Whats relapse like at 60 or 90 days?

I recently relapsed at day 57 hard mode. Only the next 2 days were somewhat challenging. Afterwards I feel like I'm back on track again. So yes, I'm on my next streak.

 

You feel almost nothing physically after 100 days if you relapse - at least in my experience - but that's also incredibly dangerous because it gives you an "excuse" to relapse: "oh, if I just do it once I won't feel that bad anyway". It shouldn't be about the physical withdrawal symptoms, it should be about getting PMO out of your life forever to better yourself both physically AND mentally.

And what's more is after a long streak when you fuck up there's that temptation to just binge and forget about NoFap for a while. I've never given in that far but I know people who have, going from a place of relative power against their addiction to being right back at square one.

 

You are so right about the temptation to throw in the towel after a binge. I can only speak for myself, but once I get to a high point of confidence ("90 days! I've got this!") I am most prone to fall or be, as you say, back to square one. At least I didn't despair and was determined to learn from my failure. But I am sure a lot of guys are convinced that one failure means they are incapable of success. It's a shame. I think you'd agree they can do it. Not easy. But they - we - really can.

 

I think i'd be crushed. I hated myself for resetting after even 14 days. I thought that when I reach something like 30 days it would be too much for me to risk, but reading this thread I guess i need to get there to find out.
I'll let you know in 26 days.

 

I had 3 huge relapses ( after 100 days ) . Each of it crushed me down for a long time . Recovery was slow and painful . Temptation was higher than imaginable. Not good experience at all . Yah ...i learned many things for myself ..but the most important thing to learn was , that one innocent peak has the power to ruin months hard work

 

The hardest thing for me relapsing at over 100 days was telling my circle that I had relapsed. I was the first to get on NoFap so I became the leader of the gang and the shame was the roughest thing. From a NoFap perspective, very little changes with a relapse at a late stage of reboot, the chaser effect can be overwhelming though

 

I relapsed after 306 days. I wanted to. I thought I had my addiction so much under control, that I could handle it. The relapse felt great, in the sense of letting the inner beast roam free again after having it restricted tightly for months. That's the part that felt great I mean, that sense of freedom. The sexual pleasure was very average. Nothing special. I'm only interested in "porn addict brainwash" videos, the rest bores me any way. So that's what I watched off and on for about two weeks, knowing it's the worst stuff I could watch and that it really damages my life and sets me back. Unfortunately it took a while before I could start seeing it again for what it is. A 2-dimensional waste of time.
In the last week I kept telling myself, should I PMO again with that stuff, sure I can do it, but then I should also have the guts to go all the way and end my life. Because that's where this path leads. There's only three options: Fulfill my dreams, give in to failure and total porn consumption (sweetened by drugs) followed by suicide, or try to fulfill my dreams and keep sabotaging myself with porn and weed and stay average forever. The last option to me is the worst one by far and insufferable.
So really I only have two choices. Watch porn and kill myself or not watch it.
I know it sounds extreme. A part of me thinks that too. But most of my spirit understands that that's the truth.

So was it worth killing my streak? I think that's the wrong question. The better question would be what does it take to stop forgetting? What does it take to keep my orientation firmly on my goals? What kind of motivation will run deep enough? Not only to forget about porn, but to always get up on time, to give 120% every day, not just three days a week.
To be honest I don't know yet. All I know for sure is, that that's what it comes down to. Your why in life. If you have a good one, you can conquer the world, if you have a weak one you'll keep forgetting. And when you're aimless you fill your time with stupid shit and self-devour.

 

You need to have some strong discipline in order to start a new streak straight away.
I had a 57 day streak about a year ago, it took me a lot of time to get back on the track.
(a lot of ups and downs and sht)
I'd say that in most of the cases it's a "game over" but it's up to you

 

I think relapsing and trying again is part of the process. For some, that path will lead either to more time wasting and relapsing because they fail to learn from their errors. For others, it will lead to a path that is probably more difficult: One that leaves PMO behind and results in an overall stronger, better, and wiser man. I totally agree that you can't just focus on quitting when it's convenient - it has to be part of your agenda, all day every day.

 

Depends what you mean by learning. If we were driven by knowledge the world would be paradise. But we're driven by dreams/stories. Many of them contradicting each other like good and evil. So it's not that we relapse because we forgot that it's bad or because we didn't "learn our lesson" last time. It's more like the dream of PMO was stronger inside us in that moment than the dream of fulfilling our potential. And I don't think we can lay that at the hands of the PMO dream. Because that story is always the same, porn is always the same shit. It's more or less a constant desire. What fluctuates is the "main" story we tell about ourselves and who we want to be.
I used to think one can devalue porn, think less of it and make it easier not to touch it. I was wrong. Porn is what it is and will stay like that forever. The addict's brain won't forget how good it feels.
If you want to have it out of your life you need to have another dream in place that takes up all the space. You need something that feels even better. That's the only way. And when that healthy dream doesn't feel better on a consistent basis, like it did for me when I relapsed, well you're in danger of swapping targets.

That's why I'm saying it comes down to the why. Let's take Buster Douglas for example, the first man to beat Mike Tyson. Mike Tyson's why to win that fight was "continue to stay champion". Buster Douglas' why was "fulfill the wish of my dead mother, who told everybody that I'm going to beat Mike Tyson". One why was stronger than the other. And that shit is going on inside us as well, each of our dreams have why's behind them. That's what drives us.
So how can we supercharge the right kind of why? Make it stronger, run deeper, increase it's authority? If I knew how I wouldn't have relapsed.

 

Again, very powerful stuff. I am glad I read your posts today.

 

It's hell. Relapses after 60 or 90 days are difficult enough, but relapses after 4 or more months are on another level. With that being said, relapses are part of the recovery process. I relapsed countless times in last 25 years, some of the streaks were longer than 90 days, the worst one was the last one after more than 6 months lasting hardmode abstention. That one really broke me mentally and physically. On the other hand it was a true blessing, because it made me truly realize (and admit to myself) that I had serious underlying unresolved issues that led me to binge addiction and that this issues would most probably lead me to suicide if left unchecked. This forced me to question and reevaluate every aspect of my life (including my beliefs), disassemble it bit by bit and start rebuilding it on a more solid foundation.

 

I think what you are saying is really brave and honest. You are also wise enough to see how this kind of suffering can also lead one to enlightenment of a certain kind if one is open to it. Maybe truth is something like this: We can never totally be free of the addiction, but there is a genuine nobility and maturity in never giving up.