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My girlfriend doesnt understand, please help

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by KingB1998, Nov 24, 2019.

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  1. Jeff Boyder

    Jeff Boyder Fapstronaut

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    Well, that's most guys, even if they don't do porn or masturbate. I fell in love, but I never asked the girl any special requests(sexual). She left, and she then told me that she had loved me the whole time. I told her that I loved her, but she didn't say so until it was too late. Did I mention that she also happens to be addicted to porn? Oh and by left I mean physically left, she moved. Otherwise we would have probably gotten back together, which I'm not sure would've been too good. I received a calling to the priesthood earlier this year, so if I was back with her I'd probably regret it and be sad. I'm sorry, I went completely off topic. Uh, well as I was saying, guys are just really shy, believe it or not. Most won't ask for anything either because they're nervous or because they're being respectful. And then the majority of guys don't know how to take hints either, for example me. For some guys it literally takes a girl on top of him for him to realize what she's trying to hint. Funny, huh? It seems you struggled with your husband through his addiction. How did you help him overcome it?
     
  2. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Overcome it? He decided he didn’t want to be an addict any more. He is very knowledgeable about addictions/addicts because of his job. However, he never ( we never) even knew it was an addiction. In January I stumbled on a betrayal trauma site on Facebook. I started doing some research, then showed him and he started his reboot that day. By February we found a csat, and he started attending saa and a private sa group. We, sat down and told our kids ( 16,19,21). Went to our pastor, talked with him. My husband went to his boss and told him, because he needed to put blockers on his phones and iPad from work. Made his boss one of his accountability partners. Told his boss he could no longer be the person handling the twitter account. I’m here for him if he needs to talk. He’s done disclosure w/polygraph and knows that if I think he’s lying I’ll spring another on him. My only boundary was no lies. I deserve the truth no matter what. Honestly though, he’s doing everything he can because he now understands what he’s fighting and what he needs to do to be clean.
     
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  3. Jeff Boyder

    Jeff Boyder Fapstronaut

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    I'm glad for you. And you just proved my point in the past of saying the truth no matter what. Thank you for that. I really hope he, and you (should I say emotionally?), can heal entirely from this disease. God bless you, have a good night
     
    Psalm27:1my light likes this.
  4. olsen

    olsen Fapstronaut

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    you need to tell her about all your problems. if she doesn’t understand, then you better leave.
     
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  5. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    I'm really, really sad for you. You're scared as a dog of life. Your life is gonna end up in a really bad place.
     
  6. Jeff Boyder

    Jeff Boyder Fapstronaut

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    Well I hate to disagree. If I didn't have my faith, I would already have killed myself. I am happy as can be, because I know that Jesus will save me and other firm believers. I'm not scared of life or death. If God said that now was my time, I would gladly say yes. No, I'm not afraid for my life, I'm afraid for yours.
     
  7. Jeff Boyder

    Jeff Boyder Fapstronaut

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    You may be right, however. My life may end up in a TERRIBLE spot, but you know what? If that's what it takes to go to heaven, then go ahead and nail me to a cross.
     
  8. KingB1998

    KingB1998 Fapstronaut

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    For the person who thought i was a child (i am 21). In every relationship i had, it always ended because i couldnt have sex with the girls. Oral and with hands wasnt enough for them. That hurted my confidence and made it harder each time i tried again, and i tried and i tried because i had hope that it would magically work one day. But it didnt. My ex didnt have enough fun or how you would call it, she just needed a working d*ck, because she feels like sex is a big part of love. I hurt het confidence about herself because i cant have a erection. I quit watching porn and fapping for 2 weeks now. What else can i do to make it work quicker, because i dont feel any difference (maybe i just want it too quick). I am not even sure if PIED is what i have, but i tried everything else.

    So again, what can i do to make it work?

    King Baard
     
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  9. KingB1998

    KingB1998 Fapstronaut

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    And i forgot to mention:

    I dont feel anything when i am with someone, i dont feel the sexual feeling or erotic feeling (sorry i dont know how to describe). It feels like when i touch my skin on my arm for instance, but nothing more.
     
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  10. thelitfit1

    thelitfit1 Fapstronaut

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  11. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Unfortunately you grew up feasting on unrealistic sexual fantasy. Your brain developed while watching porn. It is going to take a while for it to heal. You dont feel anything for real women because you used porn as a substitute and that’s what you trained your brain to respond to. I don’t think there is a quick fix or an easy way to heal yourself. Not only do you need to quit pmo, you need to control your thoughts as well, not allowing yourself to fantasize. That’s where it gets really difficult. If you can talk to your girlfriend , maybe she will be on board with hard mode.
     
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  12. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    Man i respect your faith but you're a bit overreacting now. Nobody is asking you to die right now. You're not jesus. You're just too scared to deal with the other sex, that's it.
    I've been in that spot before, i'm not judging.
    But talking this epic narrative to yourself will not make the problem disappear.
     
