35 and older accountability, Group 2

@Arnuld welcome to the group and thank you for your candor! And congratulations on your acheving 40+ days sobriety.

I too log onto nofap.com everyday for support, because my newfound life is a blessing, and I must live this blessed life one day at a time, regardless of my triumphs or struggles, regardless of what my day counter reads.

I look forward to moving forward together as we continue along in this journey.

 

I’m back at 7 days again after last week’s binge. Thank you guys for helping me get on the wagon again. Part of me at the time just wanted to indulge forever and quit trying to give up. But my delusions of grandeur that forever can exist. It’s excitement fades until only hurt remains.

 

Thank you for the update! I was wondering how you've been doing

 

I have read the rules and would like to join this group

Let's do this!

 

I keep messing up around the 2 week mark, so I'm making a goal right now to go 3 weeks without PM. The other day my counselor asked me if I had a goal and the only goal I could think of was forever. Maybe I need to make intermediate goals.

 

Thank you for sharing! I appreciate it.

Though I'm tempted, I rarely ever view my day counter.

Like you, I NEVER want to do P or M again. Ever. But a lifetime is a long time, so it helps to live life one day at a time. And, every day, I like to remind myself that I have to "start over," regardless of what my day counter reads.

Like you, I strongly believe in setting goals. I have discovered that there is no greater sense of power and fulfillment in this life than in identifying what I intend to accomplish and how my goals can impact others.

I maintain a goals journal here on nofap.com, but I feel most powerful when recording my goals the old-fashioned way: putting pen to paper.

On weekends especially, when I know that I will have lots of free time, I write a goal sheet in my notebook. I plan my entire day the night before, making sure to incorporate various tasks and goals. This keeps me aligned on my chosen, newfound path of joy, energy, purpose, and strength.

Every minute of every day I know what I will be doing, where I will be going, and what I will be accomplishing.

While I'm at home I often keep my notebook open and in near proximity, to re-inforce what I said I would do, and I often re-read my goal sheet right before I leave my apartment, to keep my mind and path aligned to my goals.

I have discovered that there is much joy and fulfillment in accomplishing such "short-term" goals, i.e. doing laundry, going to the gym, shopping for groceries, etc. The "long -term" goals come far and few in between, so in the meantime I have to do whatever it takes, one day at a time.

For me there's no better feeling than writing a goal and accomplishing it, no matter how small or trivial.

 

D107. This week has been a very good week. I have spent Christmas with the family. Being all together has not always been quite pleasant. My family sometimes doesn't get along very well, but this year things went as they should. I am saying goodbye to a very good year personally. I have worked hard at work and in my studies, and I have done my best in the eight Bible classes I gave.

Well, summer is here. Temptation is hard to bear. I think about sx all day. It is not strong enough to say that I am suffering, but it is increasing.

Regarding this, I have a message for you, PM: You won't see me fall this summer. I have many plans for this 2020, and God is encouraging me to do so. I will not disappoint him. You are not my god, PM. You are a demon, and a low one. Nothing special and good is in you. Nothing you whisper in my ear is true, nothing. Your goal: keep me a slave. You want to see me wallowing in the dirt where you come from yourself, that is all, but that won't happen. Not this summer. I am ready to fight.

 

I have read the rules and would like to join this group

 

I cannot believe that I am nearing the end of my 2-week Christmas break. The time is just flying by, and what truly amazes me is that I've enjoyed nearly every minute of it--mostly in solitude, and without PMO, without fantasy or p-subs, and without large quantities of food, alcohol, or material items.

Over the past 8 days of my vacation I've faced (and conquered) financial challenges, minimized the use of digital devices, acknowledged countless individuals by looking them in the eye and saying "hello," re-connected with 2 friends, enjoyed conversations with 3 complete strangers, participated in a 2-minute pullup-bar hanging contest, hiked and mountainbiked the trails in near-perfect solitude at 3 nature parks, swam in the Gulf of Mexico, slept on Clearwater Beach, and got myself a killer tan.

I've spent many past Christmas seasons living in excess: traveling to expensive resorts, sleeping in, spending lots of money, drinking alcohol and smoking marijuana and lusting after women.

None of it comes close to the joy and energy and purpose that I've felt over the past week. I don't miss my old life a bit.

On Christmas Day, I was exploring Clearwater Beach, and I was in constant view of the elite resort in which my ex-wife and I vacationed just a few years ago, where people spend hundreds of dollars a night to stay. I barely had enough money to pay for public parking and a meal (no alcohol), yet I NEVER felt forlorn or depressed or lonely. I instead felt content and peaceful. I had my backpack, blanket, plenty of sun and water. And that was good enough for me.

