My story - is there any hope?

Hi guys, it’s been a week I found out about NoFap and this community on reddit. I’m a M29 living by myself in Montreal but originally from South Asia.

I started PMO when I was in grade 5 back in 2001. I never took the situation seriously and my habits got worse over time. I used to watch normal porn before now it has become pretty disgusting. As time went by I used to jack off at least 3 to 4 times a day. Everything turned me on during my teen years. End of High School I had a girlfriend and was still able to perform. During my university had a few encounters but not a long-term girlfriend. Then when I started working dated a girl for three years and performance was inconsistent, but luckily she was kind enough. I had to really get mentally ready to have a sexual encounter because I was always afraid that I’m not gonna get that erection needed for the intercourse. I was at around 60% then.

I have been promising myself that I will quit this habit but you know how it works, I never stopped and it kept on getting worse and worse. I start having a limp penis in the last two years but still never gave up PMO. I reduced the frequency, but I still checked once in a while if my little guy is still functioning and end up PMOing.

When I move to Montreal 2 years back I was single and started looking for partners. I was a bit overweight, which I fixed with a healthy diet and workout.

Finally after trying here and there, met a very cute German girl and eventually led to the bedroom. No matter how much I tried I could not get the reaction, even with Viagara. Eventually she left me for some other guy. And that was last week, since then I have been having suicidal thoughts and I regret what I have done to myself. I have been masturbating for 18 years and I have completely destroyed myself. I have a serious case of PIED/ED with watery semen. I’m not sure if there is any hope for me, I feel suicidal. This forum gives me a little bit of hope but I don’t know how long it will take.

Thank you for reading, please excuse my bad English .