Hard mode, insights after 365+ days ;)

Hey folks, I wish you all happy and successful New 2020. I'm reporting here, again, after 365 days of Nofap hardmode (No PMO). I'd like to thank everyone for contributing to this forum. We're the lucky fighters here to have the possibility to free ourselves from the chains of P addiction. Yet, the battles we fought daily are not easy. My Nofap journey started on 1.1.2019. when I've decided that I'm no longer a slave of P. The whole journey was hard, very hard in fact, as I've experienced a lot of different symptoms (some of which were severe). I never thought I'd make it this far, but here we are, a year later, this journey continues on. During this journey, I've experienced a whole coctail of various symptoms. First two to three weeks were hard enough, but the real game changer was after third week of Nofap when the real withdrawals started. I won't go much into details, but I'll talk about the most experienced symptoms, and benefits. My current situation is okay, there are good days/weeks, also there are bad ones. I still have symptoms that are coming in waves. When starting Nofap the episodes of PAWS/flatlines lasted much longer (one even lasted about 2 moths; from February to April of 2019). Nowadays it's couple of days at a time. Overall, improvements are seen.

Symptoms I've experienced/still have sometimes:
1. Depression - greatly improved around July, worsened a little in September, currently variable, mostly mild to none; depression worsening with stress.
2. Anxiety - severe at the start, improved a lot, but still there are days with heavy anxiety, and there are days without it. I can say that along with anxiety, I've experienced severe depersonalization, and derealization. Anxiety mostly comes without any clear reason, but when there's a reason for anxiety, it is much worse. Personaly, I've never known the difference between anxiety attack and panic attack, until I've had them both throught recovery. Up to this day I sometimes have anxiety and panic attacks, but now I can handle them. I'm using CBT techniques. If you struggle please give CBT a chance here: http://cbt4panic.org/.
3. Social anxiety - first it went really bad, it improved greatly but it gets bad for few days after wet dreams. Nowadays, it's bad only when I'm stressed and panicky for longer periods.
4. OCD - health anxiety and harm OCD. I've actually never had this before Nofap. I've developed pretty severe health anxiety during recovery. Almost constantly I'd check Google for symptoms of anxiety, depression and almost every body sensation. Dr. Google and Webdm were only helping my anxiety and fueled my panic attacks for a while . I did a search on Youtube about health anxiety and listened to some positive affirmations and decided that life's too short to be a hypochondriac. Harm OCD hit me also with plenty of intrusive thoughts. It also added on anxiety and panic. I'd say it hit me because of anxiety, panic, withdrawals, exhaustion. It isn't really a problem, it's just a thought coctail, nothing more. Thoughts are thoughts, they come and go, you don't need to react on them. That's my winning approach.
Wet dreams still happen sometimes (once per month) and worsen symptoms.
Stress also makes PAWS way worse.
Sleeping in, sleeping late sometimes makes symptoms worse.
Too much caffeine makes everything worse.

Other symptoms I'm still experiencing are: blurry vision (improved a lot), vertigo, high blood preassure (never had it before Nofap, I've always had 110/70, but now it's like 150/90 all the time), visual snow, afterimages, hot flushes, vivid dreams.

Benefits:
Great increase in energy, no more P cravings, PIED cured (100%), clear and glowing skin, better sleep, attraction to real life girls, attention from girls (100% confirmed), no more brain fog, more calm than I ever was on good days , confidence and willpower increased. Those are the most noticable.

So, yeah, nowadays is a lot better, but there are still bad days and the good ones. I've also started working on myself, on my low self esteem, on changing and challenging negative thoughts, getting enough sleep, socializing more, healthy eating, exercising. In private life I'm one exam away from uni degree, so it's study time soon. Also, I've recently kicked smoking habit (half pack to pack a day), it was on Monday, and on Wednesday I got insomnia and some other symptoms. Still haven't smoked since. I hope it'll be bearable

I wish you all achive everything you've ever wanted in 2020. This journey is very hard, but it is worth it. The PAWS, flatlines and bad periods won't last forever, keep that in mind. Wherever you are right now on your path to freedom, I wish you find your own strenght and have patience, things will improve for sure. Best of luck

 

Hardest withdrawals were after first three weeks.

 

Actually it's only about not giving in when the urges stike. You see, you can't really fight against urges and pretend they are unnatural, because urges are absolutely normal. Accept that you have urges and don't give in. It'll be hard on beginning but it'll get easier along. With time, you'll have less urges, but you'll still remain attracted to girls.

 

I want to be at least 2 years clean, after that sex is the only option.

 

Hey, thanks. I think if we are sensitive enough, we begin to worry too much about our health. This worry thoughts for me were from withdrawals, but health worry can even be about anything (anxiety, depression, panic). Health anxiety can even cause those symptoms we can read on Google, and then the health obsessions start, feeding this circle altogether. It's very hard to break this habit, been fighting it for a while, but once you know how to react to a though, it gets easier. If you feed your impulses and google "symptoms", well, you are strenghtening health anxiety, if you don't feed impulses, you go straight into anxiety, but when you allow it to overcome you, you are always winner. Happy New Year, good luck

 

Nofap, along with regular life, working, studying, partying, socializing
How are you doing?

 

Hey, thanks. DP did improve a lot, sometimes when I'm stressed it comes back along with derealization, but both pass quickly.