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New here, looking for advice from experience

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Galaxian21, Jan 4, 2020.

  1. Jan 4, 2020 #1
    Galaxian21

    Galaxian21 Fapstronaut

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    Hi, I have been aware of your site for some time but have just decided to get serious. I have some specific issues and questions. Cliff’s Notes version...

    First, I am a late 40’s male in otherwise good health and have been using porn and masturbating to varying degrees since I was a teen. As I reflect on my life it has always been a distraction and a problem. I got married in my mid 20s and PMO certainly had a negative effect on my marriage; we finally went through a divorce 2 years ago after 20 years together. I’m OK with it.

    I took a year off from relationships (other than getting involved in the strip club/stripper scene—but I digress), but eventually met someone and have been in a serious relationship for almost a year. She is a very intelligent, attractive, fit woman and we have a mutual, strong sexual attraction to each other. Her sex drive is very strong, I would say mine is as well.

    I am seeking to give up PMO in an effort to make our sex life and relationship closer and more enjoyable. I think regular porn use and edging, occasional PMO, as well as some hormone therapy ups and downs make me a distracted, less effective sex partner and I want the best for both of us. When I am not fully aroused it hurts my girlfriend’s feelings and is becoming a problem. I have resorted to ED meds which just mask the issue sometimes. I also use alcohol, I guess I’m a mess.

    So I am looking for someone with a similar set of issues: long term PMO, divorce, new relationship, high sex drive, hormone therapy, ED meds. I want to take this challenge on and conquer it once and for all. I need hope.
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2020
    Galaxian21, Jan 4, 2020
    Galaxian21, Jan 4, 2020
    #1
  2. Jan 4, 2020 #2
    Myfortress

    Myfortress Fapstronaut
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    Hello and welcome!


    We are glad to have you as a part of our community. Here are some quick links to get you started.

    Getting Started Guide | How to Use theNoFap Forums | Panic Button | Day Counter | Rebooting Resources | ForumRules | Glossary

    If you wish to keep a journal of your progress you can do so in the appropriate section found here

    You can also take part in one of the many challenges available. It can be a tremendous help. Challenges

    Also, there are groups you can also join if you wish to do so. You can browse through them here. Groups


    There are plenty of wonderful, friendly and knowledgeable people here to help you along on your journey to a life free of PMO. I wish you nothing but the best!


    John
     
    Myfortress, Jan 4, 2020
    Myfortress, Jan 4, 2020
    #2
    0ffset_ likes this.
  3. Jan 4, 2020 #3
    Myfortress

    Myfortress Fapstronaut
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    You have to get off porn and masturbation completely so your brain can recover. After a couple of months you should see improvement.
     
    Myfortress, Jan 4, 2020
    Myfortress, Jan 4, 2020
    #3
    thetourist likes this.
  4. Jan 4, 2020 #4
    keepitinmybriefs

    keepitinmybriefs Fapstronaut

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    Welcome, and good luck on your nofap journey! I recommend wearing briefs instead of boxers (helps contain urges), and I also recommend keeping busy and avoiding long stretches of downtime where you can get bored and tempted.
     
    keepitinmybriefs, Jan 4, 2020
    keepitinmybriefs, Jan 4, 2020
    #4
    thetourist likes this.
  5. Jan 4, 2020 #5
    Galaxian21

    Galaxian21 Fapstronaut

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    Quit masturbating... does that mean to ejaculation or all touching myself.
     
    Galaxian21, Jan 4, 2020
    Galaxian21, Jan 4, 2020
    #5
  6. Jan 4, 2020 #6
    Myfortress

    Myfortress Fapstronaut
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    Everything. Porn, touching and most importantly if you are fantasizing stop that too.
     
    Myfortress, Jan 4, 2020
    Myfortress, Jan 4, 2020
    #6
    thetourist likes this.
  7. Jan 4, 2020 #7
    keepitinmybriefs

    keepitinmybriefs Fapstronaut

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    Different guys go to different lengths. Some guys don't count edging. But most of mean no touching of your dick at all, except to clean it.
     
    keepitinmybriefs, Jan 4, 2020
    keepitinmybriefs, Jan 4, 2020
    #7
  8. Jan 4, 2020 #8
    Myfortress

    Myfortress Fapstronaut
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    The primary battle is in your mind. That is where you have to shut it down.
     