  13. Jeff Boyder

    Jeff Boyder Fapstronaut

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    And who said I was Jesus? I never said that. Besides, I am not capable of struggling half of what he did. You clearly did not understand my reference, because I was referring to martyrdom. Many of his followers died on the cross, and so I would be willing to follow them into heaven in a similar way. Scared to deal with women? Hmm, I think you may be imagining things. And an epic narrative?!? Wtf man? My life is but an epic narrative. Either you are imagining things again, or you are genuinely jealous of me. I have no idea why you would be jealous of me, but hey, I'm not the one that said I was scared of women and told an epic narrative about myself.
     
  14. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    Honestly man, i've struggled that much in my life to achieve a healthy and satisfactory sexual life that i really can't be jealous of you couse i know the hell you're going thru lol
     
  15. Jeff Boyder

    Jeff Boyder Fapstronaut

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    Then why the hell did you say those things? You don't just go assuming things about people!
     
  16. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    Didn't mean to hurt you, i just wanted to give you a different point of view rather than the usual "don't worry, you'll be okay" or the "you're doing good" one.

    Because thats what i used to say to myself, and i was doing anything but good, wasting nearly half of my twenties in this loop.
     
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  17. Jeff Boyder

    Jeff Boyder Fapstronaut

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    I can see what you mean. I get into loops as well. So let's say I'm at the peak of working out, right? Well, I crash and then I get to the peak again. Again and again and again. While I don't desire to have a sexual life, I desire to have happiness just like anyone else. You are right, I am going through "hell".
     
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  18. lost_bunny877

    lost_bunny877 New Fapstronaut

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    I have to chime in. I HAVE TO.

    my boyfriend has an addiction that I didnt know about. and it was slowly destroying our relationship. all the negative thoughts was slowly eating me away. I felt unattractive and unloved and etc..

    we had nearly 0 sex, and he refused to open up. he has DE because of his M addictions. I would be hurt when he chose to M instead of making love when I'm lying right next to him (do u know how hurting it is?) making it worse, my sex drive is high but he refuses to touch me sexually.

    we are very loving on the outside.. but inside, I was dying week by week. until we nearly broke up. thst was when he revealed he might have an addiction.

    he finally became vulnerable and was honest. sat me down and explained it to me. I'm not saying every girl can understand. we are in our 30s and probably more matured. I understood the problem, accepted it, and now we are working on it. I do not see him as less of a man. I see him as more for being able to admit a deep rooted problem that causes him much shame. I felt we grew closer when he shared his secret with me.

    if he continued to hide it, I would have been confused, hurt and would have probably left. intimacy is important to us women. it's not just sex. its about connection physically. its where we feel that we are lusted after, how attractive we are, and how much of our attraction is reciprocated.

    so DO NOT LIE AND BE HONEST TO YOUR OTHER HALF. if she cannot understand, then see if u are being vulnerable or defensive. if she cannot accept, then consider If this is someone u want to spend your life with.
     
  19. treborn

    treborn Fapstronaut

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    then, since you insist so much I will answer, but you know that I will NOT answer any more of your posts, since we go into conversational quicksand and no one will be able to get out alive, especially with all the utmost respect with religious who live sexuality in a certain typeand with a certain mindset, and with a woman that with the utmost respect I repeat are completely different from us, and very often you women think A say B and do C, so what you say I don't care much about it ,then first of all I said that having a problem of pornaddiction is something that lowers your "value" of man and it's true I'm sorry, you never thought this of your boyfriend? in fact it should be so these things are perceived on a subconscious level, you have a addiction?lower your value?si,you get dumped by your girlfriend 100%?obviously NO,and I never said such a thing,so before you speak please read well what I told you before you say your assumptions,we come to some points important, women have a way of reasoning emotional type, while we men of the logical type,if our girlfriend has a problem of addiction and does not want to have sex with us,OFTEN,we realize that the problem is not ours but his, you women instead think the opposite, think something like "here's prefer M instead of having sex with me", despite being aware of his problem, always in 100% of cases this thing?no,but in the vast majority of cases yes, you can not say one thing just because YOU have experienced that situation differently from other people,very often people leave because of porn addiction and it happens much more than you think,I hope you can solve your problem as soon as possible because not only porn but all addictions are a monstrous thing,but suppose your fiancé continues to have ED problems, and that sex is something bad, you will continue to be together just because you love him?please don't make me laugh thinking something like "certain". Now your boyfriend has been very lucky to have met you, because you have the intelligence to have discovered these things like porn addiction and the problems it entails, but a lot of people watch porn thinking they're good for your health and in the meantime the their sexual situation is destroyed, and the beauty is that they don't even know why!often people have a closed mind and I read a lot of posts of people confessing to their girlfriends and that they react not really well, feeling still unsexy and often get dumped after a short time,I'm sorry but addictions bring bad things. I've never said that keeping the secret is a good idea, I'd be stupid to think of such a thing, but often talking about these problems to a woman involves more trouble than you have, you have a problem ? you take out your balls and solve it,said this the guy of this post can do what he wants but I'm sure of one thing,if he does there is a risk of making his girlfriend feel like a real shit and there is a real risk of making even more of the relationship you have, and last point as mentioned before ,this will be my last answer I repeat that I no longer intend to argue I have a kind of thought, you ask you to respect it and not to believe it's all a just because you have had a different experience from other people, I wish you the best during this journey.
     
  20. Jeff Boyder

    Jeff Boyder Fapstronaut

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    I
    I Literally have no idea what you said
     

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