Over a year of no porn, lost virginity --- *Possibly triggering text! *

So here I am, at 26, looking back at this site and realizing how far it all feels now.
I thought porn had given me PIED and confused my sexual orientation. Now that I really understand, I know that's not what was going on (but I still won't watch porn ever again).
I watched trans porn for 11 years, until I quitted at 25. It was almost exclusively the porn I watched for the last 5 years. It had me always feeling like I was betraying my true self, since I always had feelings for women and I started masturbating to straight porn and loving it, but after years of TP, watching straight porn felt like something was missing, it almost never turned me on...

Spoiler: * Possibly triggering *

However, I usually got horny for women during parties, then hit home and masturbate to trans porn, therefore feeling like shit.

I wouldn't get a boner while making out with girls (always while drunk), and I even got a flatline with an escort (and thank God for that) while trying to lose my virginity (once again drunk).
I only made it up to 36 days of NoFap, but because I had prostate pain (totally related to NoFap),

Spoiler: * Possibly triggering *

I started masturbating to sensation (no porn, no fantasies) and later I moved to masturbating while sexting and sharing hot pics on Badoo, even videocalling sometimes (both with trans and girls).

At 26, after 140 days off porn, I made out with a girl who was into me (again drunk). She was a virgin. We made out a few more times

Spoiler: * Possibly triggering *

and my penis would always be semi erect. Once she was about to leave, we started kissing very passionately and I finally had a proper erection, she went down on me for a few secs but then she left (go figure why), she even texted me a few minutes later saying that it was so nice to suck me.

It felt like a victory to me, a final prove that my penis worked on real sexual encounters and - most importantly - with women. Sadly we never got to have sex, but I wasn't that much atracted to her anyways...

Spoiler: * Possibly triggering *

But probably the best boobs I'll ever see haha I wish I could meet her again now that I am finally having a healthy sexual life.
Then, I met an 18 years old trans filipina who was taking hormones, and yeah, I lost my virginity with her and I had sex with her 3 more times before I had to change country.
Once in the new country I met a 31 years old trans woman on hormones and I had sex with her around 5 times as well. Then I just felt kind of empty, like I was having sex with her just to release my sexual tension, while what I really wanted was a woman.
Finally I met a 24 black girl and I've been having sex with her ever since. I like it way better than trans, it feels better, it feels right and after sex I'm with a real woman, which is what I like (and trust me, I've been with trans and I can assure you they don't have a woman's brain or whatever, they're something different, their own thing, but they're not women at all).

Now, the important thing: The real reason why I got flatlines with women is because I was ashamed of my body, always nervous and on top of that: drunk. I have many scars on my back from acne, and still some acne there. I have a bit of "man boobs", even now that I've put some muscle on after a year of gym. It's not that much at all, but it is to me, subjectively... I never took my shirt off with the virgin girl, and you can'y get hard if you're not comfortable and you're just worried about your body. I also felt unsure about my 14 cm penis. And I was going through a very asocial period, so I was shit at socializing and I felt like I was not someone worth to be with.
Well, now I'm looking better than ever, none of the three cared about my scars or my "man boobs", my penis size is enough to give them pleasure, to the point they were always texting me horny to come back, so that felt very reassuring. Also, I've been working as a waiter and regained my socializing skills. So overall, I built some confidence and once I lost my virginity, sex (that once scary thing) became just a normal thing, and as soon as I start kissing my girlfriend I get a boner.
Porn wasn't the problem. It was a way out.
Now, the reason I won't ever watch porn is because the way I see it. It's just something pathetic. Like picking through a window and masturbating at two people having sex. Like a lion masturbating while looking at another lion having sex.
I decide the kind of man I am, and I am not that kind of man.
After a year I don't think about porn at all. And if I think about it, it's just a boring lame idea, like what's the fun if I'm not part of it... I want to be the one having sex, not looking...
That's all. Came back to say this. Probably won't ever come back.
Good luck fellas.

 

I feel sorry for you that you lost your virginity and had so much shit in your life that you went thru with girls. Nowhere in your post you mentioned love. Sad story and seems like emptyness made you look for pleasures that gave you nothing in longterm. Could have had all these benefits without having sex.