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Problems during sexual intercourse

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by 416miles, Dec 23, 2019.

  1. 416miles

    416miles Fapstronaut

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    Hey there! That’s my first post ever.
    I’m into NoFap for about more than a year, had a few relapses throughout and currently I am on day 60, for the first time ever.
    I also had wet dreams again( which I didn’t had since I was 12 I guess)
    I realized some benefits of NoFap, I work out regularly, my confidence level is boosted up to a certain point, I’m not craving for any girl I see, I know what I want. I’m doing good all in all, thanks to NoFap
    Meanwhile I met a girl, about 2 Months ago. We’re having great times, she loves me, she’s more than gorgeous imo, so actually it’s all good. It’s really a healthy relationship.
    But when it comes to sexual intercourse, I just can’t hold my errection.
    It’s there for a few minutes but after a while (i.e. Changing positions etc..) it’s almost completely gone. She can bring the errection back most of the times, but it’s just the same for a few minutes.
    It frustrates me. I never came from sexual intercourse, literally never. She knows about my problem, she’s supportive but I don’t know what to do tbh. A Few days ago I tested myself, puttin on one pornvid - I became rock hard, like within seconds. Had to close my eyes and throw my phone away from me to avoid relapsing. And that makes me wonder, am I doing something wrong? I abstained from porn for the longest time ever, I mean I’m not even craving it anymore, I literally don’t need it, I cut it off actually. But my mind still gets more stimulated from porn than from real sex. Idk if it’s unnecessary to mention but I been stressed out for weeks due to my finals, I’m smoking heavy on cigarettes for a few months now and I am circumcised.
    Is this what people call "Flatline"? Does anyone have answers or been through the same?
     
    Frenchrev1.5, Suk and Deleted Account like this.
  2. Nicko Stretch

    Nicko Stretch Fapstronaut

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    Surely if you looked at P other day you did relapse? How about going hard mode without any O?
     
    +TenPercent likes this.
  3. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    You have trained your brain to become aroused by porn and not real people. It’s going to take longer than 60 days. Plus, it’s not just quitting porn, you need to not fantasize or mo.
     
  4. 416miles

    416miles Fapstronaut

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    Why would I relapse? I didn’t came, neither did I looked at porn for 60days straight? Why would that be a relapse lol?
    Why doing hard mode? Isn’t NoFap about getting stimulated in a natural way instead of porn etc which I’m obviously avoiding for that period of time. Don’t know what’s bad about getting stimulated in a natural way, can u tell me?
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  5. 416miles

    416miles Fapstronaut

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    So I should do nothing? sounds promising haha well thx anyways
     
  6. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    You should not look at porn, not masterbate, not fantasize. You should read about what you have done to your brain. If you want a sex life with a real person. Unfortunately, if you can’t do this, you will never have a normal, healthy, good sex life with a partner.
     
    +TenPercent likes this.
  7. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    I don’t think you understand what you have done to yourself. This is a very serious addiction that will only get worse with time. You are so young, if you were binging on heroin or alcohol and someone told you that you needed to give it all up, would you laugh?
     
    +TenPercent and Deleted Account like this.
  8. Nicko Stretch

    Nicko Stretch Fapstronaut

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    So, if you are trying not to watch porn but you then watched porn,for whatever reason, this would be considered a relapse.

    Hard mode helps your neurotransmitters rebalance after being artificially over produced by looking at P. Soft mode, where you still have O but only with your partner, can work but it can take a lot longer.
    Or there again you may have some kind of social or performance anxiety which is affecting your erections, caused by not being used to having sex with real people .
     
    +TenPercent and Deleted Account like this.
  9. Poland

    Poland Fapstronaut

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    Hey @416miles, have you tried using a silicone cock ring during sex? These simple devices work. They work really, really well!!!

    I am also struggling w/ PIED. I lose my erection during sex -- every damned time. I tried ED pills and hated them (so bloody expensive and they're just a temporary fix anyway). My wife and I tried all kinds of tricks and techniques, but nothing was working. I was getting really frustrated and it was weighing on me a LOT.

    After reading dozens of inconclusive articles about ED, I stumbled over an article promising incredible sex and erections w/o medication... using a cock ring. I didn't believe it -- and if I'm being honest, I was kind of scared to use one of these (I come from a really conservative family, and subject's like this were NEVER a topic of discussion)! I ordered a few different styles from Amazon and read up on the proper technique, and then my wife and I did some experimentation. 100% success. Every single time. Not kidding.

    Suffice to say, my PIED problem is now just an annoyance. I wrote a longer post here (includes detailed instructions):
    My wife and I cracked the code on PIED!!!

    Give it a shot, mate.
     
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2019
  10. I envy you @416miles
    I wish people had told me this years ago . . . especially women, as I am much more inclined to trust women.

    I masturbated my life, and my relationships away. PMO left me broken hearted and alone and sadly, the way I coped with the pain, was to go deeper into fantasy, porn and masturbation. Porn is only one click away, but I can still resist. The fantasies pop up whether I am looking for them or not, often at inappropriate times or when I am half asleep :confused:

    This should be my mantra:"You should not look at porn, not masterbate, not fantasize." and I need to be reminded of it often.
     
