Any PMO addict got married?

Marriage isn't all about sex dude. It's a lifelong partnership that continues on long after both of you have the sex drive of a wet noodle. If you meet someone who truly is (close enough to) perfect for you, they should be supportive of your fight against PMO addiction - and you should love them in a much deeper sense than simply their body.

But because of this you definitely shouldn't get married just because your parents want you to. You can get married when you find someone right for you: if you rush getting married you're going to end up with an unhappy, toxic relationship and possible divorce.

 

As valuable as the insights on this website can sometimes be, there is not enough support or help here to solve your immediate problem. If it’s time for your adult life to start and your childhood to end you may want to get some additional professional help in trying to kick the habit. It would not be fair to anyone you would marry to sign on knowing in advance you can’t fulfill your marital vows. But if that’s what you truly want you can do it, no excuses.

 

Work on yourself first.

Marrying a woman while having an ongoing porn addiction is the absolute cruelest thing you can do to her. As a wife, I would die rather than subjecting myself to that again.

 

I completely agree with the first line and partly agree to the second.

To build a good relationship both parts need to provide a steady foundation. One cannot hope for the other to provide their part. It's the same thing with lack of self confidence and for that matter destructive thoughts of lonelyness and desperation for company. These problems will not go away just because you find yourself a partner.

With that said I think it's important not to be too harsh when judging oneself. I mean he can't hope for reaching perfection because he will never ever get there. There will always be parts of him that are bad, parts that his future partner will need to deal with in some sense - as for everyone of us.

Of course there are levels of what is and isn't acceptable. If he can go up to 150 days of not watching P, his problem is likely cured with some support from a healthy relationship. Keep in mind most men in relationships struggle with occational P, and they still manage to work it out.

I would probably say the biggest problem in this matter isn't the addiction itself but the guilt and self blaming (because that is what he deals with daily). What I'm trying to convey is that he probably needs to figure out what is causing these feelings and why he is drawn to P in the first place. THAT should definetely be dealt with before entering a relationship.

The best thing one can do is to be open and honest with your parner about your flaws, and leave it up to the partner if it's worth while sticking around with.

However you should definetely want a marriage for yourself, and not marry someone just because it is the will of your parents...

 

What is it that you partly agree on?

Lying to your partner about porn use is always wrong. No one is expecting a perfect partner, but everyone is expecting an honest partner. Getting married during an ongoing addiction (without telling your spouse) is deceitful, fraudulent and abusive. It's robbing a woman of time she could have spent with someone else who would ultimately make her happy.

 

I never said it was OK to keep it hidden. Like I said in my post; the best thing one can do is to tell one's future partner about this issue. I thought it was obvious that I meant BEFORE having a relationship with this person.

I partly agree on that you shouldn't get into a relationship with a heavy addiction of any kind. If you watch P on a regular basis you are probably not ready to make a commitment to another person and this will of course bring problems into the relationship. If you have long streaks of not watching but it still happens sometimes, you are probably not completely rid of your problem but there's a good chance that it won't affect your future relationship. And I still think it is important to tell your partner-to-be of your issue if it's still occuring.

I just think that you are overlooking something when you make out P to be the worst thing that a relationship ever can experience.
I appreciate that YOU might be particularily sensitive about P because of your story, but that doesn't make it true for everyone.

P is a sexual offense against your partner, but P is not the only sexual offense you can commit. There are several others that you can commit in your mind (both men and women) which also to the very same extent as a p-addicted man will bring the relationship to a halt. There are also countless of things you can bring into a relationship that will wreck it, such as bitterness and not caring enough to entertain it (stop showing affection to your partner etc) - these things are very common in women and are completely overlooked. Again, exactly the same result as with P.

1: Don't hide stuff.
2: Deal with your problems before you make them someone else's.
3: Accept that no one is innately good.

I also think you need to intercept that everyone is here because they hate porn and want to rid themselves of it. It's a sickness, an addiction. The people suffering from this are in bondage against their own will and most of them probably started out watching it because the men and women of society say it's normal and healthy. So don't be so quick with bashing on us. Maybe you will find more comfort in a support group for people who has been hurt..

 

Confident you can deal with addiction AFTER you marry? If you aren’t motivated to do it before so as to enter the marriage with a clear conscience and being physically committed to the new marriage I think you may be totally deceiving yourself. And that would be fine, you can tell yourself anything you want, we all rationalize, but your wife, whose life you risk messing up, also has a vote.