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Work from home addict

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by jrock, Jan 1, 2020.

  1. jrock

    jrock Fapstronaut

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    I've struggled with PMO since about the age of 13. Since then I've hardly gone a week without using.

    Now I'm 26 and I work from home. This is a blessing to most people, but it's a curse for me. Now my frequency has increased and I'm constantly in an environment where I can easily switch over to PMO. I'm also a christian looking at potentially getting married this year. If I don't get control of this now, I can't even imagine what I'm setting my future wife and kids up for.

    I will do everything possible to get rid of this addiction.
     
    xjosamx and CodeTalker like this.
  2. @jrock welcome to the community and hang in there! If you ever need an AP, feel free to reach out to me.
     
  3. TXile

    TXile New Fapstronaut

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    I know how you feel, I work from home as well and sometimes I can't even focus on work until I've had my PMO. I'm hoping to be able to shift over to dropping down for some pushups or squats whenever that urge comes on. I just have to remember that alternative instead of letting my body run on auto pilot and start up the web browser for one of the hubs.
     
    EdricKr likes this.
  4. EdricKr

    EdricKr Distinguished Fapstronaut

    I also work from home. It's a challenge... especially since I made a habit of PMO at my work desk/computer. Anytime I had a wait a few minutes for something to process or I got stressed about someone/something at work, there was no boundary.

    I suggest you start with a short, perhaps seven day, commitment. This lets you establish a track record of success that builds your confidence. Also, consider carefully whether you just want to abstain from porn, or from both porn and masturbation. I prefer a "soft start"; others find going straight to "PMO hard mode" for several months is the most motivating.

    No matter what you choose, the most important thing is to not give up, whether it goes well or badly.

    Welcome to the community. You made the smart move. Just put "@EdricKr" (without the quotes) in you post if you'd like me to take a look.
     
  5. EdricKr

    EdricKr Distinguished Fapstronaut

    This. is. so. true.
     
  6. jrock

    jrock Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the input, @EdricKr

    I've been reading books like the Power of Habit and Atomic Habits and that gave me additional insight into addictive behavior like PMO.

    To remove bad habits:

    • Make it difficult - add extra steps
    • Remove environmental cues / change your environment
    • Use a commitment device
    • Replace the habit instead of removing it entirely

    Here is how I'm approaching this:

    1. I've set up a P blocker on my phone/computer. It's actually pretty difficult for me to see anything sexually explicit on my devices now. It's not impossible, but I realized that it was previously easy for me to hit CTRL + Shift + n and go to a specific site, so adding extra steps helps me make this habit more difficult.
    2. I found a private office for rent in a co-working space. I plan to move my computer to that dedicated space and work from there.
    3. I've removed social media apps because I found that a triggering point could just be a picture of a woman.
    4. I'm working on habit replacements for the routine part of this habit I've developed. I could really use input here if you have any ideas.

    I think that financially investing in overcoming this habit could potentially benefit me as well. If I pay for an office space for the sole reason of quitting this habit and I pay for P blockers or forum subscriptions, the fear of losing something (money) might motivate me.
     
  7. geheim

    geheim Fapstronaut

    I work from home. I have installed a couple of Home Security Cameras using old Android phones, and gave my wife access to it. It's like turning your home into a public office, but costs less.
     
    EdricKr likes this.
  8. EdricKr

    EdricKr Distinguished Fapstronaut

    That's sensational !! I wish I could 'like' this 100x. You're braver than I am, that's for sure.

