I was myself in your shoes only a few years ago when I seriously thought a girlfriend (and some sex) would break the ice and resolve most of the mental and spiritual issues I had at the time. I seriously considered hiring an escort myself but soon realized there were other ways to cope with it as I had hit rock-bottom three years ago. At least, I realized that no woman would ever be able to resolve the issues I had within.
    That's how I got into self-improvement and ever since, I have strived to become my best version which has helped me a lot in life so far. It has been taking hard work but I feel more free, alive, present and detached from my ego than ever which is key to feeling great. My advice would then be to focus on self-improvement first and foremost. In that way, you will build up a great life where no external factors can really throw you off this path.
     
  3. Thelambofdeth

    Thelambofdeth Fapstronaut

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    I'm not looking for women to solve my problems. I know they won't. I'm just tired of being lonely. And I have tried to improve myself. It's just extremely frustrating when up cant get any companionship. Yet you have murderers and rapists, drug dealer, abusers, etc who have no issue getting females. Really maddening.
     
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2019
  4. Son of Midgaard

    Son of Midgaard Fapstronaut

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    Have you read no more Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover? I highly recommend!

    I am also a recovering nice guy and this book is really clearing things up and giving me insight into my own unproductive behaviors of the past, it is such a relief to not have to think I am an asshole everytime I make myself my mental point of origin, you always have to maintan frame with women, and men to for that matter!
     
  5. Thelambofdeth

    Thelambofdeth Fapstronaut

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    I don't think me being a "nice guy" is the problem.
     
  6. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    I was also tired of being lonely for many many years and I was suffering through it as long as my ego was in control and didn't build up a great life besides a potential woman/relationship. The very moment I started to focus on self-improvement, becoming my best version, and build up as great of a life as possible in other areas, I started to feel such a life-satisfaction that my loneliness didn't become that much of an issue anymore.
    Because, the moment I became much better at self-mastery (i.e. self-control and anger-management), I did let go of so many frustrations, struggles and grievances, simply because I felt more conscious, self-aware and great about myself and just the fact that I had let go of so many negative and destructive thoughts that had plagued me for years. A key to that self-mastery was of course to let go of PMO, combined with my already quite good habits.
    Just quitting PMO alone will really give you a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment because it is so hard to give up for most men. But, it requires you stay on top of the game in most aspects of your daily life if you want to reap most of the great benefits that come with it.

    As far as the women-companionship of murders, rapists and other criminals concerns, I wouldn't touch those women with a ten foot pole since they are damaged goods and by doing that they just display one of their many signs of brokenness, insecurity, approval seeking and low quality. Those bad-boys only keep those women temporarily as well since they usually aren't looking for a stable relationship and if they do, that façade crumbles quick as soon as the woman realizes he is too volatile and doesn't have much to offer in the long run.
    Those are the same women who look for a low-quality beta-male to settle down with on the day they turn 30 and "have had their fun" as they say it. That's why you should turn them down as they start looking your way as they get older and realize their SMV is dropping quickly.

    You can of course become and be an alpha-male without being an absolute a-hole or jerk 24/7. What it basically requires are things such as: confidence, integrity (doing what's right, no matter the repercussions), goals and purposes in life, emotional-control, right mindset, setting boundaries, and some basic social skills. There are plenty of such good role-models out there and you have to pick one or two that suits your personality and style the best. A great example that suits me good is James Bond who is that more reserved (but confident) and charming gentleman who has a sense of good humor as well.
     
  7. Thelambofdeth

    Thelambofdeth Fapstronaut

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    This is what I mean. I went out to our usual bar last night dressed to a t( as usual) and got nothing. Except a chance to see this 40 year old looking balding lame guy dancing with, kissing and leaving this solid 9. Even one of my friends who's a complete idiot managed to approach this pretty chick I had my eye on all night. Theres all the lame looking dudes who I should have an easier time than managing to approach and talk to girls I don't even have the courage to lock eyes with. It's the same thing every time and one of the biggest reasons I relapse. It's such a chit feeling. It's not like the places I go to are full of Andrew Garfield and Michael B. Jordans but that doesn't make it any easier.
     
  8. Son of Midgaard

    Son of Midgaard Fapstronaut

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    I am convinced you are. You say it yourself you are resentful deranged and bitter. Needy and delusional.

    You're nice guy antics aint serving you and you refuse to acknowledge this.

    Keep living in denial or make life changing differences,, like I am doing, the main alpha.
     
  9. Thelambofdeth

    Thelambofdeth Fapstronaut

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    Dude that alpha stuff is bs. I'm not deranged or delusional, just frustrated.
     
  10. Son of Midgaard

    Son of Midgaard Fapstronaut

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    Typical blue pilled thinking.

    The road ahead would be tough for you, wish you best of luck though.
     
  11. Max666

    Max666 Fapstronaut

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    People go on about what it means to be alpha, how you gotta look like a bad boy but not arrogant, carefree, but not too dismissive, you gotta wear these clothes, you gotta stand this way..it's just rubbish. These aren't alphas, they're posers. The thing that separates alpha from beta is one thing...intent, whether at a bar or on a dating site.
    Just go up to the girl at the bar and tell her your intent. Simple. Say "I find you attractive and I wanna find out who you are" which is the honest truth. It's easy to be honest, lying takes far more effort. And being honest isn't something you should feel nervous about or ashamed. You find a girl attractive, so what? You're a man. Express it. If she's not interested there's nothing you can do about it. Dont think about it as 'approaching' a girl but rather, expressing to a girl.
     
