I think I’m having a nervous breakdown

I just got home from work and I’m crying for the first time since my best friends suicide. I just thought this shit was behind me. I don’t know what to do I’m in panic mode and I’m getting thoughts of suicide, I won’t act on it. I’ve felt great for months and have been dating and just had my first successful orgasm with a partner a few weeks ago. All I did was scroll through the Facebook of a girl I used to know and all my symptoms started coming back. My chest has been pounding nonstop for 5 days and I’m worn out. I can’t fucking sleep and my dick that was just working for the first time in my life seems like it’s on a hair trigger. I didn’t even mean to scroll the Facebook but I guess it mimics pmo. My nerves are shot and they feel like they are burning. I missed the gym 5 days in a row which is the longest in over 2 years. This was the year I quit nicotine and watched zero porn and I’m ending it crying feeling like my body is in shock and that I want a cigarette. What the fuck do I do..

 

I can’t believe I’m back to this feeling that I thought I would never experience again. It is literal hell and I didn’t even look at porn or masturbate. I just saw an arousing picture on Facebook of somebody I know

 

My chest has been steadily pounding for 5 fucking days. I just want to go back to how I felt last week. It ruined my Christmas and even though I’ve sworn off pills since March I’ve been taking Xanax just to help me sleep.

 

I didn’t even realize it would have this affect on me til the next day either. Immediately after I just felt a little brainfogggy but no more than normal social media use. That night I started waking up with a pounding chest and anxiety and dead dick feeling.

 

When will my heart rate go back to normal I’m scared

 

It’s been going on for 5 days I’ve been tracking my steps for years and yesterday was the most I’ve ever taken at over 41,000 I can’t sit down because I start to notice my heartbeat and it gives me worse anxiety I can’t go to dr no insurance

 

No weed since June and no alcohol since April 2018

 

I always push my comfort zone. I build a life where I’m the frontman for a band and I do public speaking in education and have women I talk to that I’m interested in, then a lapse like this sends me into panic mode and I feel like I can’t take it and wanna escape by any means necessary. If I escape then I won’t be happy when I return to my senses

 

I’ll be 27 next month. No only when I get triggered then I get pounding heart for days/weeks. It’s been 5 days

 

I have no interest in porn and haven’t in over a year. I stopped all scrolling on social media until this past Monday when I scrolled on a girls timeline in a moment of anxiety. I can’t believe I’m getting this response though. This happened to me on February 5 of last year when I saw an accidental porn pic and I had several panic attacks. I’ve been pmo free since then and I’m still getting this reaction how long will I react like this it makes me wanna die

 

I’m normally a very confident guy as well as being laid back and calm

 

I haven’t watched porn since October 12 2018 I only get these reactions when something triggers me. I know it’s not a panic attack because it’s been ongoing for 5 straight days. I even went to get an hr long nude massage the other day and I am still feeling helpless with my heart pounding. I have no trouble staying away from porn it’s just these symptoms that arise when I see something triggering..

 

I wish I could but I don’t have insurance. I also am not usually like this, porn and porn subs send me into a panic state even if I don’t search them out.