How many of you suffer escalation?

Yeah i have escalated and no i'm not free from it yet but i have made enormous steps in the right direction.

If you are curious i made a short version of my escalation in the spoiler below.

Spoiler: Might trigger

For me it all started with bdsm.
At first i would always see myself as the dominant one but over time i found femdom and slowly started to take a liking to that.
Fast forward about one and a half years and i was full blown addicted to transgendered person, gay, sissy, cuckold, hypno, online training and many more genres i would have been disgusted with a year earlier.

During this time i came in contact with a lot of online masters and mistrisses i did some very disturbing things for.
I don't really like to look back at that time, since i had a few close calls in terms of blackmail and such, which caused me to have some extreme panic attacks and a general mistrust of the internet and social media.
But slowly over time i managed to get over it a little, i can use social media again and my panic attacks have almost completely gone away since i stopped porn completely.

 

*triggered*

Ok, I started to watch porn from furries and bestiality, and only after turned to usual, normal gay porn. If escalation can be before starting to watch porn, so, I have it. Or I just was like this forever I guess.

But, hopefully, I'm intersted also in humans, so, I guess, I can choose how I want to proceed with all of this. But, to be honest, if I will have ever to choose in real life between humans and furries (not animals, really anthropomorphic), I will choose furries. But in real life we must work with what we have.

But inside furry fandom I can say that I escaleted to some forms of pedophilia, some artworks was ... attractive. But I never was interested in children in real life or in usual porn, I don't like children actually in any way. So. I don't watch porn now. Then I don't have this pedo-escalation. I think.

I guess you can even have escalations inside escalations. And mix different from them.

Also, just interesting for me, but I have never seen here someone, who was escalated to disabled persons porn. I just wonder, does they exist?

 

I think, that people, that can't take responsibility for their decisions, that can dramaticaly change their lives for worse must be protected. Still, also I understand what does it mean to want something, that you can't get. It's not very popular opinion, but I thinks pedos must be helped somehow. Not with psyho-medical-stuff, with something else, that will not hurt real persons and will seduct intention to hurt children. I can't blame people for having things that they can't control. But I can blame people for following their addications, for ruining lifes.

If you mean my attractions, so, I can's say that I have ever felt shame for something. But. I think that I was more attracted to be a child, than adult in such sutiations and I see a lot of psyhological reasons from my childhood for that. Like, I never felt to be loved back there and my mind have built this perversion for no real reasons. I guess this images (I mean artworks, I only occasionally from other person have seen real child porn once and felt nothing for it), where children enjoy ... I guess being raped makes feeling for me, like they are loved as children, not as adults, and I want to be on their place.

So, maybe all escalations has some psyhological background, because there are stuff exist, like scat, that I have never enjoed, just completely never for 15 years of watching porn. Even through reading of Marquis de Sade.

 

Freaking furry ruins people

 

Sometimes, suddenly, appears an strong desire to have dirty sex with a man, or multiple men, while dressed sexy like a woman.

It's sad for me as a Christian to have this desires and can't be able of controlling them.

It usually ends with PMO.

It's interesting because I may have a 4 or 5 day strike, but suddenly I come back to zero. I start noticed this since I left daily pornography.

 

Probably yes.

I remember start viewing porn since my late childhood. Then when I had internet I star viewing it more often. The last two years, maybe more, I saw it daily.

I remember when the traditional porn start to feel boring, then I start to see "double" porn, when that wasn't enough I start to see gangbangs, then that went through gay porn, then gay gangbangs, then gay porn of masculine men wearing lingerie.

In this year I start to feel I will never be enough to a woman. I discover cuckold theme. For moments I think when I will have a girlfriend or a wife, I'm gonna love her, but there must be other man to fuck her because I can't. I feel panic of having a not-virgin girlfriend, not because of virginity itself, but because I won't be as good as the previous man/men.

During a time, also now, I see myself as bottom gay. Because I think it's easy to be penetrated than to penetrate someone. I only had oral sex with a few men, but I can't imagine me using my penis to have sex, I feel like it's not enough.

My best streak is maybe a week, I can't remember. I went of 6 times day to once every 3 days. It's better but is not enough. I want to quit it at all.

 

When that encounters happened I really enjoyed it. I realized the think I like the most is after they cums, cuz they all make a face of pleasure, one of them said I was "his little girl slut". And I liked it.

But the next day or week I feel really ashamed by the things I made. But proud of has gived pleasure to them. I just want to be used to give pleasure.

I don't want to be gay. But this feeling of low self worth makes me want get rid of that kind of destructive behavior. But my ass doesn't want to collaborate.

 

For sure. Still, I'm not thinking about quiting the comunity. Comunity itself is pretty awesome and friendly.

I may dissapoint you, but if you think that porn doesn't effect bottom role, u're wrong. For bottom you need to have high level of constant arousal to feel pleasure and by my personal experience porn takes even this. Even if you like it on video it doesn't mean that you will like it in real life, even if you really bisexual/gay.

 

I've escalated to the point were after I've 'done the deed' , I feel like throwing up. All the disgusting things I've viewed haunts me everyday and I can never have a peace of mind. I don't know if I can forgive myself yet cuz I keep going back to it without a second thought. Honestly, this tug of war I have with my addiction is driving me insane.

 

I mean the porn furry stuff

 

What i did was just quit PMO, delete every porn account and accounts on chatsites, deleted most of the things i had on those sites messages etc and started to be more social.
I now do daily exercise, go out with friends again and talk a lot more with family.
As for progress i think i made a lot already since i don't panic so easily anymore and can use the internet like a normal person now, most of the weird fantasies have either stopped or appear less frequent as before and now i am able to just ignore them.

 

I escalated to the point of trying to fantazise about some extreme porn scenes WHILE having sex in an attempt to get the adrenaline-surge needed to climax. Most often failing.

It’s gone now. I almost never get flashbacks, and AS SOON as i get one, i distract myself. Dont allow yourself to dwell on these memories, strenghtening their neural pathways. I feel just writing this is a minefield for me, so im doing it quickly - it is basically only in occasions like writing about this, that risks of flashbacks occur in me, never during romance or sex IRL.

The downside right now, is that while i can have sex and am more sensitive again, O’s feel less intense.

 

Yeah I am straight, and since i quit i have indeed noticed that girls are becoming more attractive again while the stuff i was watching slowly became less appealing to me.
Though i have to add that it's not dissapeared completely, sometimes when i'm in bed at night i still suddenly get those thoughts again.