I've got 5 more days remaining on my vacation, and there are plenty of things I intend to do. Today I'm heading north for some more mountainbiking, this time on one of my favorite trails.

Have a great day All!

 

I love this message! You're not backing down. You disdain the enemy. Thank you for sharing this and for inspring me with your resolve

 

Checking in.

Depression comes in waves from time to time. It's amazing how it can sometimes just last 30 minutes then vanish. It seems to be getting shorter in duration and less frequent.

Libido is improving, getting very horny for my gf again lately and sex feels so so sooo good.

I do get a bit of a hangover after it, but that seems to be lessening of late.

 

Yes !

You can learn about it here http://dhamma.org/

In short - it is a 10 day seminar -available all over the glob with over million graduates - 100% supported on donations of old students - you cannot even pay for it if its your first time only after you take it and see the benefits.

It teaches you a way of life which is arguably based on the most purest and non-religious teachings of the buddha. It teaches us 3 techniques of meditation.

First is Anapana meditation which is to develop high concentration to be used in the next step. Next is Vipassana - which means seeing reality as it is. This second technique is for purification of the mind - which is the cause of our suffering (our addictions and aversions) and is done on the subconscious level.

I took my first retreat 10 years ago in 2009 and my life totally "changed" in the most genuinely benign senes of the word.

This was my 8th or 9th retreat and i'm planning now to do my first 20 day sit next year which i'm going to be preparing for this following year.

I feel so much gratitude and love for the teaching sent my mom to it and sending her again this coming year, and my whole family is slowly becoming inspired to go through it too which it self is a
miracle.

Lastly, I share that this is one of the hardest things i have ever done in my life - on similar level as doing ayahuasca - it is intense, it is uncomfortable and I feel like I'm going crazy every time i do it, but it is also the most healing and beneficial to my peace and happiness and becoming less egocentric.


ANy question just hit me up or reply here

 

Just want to share that your awareness of the presence of depression it self is a huge win.

To be aware means you are not identified by it, and you know that which arises must pass away just like all other things.

 

Day 49/ 365 NoFap - Day 94 / 365 Waking up at 4 am.

Came from a 12 day retreat - it was profound and feeling deep sense of aw and gratitude.

The next day or two i'm setting goals for the new year and extracting insights from 2019 and setting new commitments in place.

Launched a new whats app meditation group with the graduates of our vipassana seminar which i'm very grateful for.

Adding 3 new habits to my life

1. Eating by 3 pm and chewing very well
2. Being present by keeping contact with breath or body sensations throughout the day
3. Speaking to family in Farsi (my original language) in a loving voice tone

 

I’m traveling now but about to return. Can’t wait to check out more about your retreat. I have been meditating for sometime but I haven’t given myself to it the way I have wanted.

 

D108. Yesterday. Finally, as I said before, with the heat of summer and holidays, temptation has made its horrendous appearance.

Come here, Temptation, take a seat. I must speak to you for a moment. I am a Christian, and I choose to live in holiness. You are not welcome in my house. I ask you to grab your luggage and leave. Have some self love. I no longer belong to you. Christ set me free, and now he is my owner. Christ defeated you on the Cross, and you no longer have power here. Have a little self respect, and leave. I accompany you to the door. Will you go for good or should I throw you with violence? It's up to you.

D109. Today. In the morning I went to work for the last time before my vacation. Then, I went to lunch with coworkers. I regret the topic of the conversation ... they talked about other colleagues, who were not present. How mediocre the human being is ... with so many possible conversation topics. And my coworkers are people of high intellectual level ... uffff ...

At home, I took a nap and now I feel rested and very well. Today I was not as tempted as yesterday, thank God. This summer I have some strategies in mind: to get closer to the youth of my Church, in order not to be alone and bored. I will also be preparing the theme of my classes next year (Christology).

I am a creative man. I can invent things, devise new activities, to get away from temptation.

 

I slipped yesterday after 11 days.

I came home from a trip. I was drunk on pleasure from food. I also made the choice to not reach out and plan for my wife to be gone so I could use.

I wanted pleasure. More pleasure. Whenever I get a taste of food or sex, I crave more.

I make porn acceptable and block or disregard thoughts otherwise.

 

Happy New year gents

2020 is our year!

Lessssgo!