4 months free from porn addiction.

Freedom​

What does freedom mean to you? Freedom of choice? Freedom of word? Maybe it's... Freedom of something else? You can freely do things you couldn't do before?
No matter what freedom means to whom, it's a delightful, great feeling no matter how you see it. Like walking in really uncomfortable shoes all day and then just taking them off forever. That's freedom, for example. But what is freedom for me?
To me freedom means a lot, but today it means something specific. It's freedom from bad habit. When I was 18, I quit smoking. When I was 19, I stopped using alcohol. But I felt strange... There still was something that was bothering me all the time. Strange feel of being trapped somewhere.. And I couldn't explain where and why was I trapped. Days went by and I did a lots of things to improve myself. I was listening to music a lot and felt good about it, I changed between different bands to just get into better mood, I was running a lot also. I just loved it, but... Still there was something that kept me away from feel of freedom. I would never know if I wouldn't google one strange question. To be more precise - stupid question.
"What are the benefits of fapping?" Yes. That's me. 19 year old, who wanted to know what are the benefits of beating your poor dick at least 2 times a day. What the hell, right? I'm thinking the same now, but without that question I wouldn't get here.
And of course, then I happened to find NoFap.com. What happened next was... I was felt motivated for change, and I really did - I changed. I opened the site, read some basics and was like "Okay! Let's go!" And since then it was just paradise for some time. I was free, the birds tweet was different and smell of everything was different. Not literally, no of course, but just the feel of freedom was within me, since I decided to quit a bad habit. And since then I knew - I will NEVER stop.

Relapses​

I remember all of them. They were crazy. Just that feeling that you just know you will lose all these days you have behind yourself was just scary. But I learned from them. After each relapse I watched a video on relapse topic and felt better. Videos taught me to accept relapses and never ever beat myself over them. And that's right! Why should I cry about it? Relapse is just a normal thing. A lesson, a moral, a part of the process that HAS to happen at least once while on NoFap. Each relapse made me stronger, each relapse taught me something. Maybe not the last one, but... I won anyway.

A backstory once again​

I was a kid and happened to find out about masturbation and orgasm combo when I was 13. Fast forward to couple of months and I was fapping 3 times a day to same pictures of naked girls. I was loving it. Then I had internet and things got crazier with every goddamn day. I don't really want to talk about this, it hurts to remember, but one thing I can be sure about - it was hell, it reall was.
I was quiet, found it hard to talk to people. I was locked within myself and just... Not feeling it. The vibe of joy was gone. Before fapping I had a good mod a lots of days. Even when I didn't have one, I felt it. But since I started fapping to porn it was all empty. Yeah, happy moments were there for me as always, but happiness wasn't pure, it was just not the same once again. And so it went on. I was overweight, unmotivated and all that. When I was 16, things started chaning for better. I hit the gym for 2 months and became way stronger, way good looking in terms of form. I was a smoker, so it kind of kept me away in some way. Well, also, some other things happened and I was not allowed to go to the gym. Basically, the gym owners were pussies and they were affraid to tell the truth to governors son so they bitched on me and it was... Umm, unfair, I guess? Since then I had lost all the motivation to move towards my goals. Not now. Now I know what I want and what will I do for success. That's one of the benefits... Oh yes, the benefits.

Benefits of NoFap:
Mind is way clearer. I feel really good now. No useless worries about what I have to say, no shaky hands, no stress in real life, no anxiety or just anxious moments;

I find it easier to start conversations and I keep them more on emotion, more dynamic and explosive, you could say so. I really can speak more effectively and that's a huge benefit for me as a becoming history teacher;

My room is way better looking. Well this is a strange one, but in the same time, it's just a normal thing.
My room is looking way way way better. I have really good discipline when it comes to getting my room together and making it look great. Before, I would just throw stuff around and I would feel angry and mad if I would have to clean up my room or make it look tidy. Now? Now it's a MUST BE! Dude, how can you even leave shit behind you dirty? Don't throw your shit around randomly! That's not a nice example to show to someone;

Music. Well, this also is a popular one, but for real... I feel that. I really do feel music way better than before. Some rhytm patterns are noticed easier than before, riffs sound bit clearer, I guess, cause before NoFap my head was on different planet, the focus was bit different;

Yup, focus. It's not brilliant, couldn't even call it good since I have problems with it, but it's getting better. Now I can read russian literature way easier than before. Just so you know - I'm not a russian, and reading russian literature like Leo Tolstoy is hard, since yeah... It's not my native language and it also is really old school type of language, you could say so. But I try and I'm doing kind of good;

Another one is the idea of getting my mind together. I have tiny urges for meditation. I mean there is a lot to fix yet, but in future I will meditate, I just have to do it. I've done it, but it manages to drift away since I have some more unimportant things to do that have managed to keep me away from doing really important stuff. Sucks, yeah, but anyways - I'll work on it, and I'm already doing better. Also, I started reading book Zhuan Falun which is about going to the next level, maybe higher than that. Book has so much realisations, observations and stuff like that. It really is helpful.

Anyways, that's really it. I mean, I could tell more, but it woul just get a bit boring since these are the major changes. All the others are smaller and not SO important.

If you have relapsed, or just feeling like shit - PM me. I'm not saying I'm a guru, but I have an experience in this one, so I'd love to help. Cause you know? Through this helping, writing motivational stuff - you motivate yourself even more! And that's what's really important. So let's stop fighting about small things but let's battle porn industry for real, and achieve bigger stuff than that.

Good luck to all of you and thanks for reading my post.

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I know. Even birds are chained to the sky as Bob Dylan have said, but I can be as free as possible now. Before it was a rusty cage, now it's just a bigger cage that I won't ever stop exploring.