  11. 416miles

    416miles Fapstronaut

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    GOOD LORD, I guess u don’t really understand my question in the first place actually. I’m gonna laugh as much as I can btw. Good vibes only
    Look: HAHAHAHAHA.
    I’m not into drowning in sorrow. I been reading through so much threads, posts, forums, redit, watched videos. Whatever, please stop answering me,you do not help me any way. I’m not addicted. Do you know what makes people addicted? Constantly thinking bout porn, having 40 tabs of porn open on 3 different devices. Rather watching porn than meet women etc.. I been there, I’m over that. I broke my habits within this year, had relapses, had to change my mindset, now I got more than 60days straight without an effort and I’m gonna make a nother 66600000, I don’t think of porn in any means. It’s not lingerin in my mind. I don’t felt like this before, ever. I’m not addicted.
    I just don’t Know if it’s really the solution to my problem. But yeah, Thanks for ur time. K thx bye, preacherguy
     
  12. 416miles

    416miles Fapstronaut

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    I don’t see it as a relapse. U might see that different. Let me explain it one more time. I am. Not. Interested. In. Porn. For the last 2 months, I didn’t just avoid porn. I didn’t even thought about it. I didn’t masturbate, neither did I had a orgasm ( except for one wet dream which is not a relapse for me) but I was wondering if I somehow turned asexual. - someone who don’t gets aroused in sexual interactions. I mean I get aroused by interacting with real people but as I described, it kinda is about my errection. Therefore I TESTED. Once again, I TESTED how I would react to any porn. TO. SEE. IF. I. GET. MORE. ARROUSED. which I clearly do. But I didnt had an o. So it’s not a relapse. I didn’t binge watch 17 different porns for hours. I played one porn for 30 seconds, saw what was happening and immediately turned it off. Didn’t watched porn afterwards neither. So it’s not a relapse in my view. If u think it is, than well good for u hahaha
    But yeah, maybe hardmode would do the trick. I really have an anxiety of performing, it was horrible at first but somehow it’s getting better tbh. Thanks for your answer, I appreciate it!
     
  13. 416miles

    416miles Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I heard about that, also considered it but I’m not sure. I mean. Do you really have to use a device to... have Sex? Like it is not possible without one? I wanna fix the problem, wanna know the whole reasoning. But this might help for a time, definitely gonna try that, thanks mate
     
  14. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    I’m not a preacher guy and you obviously don’t understand anything about this addiction. You said yourself “ you cannot come with intercourse. You get a hard on from porn but lose it with your girl. 60 days without porn? Sorry, but that’s nothing. Your not addicted? Then why are you on an addiction help site and why did you have relapses? Once an addict always an addict. You don’t just cure yourself from addiction,.
     
    naonaise likes this.
  15. Poland

    Poland Fapstronaut

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    I totally felt the same way (at first). I've been married for 13 years and resisted using props, devices, or toys in the bedroom until just recently. About a month ago, my wife and I visited our local adult sex shop to buy a vibrator -- we've had absolutely stunning results w/ it! So, based upon this experience, adding a cock ring to our sex life didn't seem outrageous at all. In fact, I've read many couples who use simple silicone rings as just another toy in their bedroom arsenal -- I wholeheartedly agree!

    While I'm using a cock ring to help w/ my PIED, I'm also using it as a general enhancement to our sex life. And they're super inexpensive too (Amazon sells a bunch of different styles, but I bought this collection of different sizes based on hundreds of glowing reviews).

    Good luck on your journey, mate!
     
    marr708 likes this.
  16. Nicko Stretch

    Nicko Stretch Fapstronaut

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    Fair enough.
    Anxiety can be a crushing thing. How long and how often did you use porn before you stopped?
     
  17. 416miles

    416miles Fapstronaut

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    I just came within few minutes into sex yesterday, after answering all of this. So I guess, I made it. Felt amazing. Gotta watch out for that chaser effect. Just was tired I guess, didn’t slept well for the last months, so well. Idk what to tell u, like I said I been doing this through the whole year, for the 3. And last time whatever, porn is not an option for me, ever again. Watching people having sex is kinda like the most disgusting thing at this point. Farewell, notpreacherguy holding lectures. U seem cool but take a step back, really. Kinda seems like u hating on me for whatever reason? We don’t know each other, u started making assumptions, u get assumptions back, deal with it. I’m done, thanks for your answers tho, just don’t forget being friendly ya? Have a good day, thanks again, and keep doing what u doin! :)
     
  18. Just a heads up, Psalm27:1my light is a salty SO. she attacks everyone lol and acts like she’s not. Read her posts she’s very judgmental and snarky. Just ignore and keep learning and healing. Also she will get her fan club to post even meaner stuff on your comments. Just best to steer clear
     
  19. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Lol, I don’t have a fan club, but If by salty you mean I speak the truth, then yes I am. The truth is lying to your spouse will never help your marriage. Trust is essential in a healthy marriage. Wish my husband would’ve learned that 27 years ago.
     
    muhagg and Deleted Account like this.
  20. winningover

    winningover Fapstronaut

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