     
  9. EdricKr

    EdricKr Distinguished Fapstronaut

    It's early days for me. I have some ideas but nothing that tested out successfully (yet). So I hesitate to say anything. In case it's useful to you, here are some thoughts. I'd like to know yours.
    • Get away from the desk. Do a small, physical chore: brush your teeth; empty the dishwasher; (for me, do a couple of my prescribed physical exercises).
    • I practice a style of meditation where one drops back, in a moment, to a sort of 'ground state' awareness, feeling the urges as mere physical sensation and thoughts, prior to being lost in the maelstrom, It sounds easy, but hasn't worked yet for me. Perhaps if I get away from the desk first.
    • Whatever the replacement is, it needs to be pretty engaging and fun, in order to compete. Having a video game on standby in another room, perhaps.
    • I use PMO to (try to) fulfill emotional needs. Offering support on this forum, even with a simple 'like', can be a replacement. I'm wary, though. In a full-blown crisis, I've used forums as a porn substitute. (Not my proudest moment)
    • When I'm working, have something fun/interesting/engaging on standby. Something that's easy to pick up for a few minutes, like a book. Switch to that during waiting periods.
    Again, none of these ideas have worked for me, yet. I'm still trying them out and making adjustments. Seems to me the most important thing is to detect the urges early and let them dissipate, before everything goes non-linear.

    Hope this helps.

     
    jrock likes this.
  10. jrock

    jrock Fapstronaut

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    @EdricKr This is really helpful, thank you! I like the idea of having a fun replacement and I'm going to try the same thing. For me, I think it's a form of escapism and maybe a fun replacement might work as the "routine" part of my habit loop..

    I'm following your personal journal now since you're in a similar situation
     
    EdricKr likes this.
  11. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

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    That's a good start, my experience was that those things just slowed down my frequency a bit when I was sticking to them. I try to keep a healthy objectivity about what pm+ "did for" me and I use that phrase very carefully. It's hard to talk about such a paradoxical thing because it's very clear now with years of no pm+ (continuous :) 2487 days in a row today) that pm+ did a lot of very unhappy even terrible things TO me. But the simplest way to say it is sex feels good.. doesn't mean it is good, I got confused about that for a decade and a half, feelings and reality are but the same. But it's sort of like compassion for myself or a healthy fear of the power addiction has, pm+ is physically pleasurable and my an use of them was a perverted expression of processes that come standard in a human brain and mind. The point is, anything that didn't by cause an entire change of heart in me was delaying the inevitable which is fine if it's a tool to get some space in my life to recover. I was acting out so often that deep recovery had no space to operate, so decreasing my frequency was good once I was taught a way to fill that space with surrender to my higher power, because I wanted to be sober as in "last time was the last time" and over and over I used to forget to use the tools or choose not to because I felt like and thought that I wanted to act out. That's the definition of an addict, these things will help but not fully stop an addict. For instance when I first got sober I used a porn blocker knowing it would only give me a few seconds of relief like a burn barrier I was not relying on the blocker to keep me sober just give me a little warning time and a second to get in touch with real recovery. Which reminds me I loved what was suggested earlier about "feeling the urges as mere physical sensation and thoughts" that is a great meditation. It helped me get in touch with that perspective to call other addicts who had been sober for years, somehow telling them what was going on in my thoughts feelings and actions especially the ones directly about selfish sex and then listening to what they had to say and taking their suggestions really helped catapult me into an experience rather than just intellectual knowledge that thoughts are just thoughts. We all know that but knowledge doesn't fix this only practical application. I had ideas and beliefs and all sorts of soft fuzzy things but when I changed my actions in particular asked people I thought would know, what do I do then doing it then I could see what I had already "known" . As long as I wasn't changing nothing changed. I really like that meditation "drop back, in a moment", "before being lost in the maelstrom" and direct contact with fellow addicts helps me a lot with that. There's a book about it too, maybe we could do a book study on it. It's simple but not easy, doesn't take any complicated practice or knowledge or even time. But the mind hates it because it's too simple and direct to bring any self aggrandizement :)
     
  12. keepitinmybriefs

    keepitinmybriefs Fapstronaut

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    Welcome, and good luck on your nofap journey! I recommend wearing briefs instead of boxers, better at containing urges. I also recommend keeping your schedule busy - avoid stretches of downtime where you can get bored and tempted.
     
  13. xjosamx

    xjosamx Fapstronaut

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    Great decision to come here man. We will help you on this journey.
     
  14. Good on you for reaching out for help. Keep coming back! We need you and you need us! All the very best!
     

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