1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

Why do I feel lonely?

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by HarrisonGavin, Jan 2, 2020.

  1. HarrisonGavin

    HarrisonGavin New Fapstronaut

    1
    1
    3
    I’m a pretty shy person. However, I do have a pretty large group of friends...how I came to be in the group, I have no idea, but I am, which I’m very VERY grateful for. But I still feel lonely every time I go home after a night out, when I’m in bed waiting to fall asleep, when I’m laying about watching videos. A couple years ago, I didn’t have any friends. I sat in the school bathroom to eat lunch so I didn’t have to talk to people because it scared me so much, and because there wasn’t anyone who wanted to talk to me. I used to think that getting friends would instantly stop all my feelings of loneliness, but I was wrong, and I don’t understand why. Once I realised that having friends didn’t stop the loneliness, I figured that maybe it was because I didn’t have a significant other. However, the more I think about it, the less I believe that dating someone will change it. Am I going to be lonely forever? This is the thing that has caused some of my worst depressive periods, and I don’t know if anyone else has any similar experiences to me, and has any answers? I’m just really lonely all the time, and extremely confused as to why...
     
    xjosamx likes this.
  2. Hi HarrisonGavin,
    Thanks for your post. I'm no expert, but I do feel your pain. As a young teen I was very shy and longed so much for friends and intimacy (not sexual, but connection). I think my feeling disconnected to the world around me made it a bit easier for me to delve into the seedy world where I didn't have to connect and could remain anonymous.

    In answer to your question, are you going to remain lonely forever? I believe you won't be. We do have different ages and stages. However, from my experience, one has to reach out and be a friend to have a friend. One must make deposits in to the 'Relationship' accounts with others in order to make withdrawals or get returns.

    Another aspect that sprang to mind when you shared what you did is about your mental health ... has depression been an issue for some time? Are you generally unhappy or generally happy? I'm only wondering about visiting a doctor, and trying medication - I'm not advocating pharmaceutical drugs, there are many types of medication - even food is medicine. Just a thought, I might be way off track.

    I'll speak for myself, when I was at my loneliest I knelt down and prayed to a Heavenly Father / God who I believed would listen to me. It turned out He was listening and had been for a long time, I just hadn't really approached Him properly. Not wanting to sound all churchy but I do know that He helped me see life differently and as a result I was able to do things that helped me overcome my loneliness. Plus a huge network of people interested in me and my well-being was discovered almost overnight when I went to church. I still struggle with being socially awkward at times but I have more confidence as a result of extending myself more.
     
  3. keepitinmybriefs

    keepitinmybriefs Fapstronaut

    185
    167
    43
    Hey dude, I feel the same way. I actually made a similar post about a month ago. It happens, and you just have to kind of roll with it. It can help if you have someone you can talk to about nofap. If you want someone to talk to, feel free to message me.
     
    Azzure likes this.
  4. It's hard to diagnose without having a long chat with you. Might I ask if you have insecurity problems? I'm guessing that you do — nearly everyone here on NoFap has that problem! Insecurity can make you feel lonely even when you're not alone.

    Find your passion in life. What really, truly motivates you? A particular career choice? A specific charitable cause? Something else? Get involved with whatever motivates you. Find a way to make it work. When a person is chasing their passion, even when it's hard, they feel like they "belong", and loneliness loses its power.

    Might I suggest therapy as well?

    Good luck!
     
    Azzure likes this.
  5. aerokus

    aerokus Fapstronaut

    110
    143
    43
    Everyone is different but I think that getting a girlfriend makes a huge difference to feelings of loneliness.
    First of all, your lasting feelings of loneliness despite having friends now, is probably down to not having friends when you were younger. This creates lasting feelings of inadequacy and unhappiness in oneself, so even if you have many friends later in life these feelings remain. PMO exacerbates this. Dating someone does change this because having someone that actually loves you and cares about you relieves you of those feelings.
     
  6. xjosamx

    xjosamx Fapstronaut

    183
    221
    43
    I think i would need some more information in order to answer this question. Do you feel like you and your friends have the same interests? Are you on the sam "wavelength"?
     
  7. I feel the same, really. I guess it's just having noone to talk to about similar topics or just not having someone like you besides, it's just what I guess it is, not a fact. I have a friend and he's a cool dude, but I still manage to feel lonely as shit sometimes. Just walking all alone, dreaming about relationships like an idiot. I guess we all will have our chances in life.
     
  8. Yes! I believe this. This is true for me. I became passionate about pursuing something wholesome and it didn’t matter what others thought. It felt like the ‘universe’ was willing to help support me when I started to extend myself.
     
    Mordobarn likes this.

Share This Page