19/11/2019 I feel the need to write something here, yet I have no idea what to say. I am on day 24 now. I can't see the edge of the desert yet but I hold on to the promise that there is an oasis somewhere nearby. My libido has subsided and the urges or cravings are getting weaker by the day. I still know to NEVER let my guard down as anything can happen in a moments time. I am not sure what the other guys mean by the flatline. (Is it just low libido or the inability to get an erection?) The last time me and my wife where intimate I was unable to O but could still hold a erection. So, don't know if that counts as flatline?? I started waking up at 5 am in the mornings. Sometimes I exercise other days I just do the cold shower and go straight into Bible Study. I think the greatest benefit so far of this whole experience is the fact that I don't feel that huge amount of guilt when I go to Father God. I feel my heart is changing and that I feel more excited by the things God that a month ago. My heart feels Lighter... Strange thing is, the Nofap forum has been feeling very quite the last week. Maybe its just me? Anyway, let me stop rambling on... Cheers for now
23/11/2019 This week went by so fast that I still feel I am stuck on Tuesday but my calendar says its Saturday . Last night I had a couple of beers with one of my oldest friends and after a while I gathered enough courage to tell him my whole story. I have never told anyone outside the online community and I don't know why but I thought it would be like a burden being lifted from my shoulders. Instead I feel regret that I told someone. He was very supportive and even told me of his experience with porn. I dont know maybe it's just the feeling of being exposed that I am not used to. Other than that things are going well. My morning routine is making a major difference and I can feel how my relationship with God is slowly becoming stronger. The cold showers are still something to get used to but it is doing me good. Urges are still surfacing every now and then but they are getting weaker and passing quicker. I think a major thing is not to entertain the thought but to distract your mind as soon as it pops up! That it for this week!
19/12/09 It has been a while since I wrote something here. 66 days ago I started this journey and since then I had one relapse. I am now on my longest streak ever, 44 days clean. There is such a strange conflict within me where I feel these urges to go back one last time, yet at the same time I want to stay away from P as far as possible. One thing however is that my mind keeps reminding me of this one P star and I cannot get her of my mind. I guess there are lots of different stages to this healing process. This is uncharted territory for me as I have never been clean so long. At least I can say that my relationship with God has improved as I no longer feel the shame to go into His presence. That is the biggest reason I refuse to fall back again. I have to press through even harder no matter what comes ahead!!
It's simple: No matter what is in your mind, do not choose to view P or to MO. Once you are solid on that, you will know the next step to take. The ultimate goal is to get your mind and heart free of all unhelpful sexual thinking. This comes through the practice of mental discipline via the self-control of the Spirit. It takes time. You are on your way! Stay committed to no P and no MO, no matter what, and you will continue to make progress. Going back "one last time" is a lie from the enemy that will not end well, I assure you.
