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Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Poland, Dec 3, 2019.

  1. Poland

    Poland Fapstronaut

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    Hey all,
    I'm 51, fit, healthy, and enjoying a happy marriage of 13 years. The one problem: until just a few months ago my wife and I weren't having sex. At all. The longest gap being about 3 years.

    In parallel, I was watching an inordinate amount of Internet porn and masturbating (probably) daily, which only further diminished desire for my wife. I began to experience ED, and worse, I couldn't achieve or maintain an erection, even while watching porn.

    This summer, my wife and I endured a really difficult family crisis, which led to an unexpected (but quite enjoyable) new sexual encounter. We’ve become sexually active again, to our mutual joy! Unfortunately, I am now suffering from ED and DE. I visited a urologist, who prescribed generic ED pills (they worked fine, but the cost per pill was astounding).

    So, I’m having sex again but suffering from both ED and DE. Sigh.

    The good news, communication between my wife and I is suddenly more open and honest, plus our sexual desire has returned! The bad news, I can't maintain an erection during sex or reach climax in a reasonable timeframe. I'm desperately hoping that eliminating all forms of porn and rebooting will help me recover from ED and DE.

    QUESTION: is it acceptable to have sex w/ my wife while I'm avoiding porn and masturbation?
     
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2019
    Deleted Account likes this.
  2. Yes! It is fine to have sex whilst abstaining from porn and masterbation, this is called soft mode reboot.

    I am doing this method with my wife, sometimes I even skip on orgasm to speed up the reboot process.
     
  3. Poland

    Poland Fapstronaut

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    I've definitely been skipping the orgasm due to PIED, unfortunately.

    However, when I used Viagara I was able to maintain a successful erection during sex w/ my wife, which was great. But then I discovered my new problem: DE.

    So, not only do I have porn-related ED but now I also have porn-related DE -- and Viagara provides no solutions for the latter.

    Is anyone else dealing w/ both ED and DE? Does the rebooting help w/ both?
     
  4. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    My husband had both. He no longer has either
     
  5. Poland

    Poland Fapstronaut

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    Nice to meet you Psalm27!

    Your message is such great news. How long did it take your husband to eliminate ED and DE? And did he achieve this via a 90-day reboot? Any info you could share would be awesome!

    Thank you!!
     
  6. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    So, he was already an addict when we married( I had no idea and really he didn’t either lol) and he took forever our first time on our honeymoon. Since he was my first. I didn’t know if that was normal or not. He’s always had de. Then 5 years ago pied. It wasnt until January that I found a site talking about porn addiction and he started his reboot that day. I want to say it took about 30 days? I know by April he was completely over any de or pied, only because we went on vacation for our anniversary so it sticks in my mind. The longest we’ve done hard mode was 50 days. I don’t do well with it. We do hard mode when he starts struggling with his thoughts. Currently doing it again as he is terrified of relapsing and he gets a chaser pretty bad after we have sex. He’s basically been an addict 40 years. Clean almost a year, but he resets if he goes into any middle circle behaviors. Also, maybe tmi, his semen his way different now that he isn’t PMO’ing .
     
  7. Poland

    Poland Fapstronaut

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    That is so encouraging. And thank you greatly for sharing!

    Before joining NoFap, I visited a urologist to diagnose my ED (I didn’t yet know the root cause of my ED was porn). I felt so defeated obtaining ED pills at the pharmacy — I’m only 51, and I dreaded the thought of using pills before sex for the rest of my life. There had to be a better way, right?

    my wife is 100% supportive of this reboot — and the reset process is actually helping to improve our communication and connection overall, which is unexpected and quite wonderful.

    Regarding your semen comment, has the amount or volume has increased? Just wondering what you meant by “different”
     
  8. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Lol, amount, volume, color, texture. All of the above .
     
  9. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Grossed my husband out when I mentioned it, haha he’s definitely the prude in our relationship.
     
  10. MidnightOwl

    MidnightOwl Fapstronaut

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    I found the same with my partner also. Very "watery" near D day. Now back to how it should be.
     
  11. Maybe too obvious, but it seems like with frequent M'ing the quantity of sperm in semen would be reduced, hence the wateriness, different color, etc. Might be useful to observe this for those wondering whether their SO is back in PA!
     
    Psalm27:1my light likes this.
  12. Poland

    Poland Fapstronaut

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    Wow. I was not expecting this added benefit. Very cool!
     

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