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29 years old. Disabled since birth. Basically a shut-in.

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by MikePapaCharlieSierra, Dec 16, 2019.

  1. MikePapaCharlieSierra

    MikePapaCharlieSierra Fapstronaut

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    I've had a neuromuscular disease since birth. Confined to a wheelchair for the last 23 years of my life. A lack of being able to build muscle has caused physical deformities that have caused even further health issues.

    I had friends in grade school, but have been basically isolated since my bipolar mother pulled me out of school in the 8th grade. I had a couple friends in my highschool years but lost contact with them when I movedo of state. My "friends" since then have of paid caregivers who did not stay in touch with me after they left the job.

    I don't know what to do to stay mentally healthy. I don't want to watch porn. I want a relationship, but I'm losing all hope that it will ever happen . I can't exercise. I can't leave the house to make friends and be sociable. I can't do all the things people advise you to do to be healthy. I'm just physically able enough to be self destructive.

    I don't even know what to do to reach out for help with this. Understand that I'm not typically a person who whines or complains. But it's getting to be unbearable. I let a a caregiver "friend", who I finally started to feel comfortable with, know that I've been feeling lonely and depressed. They seemed to listen, but the very next shift they let me know they can't work with me anymore and basically gave me a list of reasons of why I'm not worth their time. What the fuck am I doing wrong? I don't know what to do and I think I'm starting to lose. I'm afraid of what's going to happen. This isn't even about nofap anymore it's about surviving. I'm absolutely convinced that if I had any support at all I could quit it, but at this point it's the only source of relaxation I have. I don't want to give up. I need help.
     
    JS44471, zusya, minitasks and 18 others like this.
  2. MikePapaCharlieSierra

    MikePapaCharlieSierra Fapstronaut

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  3. RandomStrangerOnEarth

    RandomStrangerOnEarth Fapstronaut

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    Hmm, tricky situation definitely for sure. I guess this might sound strange but maybe try reaching out on any social media platforms you have and see anyone on your list that you added from previous experiences whether it was once close or just because you heard of them. Make an open post on your profile, share how you really feel including the loneliness, and that you're welcomed to talk to anyone through your dms or to eventually visit up at your place. I'm sure most would understand the circumstances.
     
  4. Hey man, thanks for sharing. I've been using the internet passively for a decade and between pornhub and netflix and meme compilations it has definitely numbed my brain and fucked with my soul and I have always had the hopeless earthbound romantic attitude toward technology- that it's pretty much all toxic shite... However, between discovering this forum and cutting out drinking and drugging from my life, I'm seeing that there is sincere profound potential for connection and a sense of tribe and community via online forums and stuff. I've been using the internet actively and actually participating online for the last half a year or so and between making some awkward and honest facebook posts after reducing my fb friend count and messaging old friends and fam, consciously using youtube to listen to voices that speak to me, staying active on NoFap and exploring online philosophy forums, I have definitely revised my black and white opinions on cyberspace and for me it has been turning into a source of connection rather than isolation. Easier said than done, thas for fuckin sure, but I think there's a lotta potential here and wherever you have other interests online to find the other hoomans that you can relate with! And shit, my coworker was just telling me a story the other day about meeting someone from like five states away online and she ended up in our area last year and they hung out and had a good old time, so ya never know I guess, but anyway I wish you buckets of luck man, I know that "keep your head up" shite gets old and if you can't, ya can't... But I think a subtle yet steady lean forward, toward whatever would make life worth living, does inevitably work if you can keep taking the deep breaths and patience to keep movin forward. I wish ya well.
     
  5. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

    Shit bro, reading your story makes me feel I'm one lucky motherfucker. Can you go steven hawking on your situation? He made the most out of it. It doesn't have to be what he did it can be charity - narrating audiobooks for example or working online? join a nursing home where other people are in wheelchair - that way yiou will have people who understand you, not someone who is paid to take care of you. IDK man, fuck and i complain bout my job... which fairly well p[aid and stressful at times.
     
  6. MikePapaCharlieSierra

    MikePapaCharlieSierra Fapstronaut

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    Hey everyone. I was feeling especially overwhelmed by life when I posted, and I genuinely appreciate the support. I'm not really sure where I will go from here, but I'll be sticking around to participate in the community. I felt like my post would just be me screaming into the ether, so it was a surprise to see the supportive understanding comments. Thank you
     
  7. Drkand

    Drkand Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing your testimony, never read anything as powerful in the forum. have you found anyone with similar conditions as you? social networks can really make it not hard to find. Talking to someone shares the same disease would probably change your paradigm.
     
    Deleted Account and ivanhoe like this.
  8. I am not expert but this sounds like good advice.
    There are certainly more destructive vices - (Drugs, alcohol abuse) but in the long run it only increases your sense of isolation. Even people who can get out of the house drop their passions, their hobbies, their relationships, they become 'shut ins' ... the literally forge their own chains...
    Obviously you have extenuating circumstances -but the sense of loneliness is a near- universal problem now - more of us are more lonely than ever...
    do you mean you can't do any exercises at all? what do your doctors /physical therapists recommend?
    When you say you're a shut in, do you mean you can't leave the house at all or it's just difficult (you need assistance, etc)?

