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Romantic numbness

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Beatus, Dec 10, 2019.

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  1. Dec 10, 2019 #1
    Beatus

    Beatus Fapstronaut

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    Morning/Afternoon/Evening everyone,

    I got out of a realtionship that lasted just under a year this September, 2 weeks after going back to Uni. It had been going pretty bad during the summer, and naively I thought that things woukd improve once we'd meet each other again... But they didn't. So I broke it off.
    Since then, I was seeing a girl for just under a month, but she left as she had personal issues to work (which i totally understand).
    Since then, i realised I need to work on myself; part of the reason why my previous relationships failed was that I couldn't love myself, so i counted on my partners to do it for me, and unconsciously expected them to love me unconditionnally, which of course led to the implosion of the relationship.
    Now that I have noticed this pattern and could trace back its origin, i am now working on loving myself. I work out 5 days a week, take cold showers, meditate more, go to church, and of course no PMO.
    However, I realised lately that I have way less interactions with women than I used to. It hit me recently that I actually had very few female friends or girls to hang out with.
    I feel as if I have lost this "romantic" appetite... And I won't lie, this scares me. I am only 20, but feeling this sudden drop in libido and not feeling the desire to be in a relationship is new and quite worrying. I understand this is probably best for me, and really being into stoicism atm I can safely say that I am applying the principles rigorously, but I feel like I'm becoming more mature, almost too mature for my age in this regard. There are so many women to appreciate and love! Yet I am not interested in a single one of them.
    Is anyone else in the same position? I'm sorry but I can't exactly define what I am expecting from this thread. Just some place to exchange similar experiences, getting the feelin that I am not alone in this.
     
    Beatus, Dec 10, 2019
    Beatus, Dec 10, 2019
    #1
    Deleted Account, Wordinhaler, BrettyBoy and 1 other person like this.
  2. Dec 11, 2019 #2
    NF SINCE BIRTH

    NF SINCE BIRTH Fapstronaut
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    Loving yourself is so very important. I am struggling with it myself. After years in mental health care I know some tips which might help a little.

    1. Threat yourself like you would threat a girl friend. Take yourself out to dates, nice dinners, the movies. Make yourself nice food once in a while.

    2. Practice loving kindness. My fav meditation:

    Start with directing loving kindness at yourself. You cant really love anyone else without loving yourself first. That's what unconditional love is all about. When you feel so full of joy that you have to go out and share it with the world, you are getting somewhere.

    3. The romantic appetite you are mentioning, I am certain that that is related to your PMO habit. Its quite logical actually. You are wasting your sexual energy on pixels. Your sex drive is one of natures most powerful forces. Think about it: Organisms have been reproducing for 4 billion years without any problems. There is no reason why you should struggle. Stop using PMO and your sex drive will make things happen for you. You cant stop it. You will suddenly find yourself chasing girls left and right.
     
    NF SINCE BIRTH, Dec 11, 2019
    NF SINCE BIRTH, Dec 11, 2019
    #2
    Beatus and Metis07 like this.
  3. Dec 11, 2019 #3
    Fullyawake

    Fullyawake Fapstronaut

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    I have a numbness now, too. I want a partner, but everyone I meet I fail to have a connection with. Chemistry. I want a partner...but I’m not going to force something I don’t feel. It’s depressing.
     
    Fullyawake, Dec 11, 2019
    Fullyawake, Dec 11, 2019
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    NF SINCE BIRTH and Beatus like this.
  4. Dec 11, 2019 #4
    Beatus

    Beatus Fapstronaut

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    One of the best pieces of advice a friend have me, was that you'll never find what you're chasing. Things in life, whether it be money, women, fame, come and go, often outside of your control. Let things happen, no use getting tired chasing them.
     
    Beatus, Dec 11, 2019
    Beatus, Dec 11, 2019
    #4
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.
  5. Dec 11, 2019 #5
    Beatus

    Beatus Fapstronaut

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    Thank your for your message. Thank you especially for that meditation video. I usually don't do guided meditations but this one really resonated with me.
     
    Beatus, Dec 11, 2019
    Beatus, Dec 11, 2019
    #5
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.

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