Day 27, but a lifetime

Three days to go and my month is over.
Did a 50 day streak before this, so its a 77 day, with a single relapse in between.

The reason why I am sharing this with you is because I want you to know how it feels when you break the limits. My skin's changed. I got my cheekbone muscles back. My palms are red, though I am still skinny, but I don't feel like being one. My eyes ain't sore anymore. And I am giving myself more time. I eat healthy. Look healthy. Brush my hair, trim my beard, make myself feel good. Because I got my life back when I stopped it.

But, the thing is, today, I am going to keep this post focused on the social part of your life. The communication, the confidence, the charisma, everything! Because, the tide's turned for me since the day I went off the hook.

The first week of going off, was easy. Same old drama. Same old life. I read posts. Thought maybe feel better after a week. But I didn't. Two weeks in, no change. Except for the fact, that a girl started to like me around that time. And I sorta fell for her. Pushing to half of three weeks, I was sitting on my seat. The Computer was open. There were plenty of video games on it. But I didn't feel like playing em. So i turned it off and started walking around the house. New, it felt new. I don't know why. Suddenly, the video games felt like crap. And so did the TV. I wanted something new. Something more. Something else. Something to do. For the first time in my life, I quit the standard 5 hour video game thing everyday and brought it down to half an hour. Crossed to the edge of four weeks, I realized I had neared a month. Temptation was high. Pretty high. But the girl I liked sort of went on my mind so much, I forgot the temptation and carried on. At the end of the month, I was walking to my university. And though I am 5' 8, I felt strong. Taller and more aggressive than the rest of the people walking on the path. It felt like I could hit them hard and walk off and they couldn't do anything. I felt bulky, heavy, amazing, like a super-hero. But the feeling was short-lived. Died down when the month ended.

1 month, 1 week; And nothings changed since the last month. The girl that liked me, started to come around me more. And so did I. We had a great time together. I remember, I was so calm around her, and to say, she's stunningly beautiful and cute, I didn't even hesitate to flirt. I kept making eye-contact, looking into the depths of her eyes, and never felt anything sexually about her. All I saw were her emotions, and I wanted to hug her. Feel warm. She was no more an object to me, but a human. A human with feelings. A human with emotions. A human with a heart.

Half of the second month, the desire to chase that girl died down. I remember, how I was so desperate to get her attention, the first month, thinking that finally someone had started to develop feelings for me, maybe I should stick with her more. But then, it just died. There was a calm. A feeling that she liked me, and I had to do something more to impress her. To find a passion. I had a career ahead of me, but I wasn't working hard in studies. I started to. I let her off for a while, stopped texting too much, started working. All of this was new, my life had changed. Never ever had before, I had been so so confident that I had put the brakes in a relationship and never ever had I worked so hard in studies.

At day 50, I relapsed. The stress of some assignment got me. But it didn't feel like a relapse. The only regret was making it to the traditional '90' mark, and that I had been short a month and 10 days. The next day was regret and so was the two weeks that followed.

Hard work paid off. I scored a third-highest in my class for the chess-assignment, 9/10 absolutes or 225/250. Won the respect of the teachers. Even got the highest percentile in the computer-lab that same week, a striking 95%, the second highest among sections. And the girl, she started to initiate the conversation. I got this text from her one day, asking me out on a date. WOOOOW! That's how it felt. Wooow! Woww! And I was jumping and dancing around the house. But I texted her back with a calm text, telling her that I was a bit busy and will surely make time for it. And though I wasn't busy or anything, I just didn't feel soo desperate for attention anymore. I was enough for me. And her feelings eventually grew.

Day 27, as of today, I am writing this to you, I want you to see how NoFap changed me. How you guys changed me. And I am so grateful, it's like something new. Not a super-hero, not so powerful but someone more than that. Someone who wants something more than little things in life, someone who has the energy now to do almost anything he wants to. And for that girl, she even ended up proposing to me in between her talk. And though it brings joy, temendous joy, I can now control my feelings. Be calm and mysterious, and respond like an alpha-male, someone we were all inspired by when we saw him on TV. And that is just a part of it, what you get is more than just control. What you get is everything. Everything without a cost.