    I know this might sound like pollyanna advice but .. beyond the obvious of being healed -given your circumstances if you could make your what you wanted - what would it be like?

    and welcome to the forum, if you want to change, you'll find people who want to support you!
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  9. MikePapaCharlieSierra

    MikePapaCharlieSierra Fapstronaut

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    Yep. I know about these two. Same disability actually. It gave me hope at one time, but after a couple years of watching his stuff and talking to dozens of other people with SMA, I've realized his situation is more than rare and not easily duplicated. I don't want belittle any of his success. He's very smart and has worked really hard. But he also has extremely supportive friends and family that help do what he wants to do. I definitely do not.

    And Hannah is just one in a billion. She messaged him through his blog and that's how they started dating. That's lucky for anyone, disabled or not.
     
    Booksandtrees likes this.
  10. MikePapaCharlieSierra

    MikePapaCharlieSierra Fapstronaut

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    I'm completely reliant on people to help me get out of the house. I have an accessible vehicle but need someone to drive it. I'm too far from the city for public transportation or ADA transit services. I'm hoping for Uber or Lyft to bring accessible vehicles to my area someday, but it may only ever be available in major cities.

    As far as exercise. I can do stretches with assistance, but it's not like I can call anyone up and say, "I need to stretch ASAP I have an urge to watch porn!"
     
  11. I understand...
    in an ideal world, beyond the obvious of healing - is there anything you can think of to make things better -for me - and i know our situations are different!- i was turning away or getting less interested in my hobbies and 'passions' - because like someone drinking themselves to death(i had /have a problem with that too) i was neglecting things I liked doing and feeding my addiction - they say rats in a cage hooked on dopamine will starve themselves to death and neglect their young..

    so are there other things you liked to do that you may have been neglecting or might not seem alluring now because of the pull of pmo?
     
  12. Virginiachif

    Virginiachif New Fapstronaut

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    I am so sorry that you have to struggle with physical and mental pain. I hope everything will get better with time. You deserve so much more. It hurts seeing how people are discriminated against because they are born different.
     
  13. Rather than focus on that stuff, what is it that you CAN do?

    Isn't there something that you can work towards achieving?
     
  14. MitchA

    MitchA Fapstronaut

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    Can you reach out to others with your condition?

    And, my next statement is harsh, but please hear me out and let me get to the point.

    It took me a long time to realize I wasn't special, and no one really is. It doesn't sound like you try to use your condition as a crutch, and that is something laudible.

    What I mean by me, you, anyone not being special is that I find when I have a thought, feeling...desire...or inclination to try something new, so do a TON of other people. We're unique individuals in very few ways. And that means one: there are others out there in your exact predicament. There is someone facing some of your same problems, for almost identical reasons.

    Perhaps instead of viewing your situation as bad, and trust me...it sounds awful and you do have my sympathy....you can try viewing it as an opportunity. An opportunity to find ways to help those who are experiencing what you currently are. I don't know how you do that, but you stike me as an intelligent individual.
     
    nerdy_owl likes this.
  15. StirFry

    StirFry Fapstronaut

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    My man, you've come to the right place, that's for sure. We're all going through a struggle, you more so than others but the fact you made this thread shows you haven't given up. I don't know how women do it, but me, I believe in always supporting your fellow man especially in these trying times.

    See, you've spent so much time dwelling on your inability to do this, that, and whatever because of your medical condition that you might've lost perspective of what you can do. For instance, a friend who has your exact same disease went into linguistics. She can now speak and read Swedish fluidly. Took a few months but it's something. So she slapped it on a resume, and while the skill might not be related to whatever job, the achievement itself shows a high degree of competency.

    What I'm saying is there are niche avenues you can take to broaden your horizon. Linguistics is one, coding is another, maybe even literature, journalism, a myriad of hobbies and skills that eventually lead into communities. Granted, this is all easier said then done but I'm not here to wag my finger and say "Do this this and that." Nay nay because I know a few apps, books, whatever I can refer you to to help you along if you choose to follow one of the paths I listed.

    You first need to take the steps to strengthen yourself spiritually, emotionally and learn to thrive as a man. Again, your situation is harsh but not impossible to overcome. All these people who visited your thread, read your story are here to remind you all is not lost. There are options, there are treatments to your depression and loneliness. All these treatments and suggestions lead to a happier, more fulfilling life. With that life your future wife will come but first you must want more for yourself.

    If at any time your heart is hurting and you need a chum, my inbox is always open. I don't get on NoFap much but I do check my gmail fairly regularly.

    So all that said, you're not alone, you do matter and we're all here to remind you of both and show you how we all want and wish for you to persevere in life.

    Cheers!
     
  16. health life

    health life Fapstronaut

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    It's a sad life. I cannot give you advice. I don't know how to do.
     
  17. It looks like this user has not been on for a couple of years. Unfortunately the way the internet is today people seem to be easily distracted, and supportive relationships take time to develop. I'm not blaming him, it's just sort of how everyone is online today, but it wasn't always that way and people met long term friends online in the past.
     
    health life likes this.
  18. astronautfrompompei

    astronautfrompompei Fapstronaut

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    can you go out? You need to become more social and build a social life (read 'social' by lieberman, if you're curious why you HAVE to have social happenings around you to be happy)

    for depression, a therapist can help
     

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