[90-CHALLENGE] THE NINETY DAYS CHALLENGE !

Day 3/90.

 

Day 77, checking in.

 

46 days in. Just a bit over halfway.

These last few days, I keep catching myself thinking that just doing PM once or twice really would be nice and okay ... and then I stop myself, because I know how addictive it is to me and that I’ve been through that cycle way too many times now. Still, it’s shocking how after a month and a half that pattern of thinking and desire is still in my mind, just sitting comfortably and persistently next to everything I've learned that proves this old pattern is destructive and false.

 

Current Challenge 9/90 (ends Mar 12)
297/330 Good Days (ave. relapse every 10 days, a huge improvement)
Day 108 weight training (M, W, F)
Day 43 reduced alcohol, caffeine and sugar
Longest streaks 67 then 51 (4 years later)
- not doing well in the no alcohol, caffeine and sugar dept but hey it's Christmas so I can chill about it
- feeling really good lately in the no PMO self-discipline dept though
- it helps me having my kids at home since I would hate to ever get caught in the PMO act by them
- I want to be a good roll model for my kids and not have the moodiness roller coaster caused by PMO'ing wreck our Christmas together
- as Jerry say, I don't want to be a old mother fucking wanker in my old age
- peace and love to you all this weekend and Christmas
- your brother in this struggle

 

Day 1: Messed up yesterday. Some images popped up on my computer and I looked a little too long at them and scrolled a bit. I am going to start answering a few questions in my posts to help keep me on track.
1. What were danger zones since last post?
2. How am I feeling/What is my attitude toward recovery? (Motivated, apathetic, etc)
3. How am I feeling in general and is there any outside factors affecting how I feel (and therefore probably recovery too)

 

Guys what am I doing? At 57 days technically, but last few nights I have been right on the line of breaking my streak. The urges have been intense and I've been so tempted to bail out.

However I seriously must consider the consequences of another binge cycle. I have a lot on my plate right now, lots of things I could and should be doing to improve my life. So crashing down into a time-sucking, soul-crushing, body-harming PMO spiral would really screw things up and probably set off anxiety/depression as well.

Sorry not to be a downer, but I believe in honesty here and just had to write down my thoughts so I'm aware of the stakes here. Time to re-commit to this challenge right now.

 

Well people i screwed up today, after 35 days i watched P today luckely i did nit O or i would feel even worse than i do now but i still screwed up.

I haven't given up hope though, i will just start over again with the new master plan i cooked up today, and try to get to the 90 days this time.

Checking in for day 1 of my 2nd try.

 

today i start, day #0

 

20 days my brothers

 

Update for both day 10 and 11.
Both days were productive. Keeping things simple. I hqd the habit of expecting too much from myself and criticising myself too much even when i was doing alright.

Kind of a revelation. Positive self talk and the words I use with myself i never realized had great effect..Life on track. Going to the gym everyday is helping a lot. never knew working out was the alternative drug i needed.
Honestly, I dont think much abt my old habits. Yes its just been 10-11 days. but imagine a person who had been on this bad habit for years and 11 days is a lot of time. I am not calling it a struggle or anything, its a habit at the end of the day.
My gf has helped me a lot in the process. being open to her and to you guys had led to amazing results as i hv people to talk to. Soon the new habit will be installed. they say it takee like 66 days or something. But 90 days is a good goal for now.
I hope u guys r doing good and cultivating ur lives with amazing habits. Its a decision and a habit at the end of the day which takes a lot of planning and understanding of our own minds and patterns. If u can do that, it is not difficult. Lets go. For me 90 days is not a goal to achieve, its a process of my internal transformation. and I am amazed at the possibilities going forward.

So far i see i have so much energy, time at my disposal, so much clarity, i can see the ladies around, appreciate them, my determination for my karger goals has spiked in such few days itself. I have compassion for myself which we seldom have, always repenting and cribbing about past(dats me)...nomore...thanks to amazing people online on youtube who have helped me out. and thanks to all of u people.
Seriously, gratitude, love and thanks.

 

Proud of u brother. Keep it up. Guys like u are inspiring.

 

And i have realized oflate that we expect too much from ourselves. Its a mental issue after all. and its no harm if we get some form of mental help like therapy from experts. there is noshame in this. there should not be. It helps a lot. To those friends who are struggling a lot and relapsing again and again, i would humbky and compassionately suggest to take a broader view, reassess and go see some good therapist whom u can talk to openly and get some help for few months. yes its expensive but why should not we invest in ourselves. else who will invest in us?. Society's quietness about des issues is the root of the problem. Be copassionate towards oneself. Let go of themacho self that wants to hanfle everything on its own. Its a mental health issue, a bad habit which can be reverse with time, determination and little external help. Gudnight guys.Its almost 4am here in my country and I hv typed a long message. Chaa.

 

24/90
There this magnetic aura NoFap gives, people want your company.

 

16/90 completed is watching ecchi anime considered as porn will it be regarded as failure of this challenge

 

Hey man you are not alone. I was about where you were count-wise and blew it on a like three stupid images I looked at. I totally get what you are feeling and thinking right now. Do what I could not at the 55 day mark. Keep going! Stay committed!

 

Thanks friend, really appreciate the support. I was cruising along pretty well but have definitely hit rough waters and trying to navigate my way through. Sorry about your setback, but 50+ days is a solid achievement - now just focus on doing even better next time!

As for me I'm honestly just trying to make it another day right now. Trying to stay busy and put my restless energy into some positive actions, but the urges are making me bonkers right now. Anyway thanks again for the encouragement.

 

Hi guys

Day 1 today. Wish me luck.

Cheers

 

Day 0

 

15 days