I'm just cornered guy...

Not sure how to introduce myself... Phrases like "Hi all" or "Hello everyone" just do not seem to be appropriate... At first I was exposed to porn at age of 11 or 12 I think... I am 25 now... All my damn life I'm afraid of everything, literally. And instead of overcoming my fears, getting stronger, wiser, RELIABLE, basically better, I was just... muffling my fears via porn/masturbation. At first porn was nothing but curiosity, then it became "just a usual thing in everyone's life, there is nothing wrong about porn and masturbation", and then, at age of 25 I started to say truth to myself: "I'm sick, addicted guy, without social life, never had any relationships with girls, 25, always afraid, weak, can't sleep at nights, can't talk to other people without fear and feeling guilty\ashamed, bad at my job(even hate it despite fact that there is nothing bad about my job, it is like dream job for most of people in my country, sitting in the office, warm, receiving nice salary by working with your brain and pressing buttons on keyboard), bad at almost everything... Congratulations moron, you are walking dead now.". To be honest, I think that I have no future... I'm 25 and never had experience in relationships with girls and actually created(at least not on my own entirely and I am not main person to blame) such environment, in which, even if potentially I would have a girlfriend, having a family is impossible... I don't think that breaking up with porn for me is about changing my life entirely due to I've come too far with it in my life and most of choices\decisions unfortunately are already choosed\made... It's more about my relatives who know that I've never had a girlfriend, and, as result, most probably realize that I'm just skipping that part of my life by going through porn\masturbation. I don't want to look like some sick pervert in eyes of my relatives anymore. Even if my relatives still be seeing me like that... at least I'll be clean in my own eyes and mind. I hope breaking with porn will help me... at least to face consequences of "wasting 14 years of my life" without ruining as much of my life, as, my life with porn can ruin... I'm feeling pretty cornered... no real future... corner ahead, mistakes behind... only way out is try to break a hole in that corner which will be leading to some magic place called "who knows where" and go through that hole... I had lots of tries to end up with porn, but always was returning and craving for more... each time becoming more corrupted(soft porn in the beginning of porn addiction, gangbangs\rape\trans\trap\porn-hypno videos in the end(I hope that this is the end and I won't return to it or go even further to even more terrible things)). My longest period of abstaining from porn is 12 days. I hope that NoFap community and stories will help me to break up with porn once and for all. It is my last hope to break up with it without starting to visit psych, taking pills etc. If you are reading this - NEVER, NEVER LOOK FOR PORN. It is probably worst drug - it won't kill you(actually it may in its own ways) like usual drug, but will make you suffer for your whole life. It is worst addiction which taking over your life slowly, so you are almost not noticing, but very, VERY confidently. And like any other drug it won't let you go that easy. Worst of all, porn-addiction does not seem to be count officially as some sort of illness, most of people don't know yet how to react to it, and almost everyone today has almost free access to almost any porn. Porn industry putting more and more money into making porn as usual part of our lives. Pornhub and many other porn-sites are no longer porn-sites - they are social networks now. This is cultural genocide. I strongly believe that situation with porn is much worse than situation with tobacco industry in 20th century. At least you had to pay your money for tobacco, cigarettes etc... it was not so easy accessible for kids and parents were able to freely communicate with their children on theme of smoking. Can you easily access porn, without anyone notice? Yes. Is it easy to talk with kids on themes of sex/porn as easy to talk on theme of smoking? No.
Sorry for all that text and mistakes in it... I'm so tired of all of that... and really desperate.

 

Thanks for responses. Really appreciate.