  12. Thelambofdeth

    Thelambofdeth Fapstronaut

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    It's not that easy. I cant even approach them, and you're talking about just telling them they're attractive? Lol. Stuff like that only works if you're good-looking. If not, you're dismissed and called a creep.

    Thing is, it's hard to even gauge what league I'm in. I see guy who are objectively worse off than me approach and close girls I would even think of talking to
     
    Son of Midgaard likes this.
  13. Max666

    Max666 Fapstronaut

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    You just answered your own question. If guys not as attractive as you can do it, why cant you?
    And as I said, it's just about taking it. You want the fruit on the tree, you have to reach high to get it. How much do you want the fruit? The interaction doesn't have to be flawless, it's not gonna be, just has to be sincere. Girls like sincerity. Showing you're nervous isn't a bad thing.

    YOU gauge what league you're in, that's the whole point. You gotta tell yourself you're attractive and believe it like it's the girl who's gonna win the prize, not you.
     
  14. jianpip

    jianpip Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for starting the thread. I caught myself in the last year looking for escorts online, and fantasysing on meeting them. I haven't contact them, but one that for some reason is in facebook with the same name, I contacted, but I was so disgusted with me trying to contact a girl just for the fact I thought was "easy", that I can buy "lust"... more overwhelming, I just jerk off to a picture, and when it was done, all that emptiness came to me, all that whole of not having someone that is not there just for the sex, but to stay. I got to say I am so scared with the path I am following, I just don't want to end up addicted to escorts. I know if I do it, it would destroy me. Its a path I don't want to walk down, because I can just see how much painfully will be the path back. Sorry to have your thread to share my experience, but reading some of the comments I just felt like doing it. I wish you all the best!
     
  15. Thelambofdeth

    Thelambofdeth Fapstronaut

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    Its nowhere near that easy for some of us dude.
     
  16. Fifth Horseman

    Fifth Horseman Fapstronaut

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    Seems like an easy equation/cost benefit analysis:
    Women who you will connect with if you never take a chance and wait instead for them to come to you=0;
    Women who you will connect with if you take a chance because what do you have to lose=0-many.
    Truth is, if you don’t bother trying but instead dwell on your loneliness, it’s just possible you don’t want to be with someone as much as you think you do. And there’s nothing wrong with that at all, as long as you come to peace with that and yourself, and decide to enjoy the life you are choosing to the fullest.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  17. Thelambofdeth

    Thelambofdeth Fapstronaut

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    That may have been true a few years ago. But not so much now. I have worked on myself and I have embraced solitude, but I thought after a while things would change and I'd finally get a chance. I want so much for any form of companionship at this point, but theres next to nothing I can do about it. I literally turned down going to a friends party yesterday where there was going to be a least a few of really attractive women bc I knew I wouldn't be able to capitalize on any of it.
     
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2019
  18. Max666

    Max666 Fapstronaut

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    It's clearly obvious to me you're underselling yourself and that's where you're going wrong. It's not that you're shy, you just dont have enough belief in yourself, you dont tell yourself you're attractive for example and you know girls can smell that a mile away which is what's probably stopping you from approaching them. You gotta assume attraction, like girls are naturally gonna find you attractive and the only way that can happen is if you tell yourself you are.
    Dude, trust me, I used to be like you. I'm not attractive physically and I'm a lot older than the girls I date so I can either say 'why bother' or ask myself 'what makes me attractive...to me'. What traits do you admire about yourself?, are you hardworking, creative, do you look after your health and appearance? Are you a good listener? Start to break it down and you'll find women also find these things attractive. Then worry about the execution. But the confidence thing will make that much easier. See, you're worrying about the execution first, you got it backwards. Confidence first.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  19. And in addition Thelambofdeth, if you make a mistake, and you will, learn from it and keep getting out there and meeting people, men and women. Don’t be so focused on meeting women. Build confidence in meeting everyone.

    I’m getting out from under my rock and working on building confidence. Started very late in life but better late than never.

    I’ve made lots of mistakes, being overly enthusiastic with a couple women who showed interest and scaring them off comes to mind.

    I feel for you Thelambofdeth, but I’m seeing lots of familiar excuses here. Familiar because I used to make those same excuses.

    For me, I’m getting out now and meeting people through the climbing club. Been meeting great men and women. Hope to find a good woman eventually but I’m not focusing on that anymore. I’m focusing on being a better climber, learning how to interact with everyone constructively, and staying in shape physically/mentally.

    ——-

    Find something you’re passionate about and focus on being better at it. Take your mind of women. I think you’ll be surprised by how many more women you’ll meet by not being so focused on them but focused on your interests. This is what’s starting to happen with me.
     
    Fifth Horseman likes this.
  20. Thelambofdeth

    Thelambofdeth Fapstronaut

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    Coincidentally, I'm pretty much all those things. I concern myself with my appearance and fitness to an almost metrosexual amout. As an internet I'm naturally a good listener. I'm very creative and artistic. I'm very hardworking, dedicated and prideful. There are aspects I like about myself. And I know bars aren't the most fruitful place to find women. I are tons of women on dating sites I know I'd connect with, but I never get a chance. I never to a reply or a match bc of my looks.

    https://ibb.co/WW7fDR2
     

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