Memory Loss, Depression, Unable to get out of own head

So I’m struggling really bad right now. And it’s causing me to really think about what’s going on. And see if anyone has some tips to fix this. Well I’m late 20s and finally got my first gf and fell in love and now it’s gone. So I have uncontrollable sadness. She was THE only thing giving me hope and was causing me to change my life for the better. Now I’m just lost again. I was depressed before because I was lonely and thought I’d be alone forever, now I’m extremely sad and depressed. And I’m trying to remember good times or anything from previous years and the memories are almost all gone. And it scares me. So I’m thinking of why I have a hard time remembering and I think it is my chronic depression for years. As well as I can’t get out of my head and live in the moment at all. I really need help trying to fix this depression and living in the moment or I’ll never be able to get on the right track especially with my utter lack of hope. If can’t break this I’m seriously contemplating life. I just need some advice on what to do really bad.

 

Thanks, and I have been taking ashwagandha, zinc, and a few others for awhile. Doesn’t seem to help. But exercise is coming

 

Thanks everyone. And I’m trying. I really am. To do things I used to like. To make songs, to draw. To try to socialize. Some days like today though. I literally did not get out of bed, and it felt... fine. The second I got up after lying there for 8-9 hours awake I had horrible anxiety and depression. I also just realized today. That people don’t like me. I guess I’m too sad in general, or quiet. But people don’t like my bland personality. Not sure how I can fix that though, so made my depression even worse. I’m still on the hunt for volunteer opportunities, as I found the only thing that made me feel happy at all, was helping someone, or making niece really joyful one time. I can’t seem to generate happiness from myself for myself. And the fact no one likes my personality is getting to me. I got drunk on New Years and apparently started being a dick to someone, and also beat someone up a little but stopped and made up and we both agreed we were being dumb and he was encouraging me to come to his boxing gym, saying I’d knock people out, but I’m not into that kind of thing. Maybe though, could be a good physical outlet and social builder. Definitely going off the deep end as I’ve never been the type to want to hurt anyone or want to be a dick. I really just want to help people and make people happy. I love that feeling. But my sadness is too obvious, and I have a hard time making people happy. And it makes me even more depressed. Just seems like a crazy cycle.

 

And people keep saying. Focus on me and what makes me happy just for me. But the only thing that makes me happy (just for me), is making someone else happy. And it’s hard to do with my personality being so sad and quiet. I’ve been going on depression chats and letting people talk to me that no one else listens to. That helps a bit, but I know I’m not actually helping them. Just giving them temporary relief. Anyways thanks for the advice. I agree with it all. And hopefully finding a charity to work for will help.