    Myfortress, Jan 4, 2020
    Myfortress, Jan 4, 2020
    #8
    thetourist likes this.
  9. Jan 4, 2020 #9
    Galaxian21

    Galaxian21 Fapstronaut

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    Interestingly, I actually WANT to fantasize about my girlfriend when I’m not with her. The problem has been conflicting sexual thoughts related to porn that aren’t about her.
     
    Galaxian21, Jan 4, 2020
    Galaxian21, Jan 4, 2020
    #9
  10. Jan 4, 2020 #10
    IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut
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    Stimulating the penis is masturbation. Most people do this by hand, but it also includes rubbing it against a surface such as a mattress. Ejaculation (cum) does not have to occur to call it masturbation. The boundary many set themselves is not to touch their penis, unless peeing or washing.
     
    IGY, Jan 4, 2020
    IGY, Jan 4, 2020
    #10
    thetourist likes this.
  11. Jan 4, 2020 #11
    Galaxian21

    Galaxian21 Fapstronaut

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    That’s interesting. It seems counterproductive but I’ll see what happens.
     
    Galaxian21, Jan 4, 2020
    Galaxian21, Jan 4, 2020
    #11
  12. Jan 4, 2020 #12
    IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut
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    Counterproductive in what way? Don't be afraid to express your opinions here.
     
    IGY, Jan 4, 2020
    IGY, Jan 4, 2020
    #12
    thetourist likes this.
  13. Jan 4, 2020 #13
    Galaxian21

    Galaxian21 Fapstronaut

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    I feel like erection quality would get worse without any “practice” lol. There are some muscles in there after all. I at least like to know how things are working. I can get by without edging or ejaculating, saving that for my girlfriend. It’s the distracting thoughts that are more of a problem I think.
     
    Galaxian21, Jan 4, 2020
    Galaxian21, Jan 4, 2020
    #13
  14. Jan 4, 2020 #14
    IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut
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    I see, lol. :rolleyes: In fact, you would go through a period called a flatline when you would not get erections. For those that like to know everything is working, this is a challenge. You can see what this is, and other terms in The Glossary top of the page.
    I assume you mean intrusive thoughts of porn you have seen and porn-like fantasies created in your mind. It takes quite a while for these to diminish and disappear. IMO the quickest way to do that is to take on this challenge in the hardmode way. That means no porn, masturbation or orgasm for 90+ consecutive days. It requires a sacrifice by your girlfriend. But if she understands that it is because you want to enhance your sex life together, hopefully, she will wait a few months. :)
     
    IGY, Jan 4, 2020
    IGY, Jan 4, 2020
    #14
    thetourist and Galaxian21 like this.
  15. Jan 4, 2020 #15
    keepitinmybriefs

    keepitinmybriefs Fapstronaut

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    Your erection is spongiform tissue in your penis filling with blood. There aren't really muscles in there. Masturbating does not give your dick a workout, it just chafes the skin and stimulates you. Masturbating too much can actually make you perform *worse* in the bedroom, since your penis becomes desensitized.
     
    keepitinmybriefs, Jan 4, 2020
    keepitinmybriefs, Jan 4, 2020
    #15
    Galaxian21 likes this.
  16. Jan 5, 2020 #16
    Galaxian21

    Galaxian21 Fapstronaut

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    [QUOTE="IGY, post: 2382755, member: 266669] It requires a sacrifice by your girlfriend. But if she understands that it is because you want to enhance your sex life together, hopefully, she will wait a few months. :)[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, that’s not going to work for me. She is not into porn, but with her sex drive she is basically my personal porn star. Tough problem, I know.
     
    Galaxian21, Jan 5, 2020
    Galaxian21, Jan 5, 2020
    #16

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